June 23, 2014
In the recent past I was browsing some article and suddenly I came across an incident of tragic death of a youngster. The boy of 16 years committed suicide not able to deal with the stress of his student life. I was totally shocked, as this is the tenth case I have come across in a couple of days.
We all come across stress, depression, tension in one or other phases of our life. But definitely as a student we were only students, studying, doing some cranky things, naughty things, playing. Just common student life. But in the recent past I have seen students not doing anything other than studies. It is a competitive world; we need our kids to do well, no doubt but where will be the normal life if they study all day?
We as parents and teachers focus only on scores, grades, points. Beyond that there is nothing. Parent wants his child to go for Engineering (main stream now days) or medical, but that’s a parent’s wish. What the child really wants to do? Nobody has asked the child or rather child itself has not decided or thought of because when the child was born parent has already decided what the child is going to be.
Child grows with the same dream as that of the parent. If the child also dreams the same then well and good. But what if the child can’t visualize the dream clearly? What if the child cannot stand up to the level to achieve the dream? 65% of the students who go behind the dreams of others can’t fulfill them, because they don’t enjoy it, rather do it because someone has told them to go for it.
Once one of my students asked me, “What If I don’t stand up to my parent’s expectation?” I asked her what the problem was. Then she told me, all her cousins were engineers and worked in good companies. So her parents wanted her to do engineering. But the problem was she was not interested in Physics and Mathematics, the core subjects. She wanted to do Psychology. I assured her there's nothing wrong in doing what she wanted to do, and to convince her parents. She said they would not listen. I called up parents and told them what their daughter wanted to do. And her father replied, “She is mad, she has read some books so she thinks Psychology is something really great and she can treat mad people.” This was really shocking. And to be honest, the Gentleman is well-educated. It took three whole days for me to make them understand there is life beyond some areas and their daughter would be happy if she does what she wants to do.
There are numerous examples before us where people have excelled when they have chased their dreams, and shattered when they cannot take up what they don’t want to do. Many times students don’t even know why they are studying a particular course. They don’t even realize what their dreams are and what they are capable of. By the time they realize they will be already bound by too many commitments or they will start developing self pity.
It is a common tendency to think if the son or daughter is studying in a prestigious college he/she will get a good job and be able to lead a good life (financially) and he/she will be recognized in the society. How far is this true? The core problematic area in a peaceful life is thinking what others think of us. If son/daughter fails in an exam then people will start making faces, people will start commenting, prestige issue all this will come up. But we don’t even go that extra mile of reaching out to our kid, extending our support to the kid, helping him/her to come out of it, realizing what the problem is. If this is done by every parent then most of the children grow with a confidence of conquering the world.
Life is not only about scoring good marks and getting a god job. It is much more than that. Life is not a machine or mechanical, there are hundreds of humanitarian aspects that one has to deal with. First we need to teach the child to be a human being. Help the needy, have respect for the elders, listen more, sympathize, empathize and be realistic and have self esteem. Definitely this is a competitive world and we need to be competitive, but there should be a healthy competition. Teach the child to lose first and then win.
Life is not only about money and prestige. There is much more and it is a mystery to everyone, differing from person to person. It is better we realize what is life for our kids, let us come out of the dogma of ‘Parent is right always’. Children are much more intelligent today and they have their own ideas to share and their own vision and dreams. Let us help them to achieve what they want rather than pushing our unfulfilled dreams on them. There shall be no boundaries to life.
Let us hope for a bright future for our kids.
Comment on this article
anita britto, Mangalore /Auckland
Mon, Jun 30 2014Very beautifully written, Selma. A strong message for parents which is so relevant.Hope to read more articles from you.
vivian fernandes, dubai
Sat, Jun 28 2014Life is not only about scoring good marks and getting a god job. It is much more than that- Well said Shelma.. Nice article. This should inspire all the parents..
Austin Kiran Dsouza, Bantwal
Fri, Jun 27 2014Well written article and all the parents must read this.
Sandra D'Souza, Manipal
Thu, Jun 26 2014STUDYING IS ONLY A PART OF LIFE, NOT LIFE ITSELF.
Parents, please don't make your child to think: life is only for study. There are so many beautiful aspects of life, that every child must enjoy.HELP THEM TO TAKE DECISIONS AND DON'T FORCE YOUR DECISIONS ON THEM.Now a days because of these entrance exams and corresponding coaching for professional courses, children undergo lot of stress.Everyone wants to be doctor/ Engineer.The stage is reached where coaching looks like compulsory.
Kurt Waschnig, Oldenburg, Germany
Wed, Jun 25 2014One of the most important and exciting decisions you can make as a parent is to define success goals for your child. Choosing, communicating and pursuing clear and age-appropriate goals for your child will give them a sense of purpose that brings them the experience of mastering their world as they achieve the designated benchmarks in their lives. Your definition of success for your child must reflect your child's interests, skills and abilities and not just yours. Two possible goals to consider are socialization and authenticity. Socialization means helping your child to become a responsible citizen, learning how to work in harmony with other people and to develop intimate and trusting relationships. Authenticity is fostered when you set goals suited to your child's interests, abilities and talents. One of the great responsibilities you have as a parent — and one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children — is to teach them to develop their gifts fully to build their lives around whatever it is that fulfills them.
Best regards
Kurt Waschnig Oldenburg/Germany
email: oldenburg1952@yahoo.de
EvNS ALEX, FALNIR MANGALORE
Wed, Jun 25 2014A GOOD ARTICLE.CONGRATS.WE NEVER KNEW THAT YOU ARE A FREE LANCE JOURNALIST TOO. ALL THE BEST.
Fedrod Daril Dsouza, Kundapur/ Bangalore
Wed, Jun 25 2014Very good article. All the best
Priya Pais, Bejai/Dubai
Tue, Jun 24 2014Shelma, Great article!! Very well written. Happy to see you nurturing your talent.
Flavy Dalmeida, Dubai
Tue, Jun 24 2014Wow!!!!!!!Very good article shelma. This should inspire all the parents. Please keep on writing many more articles. Looking forward for your more articles in future GOD BLESS YOU. Lee please encourage your wife.
John DSouza, Mangalore
Tue, Jun 24 2014Dear Shelma, it is a concern to educate and prepare the children to be our future generation
Globalization and Mobile Technology has flooded the world with oceans of goods and facilities
Being the parents themselves have confused, lacking efficiency and capacity to guide their kids
Selfishness imposes the burden (of children of God, society and the environment), as their own
Failure to evaluate the efficiency and need, comparison and competition leads to depressions
Rapid growth of academics and increasing level of unemployment is a serious issue of worry
Widened gap between have and have not, evolution and revolution has created a risky society
The name, fame and success in this momentary and uncertain life has become our first priority
Perhaps the morality, fear of God, respect to elders and knowledge of life hereafter is a solution
Naik P.S., Kundapur, Muscat
Tue, Jun 24 2014I agree... an encouraging article, but to a section of the society. We have middle class and poor families who slog all their life to educate their children and expect them to complete their studies with good marks with the hope that their children will get into good Universities, good Medical / Engineering colleges, so that the prospects of getting employment are better. Now a days it is not easy to get jobs even for bright students and if children are average in studies then it is even difficult. These are all practical problems and are generally realistic.
When one has to face it then only he/she will realize. It is like "wearer knows where the shoe pinches" not others. It is easy to give lectures, but not easy to solve problems. That is the reason parents are stressed and a bit of it is passed on to children so as to make them understand the reality. In some cases children can't take these small small stresses, and unfortunately take some extreme steps. This is because of our education system gives that kind of stress not parents.
Poor and middle class parents are generally in a hurry that their children settle in their lives with good education, employment and lead a comfortable and dignified life within their middle-age. They can't see their children unemployed , unmarried at the age of 35-40 as parents are already in their old age and can't afford to take any more tensions.
Diana C, Mumbai
Tue, Jun 24 2014Very inspiring article. Useful for kids as well as parents.
Juliana Pinto, Mangalore
Tue, Jun 24 2014Very good article shelma. This should inspire all the parents. Keep on writing many more articles. All the best....
Lance D' Costa, Mangalore / Abu Dhabi
Tue, Jun 24 2014Well written article Shelma...keep sharing your experiences.
RITA, Germany
Tue, Jun 24 2014what a Topic!very good described.As you said almost every parent wants their child study and go a "honourable"job and make good Money,better than Family.But they Forget every child is a individuell has own wishes .When all children became ingineur or doctor who will do other Job?I have known Student in Family who wants to study medicine.she has but absolutely no time to breath fresh air ,her day is filled with tutions,studying,dance study,and studys.I feel pity.some parents want that their child should do what they themselves couldnt realize like to become model,and press them to apply,go to Shows.There are also students who wants to study higher studies ,but have no means to do so.so it is both sides Story.write further such daily ways of life.
Jawar D'Souza, M'lore/Mumbai
Mon, Jun 23 2014Dear Shelma, Very well written and a good read. There are different angles of seeing things. First of all, no Parent wants their child to suffer. They always think best for their children. So I think there is no harm in giving their ideas in a way the child may understand. Children may be in a better world than the previous generations, that does not say they are intelligent. Anyway parents must only give their Ideas but not force them on their children.
Sushma Lewis , Dubai
Mon, Jun 23 2014Way to go Shell.. Proud of you...
Reshma J D'Sa, Udupi/Dubai
Mon, Jun 23 2014Well written Shelma..I felt as if i just watched "3 Idiots" movie while reading your article. I love that movie just for the concept of what you have beautifully explained here. I wish many minds enlighten reading this article. I personally feel, there is a very emotional/psychological background as to why parents force their children to do what they think to be prestigious in today's world.. one of the main reasons are- they could not do what they wanted when they were kids- just because they could not afford in those days-(poverty, or may be because they have atleast more than 4-5 siblings) and because of their living conditions they were made to believe that “Happiness only comes out of Money”, and so they think if they force their kids to take up something that is regarded prestigious, they could see their kids reaching greater heights and greater living conditions. They fear that their kids would end up suffering like them if they do not earn in BIG numbers- but that sadly leads to something tragic in a kid’s life which would never ever be forgotten. I’m sure there are exceptions to this, and there can be many other reasons too – but this one is the one I have seen in common among the majority.
R.Bhandarkar, M'lore
Mon, Jun 23 2014Excellent Shelma. Times indeed have changed and so should be the thought process of the parents. If kids excel in some field of their liking ,they should be encouraged . There's ample scope and many vistas to excel nowadays professionally. You took me back in time when relatives of mine used to say I was out of my mind to pursue something they thought was absurd. I never gave up but. A must read for parents and ...Yes! follow your passion!
Russell D'mello , Puisnagar,Dubai
Mon, Jun 23 2014Great goin Shelma...never knew that ur gud in this,beautifully written... best of luck for ur future..