vishwa, delhi

me and my grlfriend lived for about 6 moths as livein relationship,should both of us consider as marriage,she want to left me,can i go in court,now according to law plz help me

Kevin Lopez, Mumbai/Indore

Did god marry adam and eve in a ritual??? i guess it is not written in the bible.. there was a blessing i guess and that blessing in absence of god almighty himself is gained with parents whom we seek next to god... tell me if i am wrong?

JOHN C FURTADO, KUNDAPUR/UK

I THINK ITS TOO EARLY TO HAVE SUCH A LAW IN INDIA WERE 3 RAPES ARE REPORTED IN A HOUR,IMAGINE THE ONES NOT REPORTED.THIS LAW WILL GIVE AN UPPER HAND TO MEN TO MISUSE .Women can be targeted easily ,emotionally & LEFT ALONE. WITHOUT any security,community support.leading towards losing her dignity the pride of an INDIAN WOMEN. Women please rethink .

Sashi, India

Marriage is the oldest institution and it was established by God.
God has given guidelines about the marriage.

A.S. Mathew

==> Mr. Mathew, you perpetually give everything a religious colour. Which god gave the guidelines?. Please do not quote from the bible to justify that it is god's word ( I have no issues with the bible, so do not get back on this topic ). It is a man made protocol and religion capitalized on that and put the fear on people to adhere to. In Islam, more than one wife is allowed, I am not pointing any fingers here but just trying to find out now which God's guidelines do we follow ?. Further, in Mahabaratha, we do have individuals with multiple wives or ramayan with individuals with multiple husbands... now this adds more to the question on guidelines..

The legality issue that is opened up with the new live in relationship law will help those men or women who are cheated by people who are married to another individual and have a fake marriage with them only to find out a few years later the truth. Now, he is trapped as the live in relationship is legally bound.

In this article, I do not see anything wrong with what happenned. Both agreed to live in together fully aware of the repercussions. Marriage in this case was not guarenteed. Then why crib when it breaks up ?. I know that it will be an emotional scar, but if one is sensitive then one should not get into these relationship in the first place. It should be a decision by a mature adult and not a kid for some fun time.

I see a number of readers state that god gave sex, then who gave veneral disease?. It is just another important function such as eating etc.. We have to moderate it and use it judicially. Please note that the primary function of the mouth is to eat. Language, whistling etc is a secondary function. Let us treat sex in the same manner. Let us not associate live-in and sex. There is more going on when one lives with a partner and sex becomes trivial as an act but more meaningful otherwise.

I think a lot of readers should see this with a sensible/real life aspect and not simply dump it on "God will punish".

adshenoy, mangloor

Pleasure, satisfaction, whatever one calls it is integral part of reproduction, thats Gods way. Its natural perhaps an incentive for reproduction.
Thats why God made Adam and Eve first on earth and not ADAM and STEVE.

hafeeex, uae

Very complicated issue,
Live in relationship is for those , who do not want to commit for each other and still live together and even raise the children, take care of the family value, as a any married family loving and caring. In such relationship only no name- It is as a like normal family. If the family run with such relationship and happy and contentmented , then why not???
Why the society has to object????

On the other hand, today generation Earning children leave their old parents at home and go for their bread and butter-gulf countries , the old parents most of the time alone, mother or father stay in back home India with some maid help. In such old and along individual this is very blessed law, it can allow them to stay with old men and women together without any binding relationship and share the life.
With such relationship where both the partners enjoy their life till they die without any legal obligation what so ever. In today generation children to not have any time and emotional attachment to their old parents, they leave them in orphanage. Such old people if they are financially independent can take such decision and go for live in relationship with suitable partner.

In Kerala some churches are taking initiative to old widower and widows to marry and spend last part of their life with some ones companionship. this is not only for sexual desire but this is for companionship to share their joy and loneliness.
Society has to accept this type of relationship, when the couple go to such relationship for their own view point. Society should not bother on them. Why should someone sacrifice his/her desire for the fear of the society. When the legal authority permits to have such live in relationship.

Charles D'Mello, Pangala

Wherever, However, whatsoever, Whoever was not applicable to Adam and eve..being they were the first on the earth. Human Beings and Dolphins have sex for pleasure it seems. To control NASTY HUMAN BEINGS ... the God,Religion, Marriage and law is required (and still we fail to control ourselves). All the other animals live in harmony with inbuilt programme and they do not misuse.

adshenoy, mangloor

"vada ani soda sousar bora" does not mean one can go on reproducing, whenever, whereever, however, whatsever, whoever and so on.
God gave sex for living species for certainly reproduction. Sex has to be respected and not to be abused for personal pleasures.
Religion certainly plays a dominent role in sex education, and integral part, it teaches behavioural corrections.

Its not to be used for "vada ani soda ani kashei sousar bora"

Animals have no religion but these creatures reproduction is orderly.

A.S.Mathew, U.S.A.

We have the right to make our decisions to lead our lives the way we want to lead. The court
can make laws to fit the trend  of the time, because the judges are human beings. But God's laws
are eternal, and when we try to ignore God's laws made for us we will pay a heavy price and
penalty for the rest of our life.

Marriage is the oldest institution and it was established by God.
God has given guidelines about the marriage.

God is not a slave master to punish us for every disobedience at the spot, but for every disobedience and rebellion against God, one day in its due time, we must answer to God. Whatever religions we
may follow, God's laws are universal, solid and not flexible.
"We will reap from where we sow"

Brian Lobo, Mumbai/Mangalore

Good article pearl.Hot issue going on in the society these days.Only God can save the sin going on in this society.

John, dubai

true, i agree with merwyn..

EDDYNAZERETH, KUDLA /SHANGHAI

Charles Dmello....thanx mate for the enlightenment.....hope adshenoy mangloor and Lydia lobo kadri now understand what i was talking about... guys lets leave religion out of this topic.....LIVE-IN-RELATIONSHIPS HAVE NO RELIGION........

Charles D'Mello, Pangala

Guy's and Girls please note..if forbidden apple is sex, why God created Eve at the first instance...and why he has said "vada ani soda sousar bora"..!!???? Without sex which animal can reproduce ..??

Shammi, Karnataka

Day by day Children of Adam are becoming children of apes.Live in relationship might be certified by Law of sm nation but it is purely not acceptable by ALMIGHTY.For all ppl think practically abt such relationship tht wer will it end.NO MATTER HOW WORLD IS PROGRESSING WITH SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY,BUT NOT EVEN SINGLE MAN FOUND OUT A CURE FOR DEATH.

SO I SUGGEST ONE SHOULD NOT FORGET THERE IS SMTHING CALLED DEATH CALL BY ALMIGHTY ,SO PLZ DONT CROSS HIS BOUNDARIES .BE GOD FEARING PRACTICE UR RELIGION.MAY LORD MAKE US WISE THINKER,SO THT OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS BE ON SAFER SIDE.

Prathi, Mangalore

Live relationship is bad or good it depends their success, if it goes right it is good if it goes wrong it is bad, only few were success in this relation in conclusion we cant say its right.

James Dsouza, Mangalore

It is easy to preach than practice, my sister in law has left her husband of 20 years and is living with a young man half of her age. the child is with her. The young man either will leave her in one -two years or will fall behind the daughter who will be a beautiful teenager in 2 years time. not only that now she is looking for new friends in facebook, orkut, hi5 etc.

In mangalore now a days its only money and sex, tried all means to unite the family, but this modern live in relation and sex is stronger than human values.The sad part to tell you is the child also sings the same tune. we have lost morals in this rapidly changing world.most of the times it is easy to advise than to get into the skin of the character.

Preethi Pais, Mangalore/Bangalore

Very nice topic and well written.I liked your previous topic on ROCE as well.Girls should be fully protected if any some mishaps occur in life because once a girls name spoils then it is all over.

Cynthia DSilva, Bombay / Dubai

It is an individual choice if one wants to go in for a live-in relationship or no? However, live-in relations are existing in India from a very long time, its only now that we have started talking about it. Live and let live, do not interfere into any one's business.

Manvit, Mangalore

Dear Lydia, If any girl or boyintrested in live-in relationship not bothering about society then why did they need suport of same society when there is problem in thier relationship? When the girl becomes pregnant & boy is not ready to accept , who will take care of her, is it you or court or you will find another guy who will accept that kid???

Nirmala, Mangalore/Bahrain

Hi Pearl Very good article! keep it up!

Rakesh Dsouza, Mangalore, Dubai

A good article from Ms.Pearl on a hot issue and nice comments from readers.
All should keep one thing in mind that those who go with live-in relationship are aults and not minors and they are the sole responsible for the consequences arising in the future and there is nothing in expecting society and law to support them. One must have enough daring to face the consequences arise thereof.
The success of Marriage or Live-in-Releationship is purely based on the couples attitude / understanding. When you go against the society norms it is not justifiable to seek support from the society when something goes wrong.
No onc in this world are rerady to accept their faults but points out towards the other. there is no meaning in blaming either parties.

Lydia Lobo, Kadri

Francis,

Come out of your slumber - the ruling is not about going to a hotel for one-time-sex - its about staying together outside the covenant of marriage. We are only discussing the ruling nobody is agreeing that it is a preferred lifestyle.

Lydia Lobo, Kadri

Adshenoy,

The Theologian is not wrong - that is how exactly its taught to children. I did not know the meaning of that 'apple' until one of my cousins went to a marriage preparation course wherein she was informed that the 'apple' was actually sex before marriage.

Now that we are discussing about this ruling, the situation with the church teaching don't change a bit - sex before marriage is forbidden.

Francis, Dubai/Mangalore

Dear readers I have a question for you. A couple who have a relation for a long time go to a lodge to spend one night. For their bad luck on that night there happens to be a police raid. Along with prostitutes these people also get caught. Now tell me whether this couple is charged under prostitution. Otherway round why can't the prostitute argue that she is just starting her live in relationship today (consider both of them unmarried).

Viola Mascarenhas, Padil

I totally agree that the guy should not use the girls for pleasure if he is not sure of marrying the girl.Why spoil her life?Sad thing is even parents support such things these days.
Intercast weddings are also another threat to our society. I have known one girl who was in a relationship with a non catholic boy,they broke up after many years and again now got married to another non catholic boy.They both have belong to different religions and if this wedding ever lasts then the children born out of this will wonder where to go.Church or temple? God save your People.

adshenoy, mangloor

Mr. Nazereth, Shangai. What you said is correct in ordinary lay terms for the sake of church teachings. But in fact the "apple" and "forbidden tree" is what I was talking about- forbiden sex. How can the church teach religoius lessons for small children who are not aware of sex. This explantion is not my own but coming from well learned a theologian. This makes sense. Apple perhaps makes no sense in literary terms. Is the theologian wrong? beats me.

STANY D'SOUZA, MANGALORE

Good article. Congratulations Pearl.
Keep it up...

Melissa Lobo, Mangalore

Good article Pearl.As always you write very well.Keep writing.

EDDYNAZERETH, KUDLA /SHANGHAI

Dear adshenoy,mangloor..sorry mate ..but u got ur facts wrong ....GOD PUNISHED ADAM AND EVE NOT BECAUSE THEY HAD SEX ....BUT BECAUSE THEY DISOBEYED HIM BY EATING AN APPLE FROM THE FORBIDDEN TREE........

Antony Crasta, Mangalore/Sydney Australia

Live-in-relationships should be fine and acceptable as long as the couples follow the safe family planning methods so that unwanted pregnancies are avoided. So guys, make sure to use the  safety devices when you are engaging in sexual activity. After all, what are they for, and they are cheaply available too! However, should a pregnancy result as a consequence of their act, they must legally get married before the child arrives.

Merwyn, mangalore

Dear Pearl,

Nice article, But the story regarding your friend, narrated by you is not satisfactory. If the wedding was finalised and cancelled on the later part then there could be some reasons for the family to back off. They must have found something wrong with the girl. Eg:

1) The would have been stubborn.
2) The girl must have been illtreating their son
3) The girl must have been very demanding.
4) The girl was not compromosing on few instance. etc etc.
So normally its easy to support your friends. But it is better to get in the shoes of the boys family and understand what was thier concern all about.

adshenoy, mangloor

Live-in-relationships: While legality has been somewhat taken care of by law courts, the morality is still a issue in societal and faith based courts.

Convenience, modality,temporary committment out of marital union, and testing the compatibility before commiting to a legal entity of marriage and problems, legality, and costs acssociated with breakdown of marriages are some of the reasons cited for this type of behaviour.

Humans are ever evolving creatures unlike birds and animals. Animals and birds act on instincts but humans are supposed to think.
It is not known Adam and Eve were married but were companians.Sexual reproduction was not an issue then. It is believed a sin perhaps was committed when they engaged in sex(prohibited by GOD) and God was angry and gave labour to women in childbirth and toil to men in return for the sin of pre marital sex. I cannot explain more.

But I do have an answer for live-ins. India live-ins is an emerging issue when chidren are born and the west has dealt with this long long time ago. Perhaps its acceptable to courts , law, and some segment of society but its not acceptable in terms of family, wholesome society, welfare of the children born out of wedlock and above all its very selfish.

The church has not sanctified this relationship as far as I know,
Church marriage requires an annulment to wind up so why bother to marry at all in church may be another view held by many in the west.
Prepared for this? Yor call.

ronald, mangalore

i agree to ur thoughts, ur article is great,but i would like to know,the woman gets alimony, if the boy ditches her, but what if the girl ditches the man, what alimony can a man get,today men and women are considered equal right

Nicholas, Bangalore/Canada

Hi,
This article depends on the people who read it. There is advantage in all relations let it be marriage R Live in.
For Instance In mangalore I have seen lot of girls get married to a person from abroad & once she is pregnant the guy disappears,does the society or community r her husband's name take care of her & the kid.
If both girl & boy understand the responsibility & act as grownup both Marriage R Live In relationship works if not both fails.Only in marriage you are spending money & declaring to the community that your marital status has changed.
As I Have lived & travelled overseas I have seen couples in live in are happier than married persons with broken relationship & also Vice Versa
Its your personal choice & relations must not be made scaring community r courts

Rohan, mangalore

Supreme court has said that having live in relationship is not a crime but nowhere it has given legitimate rights to the partners wherin if one opts out of this arrangement he cannot be questioned or is not answerable.

Patrick R Braggs, Bejai,Mangalore

Live in relationship is nothing but falling of a family tree.And it isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.That's the jist of the supreme court judgement.

Derek, Boston

A sedate reply to Parvez, India who worte: In future there ll b a big problem " MERA BAAP KAUN HAI"....

Why are you on a one track mind ? .. Why cannot it also be
"MERA MAA KAUN HAI".

REMEMBER. You always need two hands to clap !!

Suleman, Udupi

Modern live in relationship ruined many in the western world. I don't welcome such live in relation ship without marriage. The law in westen countries protected female to great extent, but it may not in our country India.
'Karimani kattande badukuna prema...baduke badayida...'

Clement Cardoza, Kelmbet, Dubai

Indeed a good article as well as positive and negative comments. But has any consideration given to the moral issues arising out of live in relationship ? When we think only in terms of present life and it's conveniences, yes, it is justified. But not , if we take some time to think about the life after. Do we Remember "Sodom and Gomorrah" - where evil ways of people was not tolerated by "Almighty"

Anil D Souza, Mangalore

Very immature view Pearl. If any girl or boy expect Society to support them they should live according to society's norms. If anybody wants to live according to his will and wish he should be brave enough to face the consequences. It is just like neglecting road safety norms and blaming traffic rules for the accident. It is ironic that without following society's standard , you are accusing it of Double Standards.

Steve, Kuwait

Thanks Pearl for your nice article. It is indeed sad that couples after staying together for such a long time and then married face a lot of problems after marriage. All please note that these things (Live in relationships) will rapidly decrease the population and the religion/community which does not follow this will rule the world in the years to come. It is already proved in western countries and soon India will also join. Root cause - misuse of higher education.

Henry Pinto, Mumbai/Mangalore

Though provoking article Miss Pearl D'Silva.Todays young generation is very much forward and inturn suffer for their decisions sooner or later.But yes girls life will always get ruined as she is of no significance once she has been in a live in relaion with a boy.I second you Mr.John Kenneth,Kuwait.Boys please repsect a girl.Boys please repsect a girl.

Brian, Dubai

In my opinion, the whole live-in relationship concept has more cons than pros. Like you mentioned clearly in the article, the man or girl ditching the partner puts a black mark on them also children being born of this relationship only makes things more complicated.
Though it's not considered illegal by the SC, (i.e. with the consent of both the partners) I believe that people should take it slow and not rush into anything that they will have to repent the whole time.
All said, ultimately it depends on the couple, after all everyone has their right to live life the way they want to!

Charles D'Mello, Pangala

Live In relationship is not legal in India, but it is not a offence. If the girl/boy are ready to go for live in relationships, then they shall be ready to face the consequences also. If they dont care for the soceity while going for live in relationships, they shall not care for the soceity even after break in relationship.Doing which is not legal and asking for legal help when it breaks is not a wise idea..!!??

rashi, jharkhand

I agree wid u pearl.I think ur frnd sud hav done case on Boys family for breaking relation

Clifford Dsouza, Mangalore

Nice article Pearl.I will totally support the female generation in this context because I am a father of 2 daughters and I know what would have happened to my daughters fate if such an issue would have occured.There are many girls who have been cheated upon after enjoying with the girl saying"I need to listen to my family".The family along with such boys should be taken to the court and they will know what shame is!

Sanjeeth, Bangalore

Good article... its nice to see the law is d with time... this is important to keep the law relevant and appropriate...

Johnson Pinto, Mangalore/Bangalore

I remembered one of my neighbour's who were together for 8 months and one day the girl shifted from that house because she found that the guy cheated behind her.The girl then came back after few days but the guy did not let her in and hit her badly in general public.Any girl having this type of problem can now go to the court and file a case against such incidents.

Juliet Vas, Mangalore

Hey pearl,
Good article Indeed! Yes I do agree with the lifestyle changing now where adults enter such a relationship a girl should get some rights as in our society a girls name gets ruined once she roams around with a guy.If this guy leaves her then she should be given the same respect and youngsters should give her a life by marrying her as long as her past does not come in between their married life.Great going!

Gerald Menezes, Mangalore

Good article Pearl.Appreciate your courage to bring forth such topics.  John Kenneth Jebaraj WIlliam, Kuwait I totally agree with you.

Amisha Rodrigues, Mangalore / Dubai

This is not a good decision. I got child if my child goes and stay with someone after a while he did not agree to take a girl the girl is in trouble not the boy? Try to do some improvement in this world. Now days all the sickness are spreading through the love affairs. Before there was not such sickness in this world. People love to watch the rubbish moves and do for their enjoyment. No prayer in the house, not following their own community rules.

Suggestion: In Gulf for Muslims before the marriage there is blood check up. In my mind in Catholic we have marriage course before marriage. I suggest there should be blood check to be done before marriage. How can one Girl can trust a boy or boy can trust a girl what sickness he got. After marriage they will suffer of the child will suffer. I know that people dont like this. But for safe side it is better. I want some suggestion from some one for this can some one answer this question?

Janet D'souza, Mangalore/Abu Dhabi

I couldn't agree with you any more Zubin, Kanpur. If two grown up, individual people are mature and bold enough to enter into such a whimsical relationship, they should also be sensible enough to solve the problems arising out of it. They should be responsible enough not to drag rest of the society into their 'I-don't-care' attitude.
Every individual, whether a boy or a girl should think of the consequences before committing into any unusual relationship. No point in crying over spilt milk.

Sudeep Vas, Mangalore

I totally agree with the author's views on some aspects of live in.Very well focused and brilliant article.Why the girl alone?Even so many boys have been ditched by the girls.Women have all benefits like womens day and many others.What do men have?Dont they have emotions? We should also be having some rights.

Lancy Lobo, Mangalore

Pearl,
Very nice article again.i like your views.You boldly try and get in the hot controversial topics.I am also happy with the supreme courts decision.No one's life will go for the dogs.Well written

John Kenneth Jebaraj WIlliam, Kuwait

Frankly speakin..I appreciate that pearl has brought out this topic for a discussion.. but lets keep in mind that we should be commited in whatever we do.. may it be a relationship or anythin... My advice to guys..PLEASE DONOT RUIN THE LIFE OF A GIRL FOR THE MERE PLEASURE OF SEX IF U DON HAVE THE GUTS TO FACE UR PARENTS AND MARRY HER.....U will have to answer god...

Anil Pinto, Mumbai/Abu Dhabi

The rationale behind the new law is to be in sync with the changing times. Having said that we cannot use the live-in tag as something which carries an aspirational value.
Although mature grown ups can live together and share a beautiful relationship , legalizing a live-in relationship can turn into a loose cannon in the hands of selfish and unscruplous people
who can cause a lot of emotional hurt. The institution of marriage was created to specifically avoid such problems.

For many individuals who are commitment-phobic, without a binding law (such as marriage), life is just another merry-go-round.  I hope in the name of modernization we are not going to be slowly pushed back to the stone-ages. I hope common sense prevails.

parvez, india

In future there ll b a big problem " MERA BAAP KAUN HAI"....who all agree to live in this type of relation ,get ready to answer u r children !!

Reshma, Mangalore

Any how its good decision. i appreciate this courts decision, thank u

Prakash Melwin, Moodubelle/ Bangalore

I appreciate the author’s views as I am also having pretty much same views. But I never suggest anyone for a live-in relationship. I know few of my friends suggested me such thing and everyone may have few of such friends. We have our own brains and our parents to decide in what direction we need to go ahead. I would say even for those people in love and committed, no matter how deep you trust or love each other or even if your families know each other, best thing is at least get engaged before entering a live-in relationship. It may be bit safer, even though not fully. Those who want to live together for fun, go ahead. You are the adults and have the ability to think your own and frame your future as you want.

Lydia Lobo, Kadri

Zubin,

Neither the writer nor the court force anybody to accept live-in relationship but says that there is no problem if it happens as long as it does not harm a person's safety/security. For example, you may agree with polygamy but I don't. Similarly, somebody may be happy with living outside the covenant of marriage - who are we to stop them ? They have a liberty to life as the want and they don't beg for dictation from me or you ?

wilfred, bangalore

I am worried if it happens there is no difference between dog and humanbeings. God only save them

Zubin, Kanpur

A very superficial article. The author is implying that an illegal situation should be legally binding (SC said it is not a offense, that dose not make it legal). Not marrying in the first place is to have the convenience of breaking off without legal issues, why on earth someone would stay together and nor marry if they feel committed to each other (don’t give excuse of caste and religion if they can stay together they have enough courage and power to marry as well). It’s like saying I want to drive, but don’t want to apply for a license and go through the legal process. As getting a license would make me obligated to the society and rule of law. Why should the vast majority waste their time on people who anyways make individual choice in complete disregard to society, their family and others?
Any ramifications of any individual be it a boy or a girl should be borne by them good or bad. If the guys are moving out so dose lot of girls who move out as it is arrangement of convenience, pls don’t drag the other normal people who believe in sanctity of marriage and have the honour and courage to to the world that they are committed to each other for life. Bad luck for your friend it happens!

Lydia Lobo, Kadri

Pearl,

A very famous incident happened in Karnataka, it was reported in detail by TV9. A girl named Sonia had an affair with a man who ditched her and was tying a knot with another girl. Sonia and her sister went to the place where the marriage was taking place and were beaten by the relatives of the bride-to-be. To viewers shock, Sonia openly d that she is three months pregnant by that man. They both belonged to Hindu community and social groups gave Sonia solid support and it went on till the man getting arrested and paternity test conducted to ascertain if he was the father or not. Therefore, I say, though today's youth don't live-in, they are strong enough to fight against injustice and the society is no so rigid to hush-up the matter. Nevertheless, it is not correct to force a woman to go back to the man who ditched her - we must help them to go one with their life with a very strong willpower. There ARE men who accept a woman as she is, despite her past and they live like any other happy couple. I may not be wrong in saying that bad step-motherly treatments are more in our society than rare step-fatherly.

Better said than done but given time, all wounds heal including emotional/forced separations.