November 15, 2011
Sanjana, a 10 year old girl-child in a poor family of a rural village somewhere in north India, was forced out of the house by her father following a minor mistake at home. She was a fine girl, always kind, loving and mostly obedient. It was the first time in her life that she spoke a word against her father whom she loved. When her father was in the wrong, she had the courage and character at the age of ten to confront him.
She left home with the innocence and ignorance that characterized her age. She could never accept this other side of her father’s behavior. She wasn’t allowed to take anything from home, but she managed a living, earning a few rupees per day. She grew emotionally strong and gave no opportunity to anyone to deceive or to abuse her until one day she met her father, after four years. Now this man had repented and wanted his daughter back. Sanjana broke into tears; the mask of a strong-hearted woman had vanished. She hugged her father, who was also in tears partly with shame, with the same innocence of the age of ten.
In this incident, Sanjana was denied her childhood and was forced to believe that she was a grown-up woman; she was forced to work and earn her livelihood. She had neither friends, nor well-wishers; she had to live her life all by herself. Imagine a girl-child at the age of ten begging food, going from pillar to post looking for a job. Imagine the wild eyes of taskmasters harassing and abusing her. Imagine the woes and worries of that little girl who was denied of her playful years and was forced to be a responsible woman very early in life. Imagine an innocent child, with the fear of a cruel society, trying to put on a bold face…
She lived her life anyhow. But does this mean she gave up her childhood? Did she lose her childhood? No, it was hidden. Each human being has the need to live their childhood fully. The unfulfilled need in Sanjana was concealed behind her brave face. It was forced to be unseen. It could not be there for long. As soon she met her kind (but once cruel) father, her mask gave way and that was her real self- not a woman but a child. That’s the innocence of a child, the generosity to forgive her father.
Today, we expect too much from our children. Many of us would expect them to behave as we want. We want them to do well in their studies, to score ranks, to choose a career of our choice…the list goes on and on. But do we show the generosity of accepting them as they are? Do we have time to think about their expectations of us? We provide them with everything, but do they have freedom? Are they free enough to express their feelings and emotions? Children are sensitive. They need to be handled with care. If their minds are broken at an early stage, it would be almost an impossible task to bind it in the future. So stop expecting too much from your children and start accepting them as they are.
Under the weight of expectations, children suffer. If they fail to measure up to it, they are taken up by inferiority. The fear of their parents doubled by the difficulty to study makes them to take fatal decisions. Many of our children are unsure of their life. They are not allowed to live their present, and so they are not in a position to believe that they are the architects of their own future. It’s not surprising that a child or a youth takes to drugs or other such habits just because of poor parenting. We must know that our children are not machines. Nothing can compare to the young and innocent minds of our children. They are sensitive as flowers; don’t damage or harden them.
It is said: “The child is the father of the man”. The hidden meaning of this epigrammatic expression reveals that the childhood is the foundation of life. Childhood becomes the guiding force of entire life. It is not a mystery that 90% of the person’s character is built in the first 8 years of life. Do you want your children to grow into persons of character in the future? Do you want your children to shine in the world, brimming with self-esteem? It all depends on how they live their present. Allow them to make the most of it. Don’t be a stumbling block on their way. Don’t put unnecessary and irrelevant regulations and obstacles. Let them grow creatively and constructively. After all, they have to live their own life.
There are children who spend their childhood days in hard physical labour. They are employed in dangerous works of fireworks, glass industry etc. The time which should have been spent in the schools, is spent in hard physical labour. The energy which should have been utilized to gain knowledge is used to earn a living. We have laws against child-labour but sadly it isn’t under control. It is a sorry state that the hopes of tomorrow are crushed by the manacles of poverty. They would like to play, to enjoy and to be loved as everyone else. But they simply cannot. Think of a child, below fourteen, the eldest of five orphan children. Think of a minor who has to work to take care of the ailing mother because the father is a drunkard. There are hundreds of such children in India. Perhaps such children live next to us. We deny our responsibility, saying: “It’s their fate”.
No, it isn’t their fate. It’s the necessity of poverty, it’s the negligence of you and me; it’s the failure of the government that has left the young buds gloom before they can bloom. But deep within them there’s a child, crying for attention.
Are we listening?
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