Ingredients of Marriage

January 6, 2012

There are husbands who behave as CID at home, keeping watch on each and everything that their wives do, while they themselves may be disloyal. The main ingredient of marriage is trust. A wife needs respect more than anything else. When she is not respected, loved, taken care of and sidelined in the family there starts the hatred. Planning is the best thing by which fights can be minimized. Both the members have to have control on their minds and not blame each other. This will be better for their and their children’s future.

The important factor is that, if man is the superpower, he should make his woman happy in all ways, and also respect her, not treat her like a slave. Women are emotional, sensitive and lovable. Pure lack of understanding and the absence of sacrificing attitude together have caused many marriages to break. When money becomes more important in any relationship the basic foundation of love and marriage is lost. Many marriages fail due to the fact that couples today have failed to understand the true spirit of marriage. Sacrifice is what makes a perfect relationship.

Relationships fail when both husband and wife make demands and are not ready to come to terms with each other's strengths and weaknesses. Self-centeredness and assertion of the personal views do go a long way in developing problems in couple’s life.

With the society judging you in terms of wealth, achievements and calibres add to the misunderstandings between the couple. One can understand parting due to sex deficiency because sex is part of married life, but parting just because of lack of money without justifying the reason is foolishness. One can understand when fights erupt if the spouse has enough money but does not spend it on family, but when the earnings are not enough one should learn to live with it. There are many who spend more than their earnings by borrowing and invite problems. Extra marital relations lead to fights, and mobile phones only add to the agony.

In a civilized society the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of God, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage is the realization of tranquility and compassion between the spouses. A marriage must be hence approached with utmost seriousness, entered into with the purest intent, and cultivated religiously. If woman has domestic responsibilities then she should not have financial obligation and the economical responsibility should be on the shoulders of the man. Human relations are strange. Today there is love and affection and tomorrow there is hate. In the end, what counts is how couples behave and the reason they get married. Is it for love, money or for something else, like property, status, etc. When what they expect is not sufficient enough or not available then there are problems and ultimately adverse consequences.

If there is true love between the spouses, all problems can be solved all problems amicably. The most important thing in married life is to live with content and trust each other. "Peer Pressure" is also a contributor to the fight. We are constantly compared and measured and have lost the ability to just live well. I guess we lack the ability to appreciate good things; we still have the colonial attitude of being ranked and never appreciate anyone for simply trying. We should shed this attitude and go back to living with the basics, and throw arguments and fights out of the house. 

As they say, "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."

By Johnson Coutinho, Mumbai
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Comment on this article

  • Nelson, shirva

    Wed, Jan 18 2012

    Hi Johnson(Veera), Very nice article, I like it. Keep it up Bro, Keep writing.

  • L N Rego, Bendur

    Tue, Jan 17 2012

    Nice article, nicely penned straight to the point but reasoning mostly the men folks for the loss of peace and unity in the home is a questionable point. This has become a fashion, accusing the men folks during the Homily(In the church),while writing Articles and in the speeches that men are the prime reason for most of the disasters take place in a home. No doubt Man is the Head of the family, even wife has her role to play with equal responsibility. In the modern world mostly women get attracted towards the fantasies of the world. Social networking, Mobile and computers give access to the outer world and easily they get trapped. I know many such cases exclusively by women for sexual enjoyment, filthy lifestyle and instant pleasure they get attracted towards other man. Where remains the integrity, trust and sanctity of the holy wedlock at this point?



  • NAVEEN COUTINHO , PALIMAR / BAHRAIN

    Tue, Jan 17 2012

    Congrats Johnson,nice article. Keep it up

  • Shalini Quadros, Udyavara

    Sat, Jan 14 2012

    Good article ....... Keep writing..All The best.

  • steffi crasta , mukamar

    Fri, Jan 13 2012

    thats nice to read such an nice article of yours on this website....well done mama.....hope to have more articles of yours to be read ....good luck ...!!!

  • L.Fernandes, goa/mumbai

    Thu, Jan 12 2012

    Most of the commentators just judged the article,without giving any thought to implement it in their day to day life living together,their shortcomings and reasoning out to stay as a family, as we are all eogist when it comes to our personal life,saying I am the best,just like the readers complemented the writings as BEST ARTICLE....and to keep on writing.

  • veena dsouza, mlore/kuwait

    Thu, Jan 12 2012

    CONGRATULATIONS JOHNSON FOR THE ARTICLE very well written, actually for a success of marriage no one is slave in this generation both are equal as long as both have equal understanding, no comparison with others life, trust and repect to each others enough to have a married life is really joyful one but it is very difficult to get along all the things together then the problem comes but mostly christian marriages are not easily breaking down who has deep down god fear and patience.... it is very important to know the marriages values and accept your partner how they r as it is no complaints accept its your cross of life to live forever!!!!!!

  • Jacintha, Pangla/London

    Tue, Jan 10 2012

    Dear Johnson,

    Nice article indeed!! I beg to disagree that most marriages can be sorted out of their problems so simply. Most of the time marriage is between two complete strangers.

    With time each discovers the strengths, weakness and personality of the other. It takes almost a good lifetime with the burdens of survival, raising children , balancing work/life and trying one's best to make each other happy.

    Easier said than done!! Most marriages are far from ideal and some very painful. The only positive and happiness are the 'children' from these marriages ..............the one and only reason to marry. To continue the lineage as God meant it to be. .....the rest is a difficult journey through life.

  • sunita d'costa, mumbai

    Tue, Jan 10 2012

    awesome article... it's so true.. i liked it johnson...

  • Kurt Waschnig, Oldenburg Germany

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    Very interesting to read. Almost every second marriage is divorced in Germany and the situation is getting from bad to worse.
    But the same can be seen in other developed countries whether in Europe or in the USA.
    To fall in love, facing a wonderful and romantic time and to be sure this is the person I would like to marry.
    Weddings are special events and the couples are convinced their love will last forever, they are sure to be able to share, to trust to rely on each other.
    After some years everyday life is stronger than their love.
    Couples get disappointed, especially when a couple do not share some hobbies or interests.
    Furthermore financial problems create immense problems in marriages, especially since 2008 when the financial meltdown started and million of employees lost their jobs and got unemployed and had to live on unemployment benefits.
    The standard of living of families decreased, wishes could not be fulfilled, arguments and hatred prevailed over love and trust.
    Nowadays is it easier for women to get divorced because most of young married women in Germany work and earn their own livelihood therefore they are not longer dependent on their husbands.
    Many young couples live together without being married to figure out if their relationship works in reality.
    This is a very good way.
    But always when a couple plans to have a child is it in the interest of the child that the parents are married.


    Best regards



    Kurt Waschnig Oldenburg Germany


    e-mail: oldenburg1952@yahoo.de

  • Ingredients of Marriage, Chikmagalur/USA

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    Beautifully written Johnston. I have already forwarded this article to our youngsters in the family. Hats off! Keep writing....
    Jessie

  • lavina, mlore/dubai

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    good one sir,
    Thank you so much for making us to understand more about life.

  • Carrmine Ireene, Mumbai

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    I dont agree to the world Gulam here, both are equal partners and are responsible to give happiness, joy, love and care to the other and also share the down side of life with equal trust & faith. Love and respect for each other should never be lost and affection will tide over all the waves

  • Irine Pinto, Dubai

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    Dear Johnsy,

    Very Good Article. True facts of life expressed in very nice way.. Keep writing more and more. Congrats and best of luck......

  • Dr S kamath , Mumbai

    Sun, Jan 08 2012

    I agree with wakeupJohnny, Mangalore.Marriage can be Happy and blissful if and only if Husband Bends to GOD during all Problems of Life .The Probelms of Life ,and work-office related problems makes men lead to tension and hence anger.So First Pray God and then he should LOVE his wife and children .Any way Your article is good .It would have been better or best if you have added GOD as most Important ingredient of successful marriage

  • Dr Kusuma Kumari G MBBS DGO DNB , Nellore/Kundapura

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Very true,,, it should love and nothing else that would make a marriage stay I unfornately hear lot of marriage sbeing brokaen on the basis of suspicion and money Thats sad

  • Shobha, Udupi

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Very good article....

  • satish, kundapur

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Nice article by Johnson Coutinho,all the best for future...

  • SUDHIR MANGALORE, MANGALORE

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    YES I AGREE WITH JOHNSON

  • Jessy, Jeddah

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Very good article, keep it up Johnson !

  • James, Palimar/Marol, Mumbai

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Very good Article Johnson. Keep it up writing.

  • Dainy Coutinho-Deo Gratias, Palimar

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Oh! My brother Johnson what you wrote is exactly right. Always share your good thoughts to daijiworld readers. Nice one to read.

  • deltaelectricals, Palimar/Mumbai

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Excellent Johnson !!!! Nice personality and nice article, Keep writing.......

  • ALWYN DANTHY, PERNAL/shirva

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Nice n relevent article johnson bhai.u focoused the present story of weddings.keep on writing......

  • Sunil D'Almeida, Palimar

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Dear Johnson,

    Very good article, nice to see you in Daijiworld. Keep it up: Sunil, Carol, Aditya & Aman-Matti, Palimar

  • Jimmy Noronha, Bellore, Lucknow

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    I like this article as it has a strong undercurrent that runs through the article with main ingredients that are required to make a happy married life.

  • Johnson Coutinho Mumbai, Palimar/Mumbai

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    I'm extremely grateful for every comments I get to my article. Each comment makes me happy. Every "like" makes me giddy. When someone shares my posts via social network, it makes me smile. I am thankful for each and every one of you and honored that you've chosen to spend your precious time reading what I've written. Once again thank you and wish you all a happy married life !!!!

  • Amin Bhoja, Patte- Riyadh

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    A good article to read.Yes marriage is a delicate bond between the two.Trust of coure count everything in a married life,it is good or bad and rich or poor,a well understanding from both will help, to run the life smoothly.It is not only husband to blame ,it is equally wife also.Trust and responsible both are two wheels of this vehicle,for a smooth ride what we expect always .

  • Alwyn (vali), palimar

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    very good johnsa, good start keep it up-,keep writing.

  • Roshan Coutinho, Palimar / Dubai

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Congrats Johnson.....good article, keep writing.

  • Johnson Coutinho Mumbai, Palimar/Mumbai

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Wake up Johny, I respect your comment. Please note this is my first article and journey to a 1000 miles begins with a small step.

  • Lancelot D' Costa, Mangalore/Abu Dhabi

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    Nice article... a good read. Keep writing Johnson !!

  • wakeupJohnny, Mangalore

    Sat, Jan 07 2012

    The problem is today life is expensive - petrol is increasing per litre, milk increased by 3Rs, gas cylinder price is high and some people think marriage means only husband should work and wife should demand luxury items! Think about it!
    Another thing is your article is ok, but not well structured - are you worried or facing similar sutuation? Only way is Trust in God, life on earth is just temporary life.

  • Diana D'silva, Mukamar

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Good article Johnson.

  • Ajith, Mangalore

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    For a happy marriage either the husband should be gulam of wife or vise versa.If both claim supremacy then the marriage is doomed.IF one can overcome emotion then he can control the other.In a materialistic world it is not reasonable to expect a perfect marriage.It all depends on the family background and the ways the couples are brought up.

  • A. S. Mathew, U.S.A.

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Very good article showing the real
    picture of marriage and the
    practical medications to solve the
    discord-friction disorders of
    married life. Selfishness
    in money-sex-time-etc and the spirit of arrogance and domineering on the other hand can undermine any
    marriage. Above all submission to
    God is very important. Many age
    old traditions attached to marriage must be wiped off
    from the society once for all.

  • Julie, Mangalore/doha

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    A very good article. Yes "When money and property becomes more important in any relationship the basic foundation of love and marriage is lost". Keep it up. All the Best and keep writing more.

  • R.Lewis, Mangalore/Bahrain

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Very good article dear Johnson, keep it up..God bless...

  • ad, mangloor

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Mutual relationsship is a TWO WAY STREET. Love is purely behavioural emotion because love can become hate and vice versa.

  • Robert Lewis, Brahmavar/Bahrain

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Mr.Jonson, it is a very good article, keep it up writing. All the best..

  • Robert Lewis, Brahmavar/Bahrain

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Mr.Jonson, it is a very good article, keep it up writing. All the best..

  • Cony, Pernal / Doha

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Good article Mr. Johnson, all the best.

  • johnson d,souza, saudi

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    very good article keep it up keeping writting

  • Edison, Palimar/Kuwait

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Good 1 Johnson bai... keep it up...

  • albert d''''souza, venur/kwt

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    very good articl. keep it up JOHNSON
    .all the best........

  • monteiro,middle east/mangalore,

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Very good article johanson dattu.

  • veera coutinho, Shirva

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    It is very good time to read this article.I wish you very best future....

  • George Palimar, Palimar

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    very good article my brother.Keep it up Johnson.Congrats.Keep writing.All the best for your next article on Daijiworld.

  • harik coutinho, palimar

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    congrats MR JONSON.keep it up very good artical.keep writing and waiting for next artical to read.

  • ronnie, mukamar/nigeria

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Good article Johnson. Keep writing..

  • shanthi lavina, mangalore

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    very good article.

  • antony arun d'souza, Dubai

    Fri, Jan 06 2012

    Very good article.Keep it up Johnson.Congrats.Keep writing.All the best for your next article on Daijiworld.


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