Oct 1, 2010
Act 1
The drama unfolds when an uncle or aunt's comments(rather a snide remark) make our parents think that their kid is getting really old and it's time he/she stops enjoying life. After all happiness is not everything in life. So they conclude we are ready for the holy union. The same uncles and aunts are then used for broadcasting the availability of an eligible bachelor/spinster in the household.
Act II
The show starts with a bang. With phrases like "Fair, slim, good-looking girl wanted" (for a Bappi Lahiri look alike)... or a "Boy with decent family background and clean habits" (for a girl who idolizes Rakhi Sawant) going around in matrimonial columns or portals.
Act III
The verification, validation and elimination round. Innumerable matches are browsed and are eliminated based on pedigree (The Aunt says: The bride's sister's brother-in-law is married to a person from another community it seems...how blasphemous!!).
Mars is in second house and Venus is in fourth house, that's a bad combination for a horoscope you see. If we marry this person there will be bad luck for the next 14 generations. The groom's father, mother, brother, sister and puppy will get a cardiac arrest, a tsunami will strike from the flush and engulf the house. No way can we take a person with this kind of horrorscope!! This is what the uncle says.
A year passes by… they get bored and lose hope with this act and still the search continues. Well it goes like this....
First the parents would have started off with the search string 'Beautiful Mangalorean girl looking out for good-looking Mangalorean boy, preferably professionally qualified'...then due to low success rate it is now changed to 'Beautiful Mangalorean bride looking for Mangalorean professionally qualifed groom'. With not much success either the search criteria is transformed to 'Mangalorean girl looking for Mangalorean boy' ..then at a later point changes to 'a boy'. Finally the search is like Bridegroom wanted...caste, community no bar (Wah! wah! what broad mindedness)...this implies to all castes, communities and creeds (last survey counted more than 50 thousand castes in my state alone).
ACT IV
At last the wedding gets fixed with some compromise or the other. Then comes the huge cost involved in an arranged marriage. The bride's and groom's side competes in building up a crowd. Hence we can see old pals, school/tuition teachers, plumbers, car mechanics, newspaper boy anyone and everyone who the bride or groom's side knows. We need witnesses for once in a lifetime occurrence you see. Of course jewels, silk saris and 'n' number of food varieties are there in the list by default.
The compromises too are not reached without a reason. The colour and looks of the bride determine the dowry rate (let's not be so naive...it’s called kanyadhaan. The fair and slim girl conditions can be compromised if a few bucks are passed.
ACT V
Post all the drama and tamasha slowly the truth starts sinking in for the boy and the girl. The boy thinks his wife is extremely beautiful, caring and would bear him kids who would win Derek O’Brian quiz contests. But she may turn out to be someone who hates a guy who has parents or someone who won’t get a proper sleep if she hasn't heard the sound of her hubby's credit card being swiped every day.
And the girl who was expecting this caring and sensitive husband, may realize her man is as caring as Emperor Nero and the sense part...well, he may be someone whose idea of a fashion icon is Govinda and the only sport he plays is throwing pop-corn into his mouth as he watches IPL, ICL, India Vs Holland, Ranji trophy and any cricket match played on the television.
Final ACT
The man and woman realize there is no way to get out of this and either end up loving each other, probably sympathizing with the other’s plight, or they keep the marriage intact by remaining single deep inside their hearts.
Yes yes... accepted arranged marriages have a positive side too. It's like a huge family reunion and two unconnected families coming together...where else can we expect the guy serving sambhar or one giving you rose milk to be a distant relative who gives aptitude books a run for the money in solving the blood relations puzzle.
With all its pitfalls and drawbacks the show still goes on with the BIG Fat Indian arranged marriage.
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