London, Oct 6 (IANS): "X Factor" judge Nicole Scherzinger says she suffered from eating disorder bulimia in the past, and she hated herself for it.

The 34-year-old revealed her struggle with the disorder in a new VH1 documentary "Behind The Music", reports thesun.co.uk.

"I just hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed. I felt so alone. I was in a group, and I never felt so alone in my life," said Scherzinger.

The former Pussycat Dolls member would self-induce vomiting.

"I did it every day for, like, years. Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I'd try to hide those. I think the girls could tell," she added.

Scherzinger says she felt ashamed of her problems, but couldn't share it with anyone.

"It's embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know.

"I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kind of doing things to myself was my addiction. It's like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I'd come back to my room and I'd be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction," she added.

But she admits, "music is what saved me. It's the only thing that I can trust."