Udupi: Wake up call-60% of India’s elderly forced to leave home by children


Daijiworld Media Network—Udupi (HB)

Udupi, Dec 21: The population of the elderly in India is continuously increasing and the problems they are facing are also increasing simultaneously. About 60 percent of the elderly couples in India are forced by their children to leave their homes. So, the number of people in old age homes is constantly increasing and also most of the parents are now choosing to live in
old age homes rather than living with their children.

According to Ravindranath Shanbhaug of Human Rights Foundation, it has been recorded that 192 senior citizens were forcibly sent out from their homes and families, of which 43 cases have been settled by approaching their children.
Kamalamma, from Bellavi village, Tumkur, had been in service for 32 years. She had 8 acres of own land and her son-in-law took it and sold it for Rs 1 crore. She was being tortured by her second daughter Nagalaxmi for money. Now Kamalamma has lost everything and stays in an old age home.

Sixty-five-year-old Vishalakshamma is another woman from Bengaluru who works on a power loom. She has a daughter and a son. Her son had forcibly taken away the RTC from her. Now, she has regained her property after long years of battle in court.

At present she resides at Satsanga Ashram and has voluntarily joined the service for fighting such cases. She says, “No one should get into a situation like mine. I suffered a lot to get my freedom.”

“Nearly 30 similar cases have been recently found in the Silicon Valley of India where most of the victims are widows. There are men also but they are fewer in number,” said Shanbhaug during the conference meet. He added, “Even sub-registrar or commissioners do not have in-depth information about the Senior Citizens’ Protection Act. It is better that the NGOs should meet their children before going to the assistant commissioner to file a case. Two people out of the 192 cases, died recently.”

Another is that of 76-year-old Rajalaxmi from Tumkur. She has four daughters and led her life with the help of her meager savings. When she lost her right leg to severe diabetes, her second daughter Theja transferred all the documents to her name. Now, Rajalaxmi is completely bedridden. After a case was filed, Tribunal Justice C L Anand, Tumkur, once again transferred all the documents from Theja to Rajalaxmi and ordained that the latter’s family must send her Rs 2,000 every month for her care.

Savithramma, (86), and Pushpa from Sringeri were also abandoned by their children after they got married. The number of such cases is increasing day by day. In India, the moral duty is thrust on children to care for their parents, but things have changed in reality. Most of the children are not willing to take on the responsibility and would not like to spend money on parents nor want to maintain emotional bonds with parents. This is mainly due to a fast life, money-oriented minds, inflation, and busy schedules. This way, elders are being neglected.

It’s time everyone realized that our parents need us till the end and create a strong emotional bond with them. They should not be treated as a burden.

  

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Comment on this article

  • XYZ, Mangalore

    Thu, Dec 25 2014

    Children should fulfill their duty in taking care of parents on BOTH sides, however, parents on BOTH sides shold also realize that children whether daughter-in-law or son-in-law are married and have their own privacy and family to attend to..
    In-laws who become grandparents later or elderly people sheould remain just THAT, in-laws or grandparents, they should never try to take the place of the father or mother to their grandchildren, and interfere in the married lives of their children telling them how to live their lives as they had .. Let the children live their own lives and not that of their parents on either sides..
    If this is taken into consdideration, then mutual respect develops for both sides, and thereby, parents won't
    be forced to leave their own homes by their children...

    DisAgree [1] Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • SAMANYA JANA, mangalore

    Tue, Dec 23 2014

    Present day young couples (between 25-40) have hardly seen the joint family. Most of them had no opportunity to growup in the joint family system. Going back some 25 years, the present elderly people were the people, who came out of this joint family culture. This may be due to various reasons related to job, property or misunderstandings. And all these years, they wanted to be independent and free from their roots. Now, when they have grown old, they are finding it difficult to understand their kids emotions and necessities.
    The western influence was enjoyed by those elders and now they want to revert back to indian culture for their convenience.
    In spite of this, there are a no. of kids who look after their parents considering their duty.

    DisAgree Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • Suman, Karkala/US

    Tue, Dec 23 2014

    We cannot totally blame children here.Most of the parents have 1 or 2 kids.In that some of them are abroad.Everyone cannot take parents to abroad due to various reasons.Also even if the parents and children are in India also there are some constraints.Every house both husband wife are working.Children are kept in daycare.Full time maids to take care of parents are not available.Husband and wife are so busy once they come home.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • Ramadas Acharya, Udupi/Pune

    Tue, Dec 23 2014

    It is true that family values are missing day by day due to greediness of new generation.They totally foget that they came to the world because of their mothers care and pain.
    History will repeat more severly for them who ill treat their parents.But unfortunately most of the senior citizen,s wont be there to see how.It is very encoraging more and more social associations and NGO's are coming to help suffering parents.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • KA D'Silva, Dubai

    Tue, Dec 23 2014

    Old-age people will be biggest issue for Modern India will face in future.
    Indian Etics and culutre is dying and turning towards western (following only bad western culture instead of good one).
    Need of hour is more old-age homes in every village/town/cities.

    Kind suggestion to covert all worship places (church temples Mosques Gurdudwars Basadis )into old-age homes which will benift human race !

    DisAgree Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • kumar, kudla

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    i saw your comment that god will take care of ....

    where is that god???

    after seeing ISIS / peshawar / the stupid VHP/BD, do you still feel that the entity"god"exists??

    and what about parents interference in husband-wife's life?
    what about parents "politics" to devide children to dominate in family?

    what about married female child's "adhika prasanga" in mother's place to irritate brother's wife?

    the media is always one sided.

    because my mother-in-law doesn't have male children , i decided to take care of my MIL, i only know how much inconvenience she is causing to my parents through her daughter / my wife...

    all parents are not proper in their dealings.

    my MIL wants to keep her schizophrenia daughter in my house... is there any daiji reader who wants to keep their wife's sister,total psychiatry patient ,constant irritation at their flat?

    all news / stories have other side also.

    DisAgree Agree [11] Reply Report Abuse

  • JL, Mangalore

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    All the below comments are valid when there is mutual respect, understanding and cooperation between the parents and children. But what if this is not the case. I can see from the comments only one way traffic blaming children. Before we pass judgment we have to understand that there could be different situations altogether which the old parents will never divulge to the public. I am aware of a lot of parents who are overbearing on their children specially a child who has been giving them all the respect due and taking care of all their needs as a dutiful son. The parents on their part start taking this for granted and at times can be very abusive, demanding, disrespectful, and arrogant, if there is a daughter-in-law in the picture the situation gets worse. Even after doing everything he gets blamed for nothing or everything. Parents don’t want to give up their power or hold on this child and want to dominate the home scenario inspite of their old age. The situation gets worse when their little or non-supporting children specially daughters keep interfering and create disharmony. They is absolutely no support from the parents in this child’s future plans and he is forced to go along with this parents wishes.

    At the same time his personal family life with his wife and children is a mess as he does not know whom to support. His children are exposed to daily quarrels and unhealthy circumstances in the house. When this situation reaches its extreme this will culminate in either this supportive child separating from his parents if he can afford it or the parents being evicted if their attitude becomes unbearable. If one does not have such selfish parents they are lucky indeed and it is a joy to take care of such parents, but what if not?

    DisAgree Agree [16] Reply Report Abuse

  • Harold D'cunha, Mangalore, India

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    Driving away their own parents at old age by their own children, cannot believe. Which culture is this?

    Is our own genes are full of ungratefulness?

    Thou u sow, thou u reap. When one is young parent, teach your own children good values and pls take care of your own parents. That is the example u can give to your children .Then at least u can bet on your children atg old age but not guaranteed.

    Parents also should remember, their in laws are always in laws as they do not have your own genes. Never & ever transfer your ownership title in any of your children until your last breath on this earth.

    DisAgree Agree [16] Reply Report Abuse

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    The worst feeling is the feeling of unwanted by the persons you love the most. Hence, we should remember that those who do not plan the future, do not have one.

    DisAgree Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • Azeez bedra, Dubai- Moodbidri

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    Parents are a gift from God. All parents love their children and care for them through out their life. Therefore, it is also moral duty of their children to look after their parents when they grow old. We should know the value of our parents and see them happy and smiling. Almighty has also ordered us to be dutiful to our parents. If they attain old age, we are neither supposed to utter any word of disrespect nor shout at them. We should always treat them honorably.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • JR,

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    IT IS SO BECAUSE WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO WESTERN CULTURE WITHOUT KNOWING FULLY AND OUR CORRUPT LONG LEGAL PROCEDURE WHICH EVEN NOT ALLOWS ELDERLY PEOPLE SAFE TO LIVE INDEPENDENTLY.
    "HENNIGE HENNE SHATHRU" IS NOT EXCEPTION IN CASE OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER IS THE MAJOR CAUSE OF CONCERN AND SEEN IN MOST OF THE CASES AT PRESENT.
    QUICK & SEVERE PUNISHMENT OF IN SUCH CASES CAN ARREST SITUATION TO SOME EXTENT.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [6] Reply Report Abuse

  • PEDDU, MANGALURU

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    NO PARENTS TO CRY !!!!

    BE SMART AND NOT BECOME EMOTIONAL FOOL !!

    THIS IS A WAKEUP CALL FOR EVERYONE

    DisAgree Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    1.It is a fact.
    2. Blame it on the jet age, corporate culture or whatever.
    3. We forget the very root cause of our existence!May be it's got to do with the 'teaching' too nowadays.
    We teach everything but not how to be 'humane'. Of course-love has to come from within, not taught ..but then at least the environs must be made conducive.
    4. We are too fast marketing ourselves as 'compact products' for a price tag with no emotions attached whatsoever.
    5. As to where we are heading...we too never have a clue...
    Is it not?

    DisAgree Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • Mamatha , Mangalore

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    in olden days there used to be extended families. there were always someone or the other to look after the small kids and elderly at home itself. now there are nuclear families where both husband and wife work. there is no one to look after the elderly. servants cannot be trusted by themselves. there is a need to build high quality old age homes, or apartment complexes or gated communities only for the elderly. here they will have company of people of their own age group with whom can communicate well and understand their problems. their children will also be assured that their parents are being looked after well and are happy. we should look for practical solutions and go on blaming the present generation. we push our children to embrace the western civilization, for those lucrative salaries... therefore we should not be shocked when we face the same problems of the western world...

    DisAgree [1] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • Albert D' Souza, Mangalore/San Diago.

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    in North America and western European Countries that old parents have safety net (Social security, Medical, Supplemental social security, City & County Department of aging etc) provided by the Government or private religious organizations, Fellow Citizens including High School & college age students provide free voluntary service to senior citizens and give generous donations to service providing institutions. India people only give everything to invisible God & children and spoil the children . generally people are selfish for themselves , keep everything in the family. I am afraid that India may become home to largest merciless cold hearted people.

    DisAgree Agree [18] Reply Report Abuse

  • Stan, Udupi/ Dubai

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    God loves all those who love their parents and take care of them at their old age. God created us these parents and its our duty to look after them. There is no other curse than bringing tears into the eyes of old parents. We too will grow old and repenting at our old age will not help. Look after your parents well and live longer healthier and wealthier as promised by god.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [15] Reply Report Abuse

  • gm, mlure

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    When we become old why should we depend on our children? They have their own life, in my opinion old age homes with all facilities like medical care, fun time, exercise, prayer time, good food etc etc better. This is not for the old generation those who are in their 70 -80's.

    DisAgree [14] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • Suleman Byari, Udupi

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    I feel proud when my parents tell others that we have a wonderful children. Wish all parents have the same treatment and feeling from and for their children.

    DisAgree Agree [26] Reply Report Abuse

  • joe Gonsalves, Mangalore

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    It has been my thinking that only in North America and The European Countries that old parents are sent to OLD AGE HOMES. Of course there are some senior citizens' homes also in India. However it is a shocking revelation that 60 % of the senior people are sent to OLD AGE HOMES. I am 93 years and my wife is 89 years old. Our children cannot do enough for us. We get all the love and care from our children all the time. They not only do all that they can do for us but ensure that we have all the comforts. Apart rom other aspects they insist that we have help at our disposal all the time. What else can our children do for us.

    It is my hope that children all over the world and specially in India realize that it is their turn to love and help their parents in their old age bearing in mind that a time will come when they too will get old and their children in turn will return to them the love care and attention in equal measure.

    Joe Gonsalves

    DisAgree Agree [20] Reply Report Abuse

  • Lawrence, USA

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    Shock to hear the current trend of forcing the elderly to leave home by children.

    It is time that the legislators should enact something like Parents Support Act where the children are legally required to support their parent. It is just and fair that children should support their parents in their advanced age.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • Max and Jessie Rasquinha, Mangalore, Houston/Dallas, Texas

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    Interesting message and also a valuable message to ponder about the growing aging population in India that has to go thru so many odd situations in their stage of their old age due to so many family episodes,many of them obviously prevail beyond anyone's control. The aging population syndrome is also further compounded with expansion of life span in India with improved health conditions and additional medical facilities that now made available in India.

    Adding to all of the above, the growing affluence in India with added attractive appreciation of properties and other individual assets such as jewelry, household belongings etc., is causing numerous episodes within the four walls of the house bringing series of disharmonies and misunderstandings that our Indian culture finds very difficult to overcome.

    The best solution to all the above problems is to create various family Counselling Centers that could provide timely and discrete guidance to deserving family members, both young and old, so that proper guidance is rendered thru legal as well as psychological guidelines that could pave way for appropriate and cautious solutions.

    Peace and harmony within the family members is of paramount importance, but this can be only achieved thru various advance planning and mutual dialogs created by responsible groups with a neutral attitude of love and respect.

    The Temples, Mosques and Church groups can also intervene in such family feuds but each and every situation is delicate and often sensitive where a legal mandate can also serve as a timely solution.

    Aging situations and consequences are not only applicable within India but it is a global issue, and therefore each and every episode need be tackled with utmost care and empathy. Each and every parent has to think well, plan well and perform well so as to achieve a lasting peaceful solution in order to preserve our Indian culture, our tradition and most importantly our family unity where love and sacrifice essential

    DisAgree [2] Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • Achhu , M,lore

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    My parents are with me, I always say thanks to Allah for giving me this opportunity.

    Many men change after the marriage. Can we blame one female for other female's cry.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [20] Reply Report Abuse

  • Nisar Ahmed, mangalore/dammam

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    Please check the names of all victims. people cannot look after their own parents, then how they can look after old aged gaumatha?

    DisAgree [5] Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • Rems, qatar

    Mon, Dec 22 2014

    60% ??? I thought Indians were parent-centric people who did exactly what their parents told them to do until they became old themselves. 60% ? If it was true, half the homes in the country would have been old-age homes.

    DisAgree Agree [6] Reply Report Abuse

  • Valerian D'souza, Udupi / Mumbai

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    Earlier people had to work and study,
    make their own house and things, marriage and support their siblings and parents,
    for there used to be more members in a family.
    But now the system has changed. Parents have one or two children. Children are provided with best of education,
    they get jobs quite easily,
    house and things are readily available to them.
    Parents spend for their grand wedding and their children are looked after by grand parents.
    So they know no pain.
    They enjoy life and have not learned to sacrifice anything for anybody.
    This is how parents spoil children. Parents Sacrifice is taken as weakness. Anybody for that matter, if are too good then others will take undue advantage. Grown up Children should be made to work for their living.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [31] Reply Report Abuse

  • Mahendra Shetty, Mumbai Mangalore

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    THIS IS A VERY TRAGEDY TREND IS GOING ON ALL OVER INDIA.....IN MOST OF THE PLACE THE ELDER PEOPLE ARE FACING SAME PROBLEM AND AS PER STUDY THE KERALA IS IN NUMBER ONE IN THIS RACE...NOW IN MODERN DAY MARRIAGE, THE FIRST QUESTION IS DO YOU STAY WITH YOUR PARENTS OR STAY SEPARATELY? IF THEY CHOOSE THE PARENTS MOST OF THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL WILL BE REJECTED.....

    DisAgree [1] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • shagird, mangalore

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    children are being educated with the best books on subjects like phy, chem, bio,Elec, compt sci etc but ironically they donot have any subject/class dealing with moral education.This is just the beginning of the decline of our social values, if left unchecked it will become a standard practice as in the west which we very much like to ape.

    DisAgree Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • PEDDU, MANGALURU

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    THIS IS QUITE NATURAL BY A HUMAN ( HE IS THE MOST INTELLIGENT AMONG THE OTHER ANIMALS)

    NOWADAYS !! PARENTS CAN ONLY GIVE A GOOD EDUCATION TO THEIR CHILDREN THAT IS ONLY CAN DO THE MAXIMUM BY THE LIVING GOD !! REST OF THE THING CHILDREN SHOULD EARN AND BUILD HIS OWN HOUSE AND FEEL THE PAIN OF LABOUR.

    EVEN NO NEED TO ALL ASSETS IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN AND WRITE A CONDITIONAL AGREEMENT FOR THE ENTITLEMENT OF THE ASSET AFTER THE NATURAL,PEACEFUL AND GRACEFUL DEATH !!

    DisAgree Agree [4] Reply Report Abuse

  • J D, Kuwait

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    I suppose akhand bharat culture!

    DisAgree [3] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • Matthew, Nitte

    Sun, Dec 21 2014

    Sad all around. We have long forgotten "matro-pithro devobhava" (your parents are your first gods). It is imperative as we age we should not only think of children but also about ourselves. Start saving for retirement as soon as possible, keep this away from children's education and their inheritance funds. Gone are the days where our culture assured that our children will take care of us in our old, we have to look after ourselves now.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse


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Title: Udupi: Wake up call-60% of India’s elderly forced to leave home by children



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