August 10, 2018
Yes. I am not Pregnant.
The Lullabies, the little cries.
The sleepless nights and tired eyes.
The little fingers I hold
Gives me a strength untold.
My little Baby you are all that I dreamt of
You are all that people asked for.
You are my magic.
My little Angel.
Being a mother, they say is the most beautiful experience and God’s divine blessing. Every woman at some point of her life wishes to cuddle the piece of her womb in her arms and forget the world. Motherhood, being a heavenly bliss turns out hellish for some and knowingly or unknowingly, all of us are a part of this.
Immediately after a couple enters their wedlock the first question all of us want to ask is, when you are going to announce the big news. Yes, I agree a baby’s arrival is a big news, but don’t you think as a couple they would have many more other things to announce? Their first trip together, their first house together, their success as a couple, their love, their achievements. All these are sidelined and a beautiful journey of becoming a mother is turned into a battlefield comparing it with other couples who have begun to run the race of marriage.
In any marriage the first blame is put on the girl if there is a delay in pregnancy. The household and the society do not even bother to understand that the well-being of both the partners is important for conception and not just that of the girl. All the expectations and pressures are on the lady making her feel miserable and guilty.
Probably the lady you are forcing to conceive may have lost her babies to miscarriages multiple times. Maybe she has visited the best doctors and tried out all medicines. Is it her mistake that she is not able to bear a child?
Probably the young girl you are taunting everyday asking for good news, may have lost her first child and is still in trauma trying to recover the loss. Is it wrong if she is taking some time to recover herself physically, mentally and emotionally?
Probably the lady you are pestering to go and visit the doctor may have no problems and maybe she is hiding the fact that there are issues with her husband who is not ready to get himself tested and she is suffering quietly to not let her husband down.
That lady who has a special child and whom you are constantly asking to bear another child, may not be ready. She might have decided to dedicate her life for her special angel or she may be facing fears which she never talks to you about.
That newly married couple whom you have given a time line of one year to bear a child, may have just begun their careers and have started earning. Maybe they want to take some time not to enjoy their life, but to gain some financial stability so that they can take care of their little ones when they arrive.
That lady you laugh at for not bearing a child may have had battled a dreaded disease. She might have lost her womb or her reproductive organs to a deadly disease which she never prayed for.
That lady about whom you constantly gossip about may have had a traumatic past. She may have been abused and on her own will wished not to bear a child in order to save it from the abuse and ordeal.
It so easy for the society to demand for a baby, but have they been sensitive enough to understand that it takes time? For some, it happens immediately and for others, it does take time. Elders today tend to generalize and say that this generation wants to enjoy life and are not ready to take the responsibility of a kid. It may be true in a few cases, but it is definitely not right to put all the young couple in the same basket. Above all embracing parenthood is a decision that must be taken by couple but why is it been made a traumatic experience for so many!
Many times, blinded by the want for a child we fail to understand the trauma and pain a woman faces. The society in which we live, we blindly label a woman barren and make fun of her as being incomplete. Motherhood completes a woman but does being unable to bear a child make her any less a woman? We do not appreciate the fact that she is a wonderful wife, a dutiful daughter and a great daughter-in-law. We never acknowledge her talents and her career. At large, she is reduced to her ability to bear a child which is in no way justified.
A woman who is not able to conceive for a long time goes through traumatizing moments. She feels guilty of letting her parents and her parents in law down. She feels helpless when she sees her husband playing with other kids. She smiles when she is constantly compared to other women with babies. Every time she sees a baby, she imagines how it would be to have her own. Baby showers and pregnancy announcements make her scared. A woman goes through all this just because of the pressure we exert on her and nothing else.
Being in the same situation, I can totally understand how it is to not have an offspring of my own. After losing our first child due to miscarriage, the journey for my husband and I hasn’t been easy. Pressure, sarcasm and doubt in the eyes of family members does affect us and bury us. During all this I have realized that no matter what the society says, a little understanding and help from the family members can make a huge difference.
Once on being questioned for not conceiving and was feeling low, I was really touched by what my husband said, and it changed my entire outlook towards my situation. My husband gently told me that children are God’s gift and he would give us only if he feels we are ready for it. He promptly told me if God wishes that we should not bear a child, let’s stay so and if God wishes to bless us with a child, let us accept it with an open heart and mind.
As a parent, parent-in-law, or friend, or family, the best thing we can do for couples who are waiting to conceive is not to ask them when they would give the good news but rather gently tell them there will be good news and let us wait. This change of sentence can bring in so much relief to a couple and also boost their hope of becoming parents. Let us stop judging couples without kids but understand them, stand by them and help them in their journey to conceive. Let’s take a step further and learn to appreciate a woman for all her other qualities and not only for her ability to bear a child. By doing so, you would be sprinkling a ray of hope and faith in someone’s life.
Above all, let’s not forget the fact that God has decided everything beforehand. Let us give a chance to God to execute his timetable in our life and not force God to work according to our timelines. Probably then there will be peace and happiness.