March 22, 2007

Arun entered the Kurla Railway station. As usual, the area was crowded with the office-going commuters of Mumbai’s peak morning hour.

He prepared himself to hop into the moving train. The chances of occupying a seat were higher for the rapid-movers. The escapade had its own thrill. The upshot was uncomplicated. The winners would park themselves on the seats. The losers were bound to keep standing and travel.

It was not his day. His attempt to occupy a seat turned futile. Hundreds of commuters had forced themselves in. He had lost the opportunity and naturally he experienced the disappointment.

In Arun’s case, he had the tendency to go over the top on his failures. He hated it every time that he was over-powered. He disliked being defeated. He stood under the fan and hoped someone nearby would vacate a seat at the next stop.

Heat and suffocation bothered him. Arun looked up at the fan. The blades were not in motion. But the switch was on. He pulled out the plastic comb from his pocket and forcibly tried to turn the blades. The blades now started rotating and the fan began to function. He felt a lot better beneath the breeze.

The next stop was Dadar. He managed to grab a just-vacated seat. The journey from Dadar to Parel came to a halt while the train waited for the green signal. Arun’s mind slipped into the pages of his personal life.

He was born and brought up in Mangalore, a city in Karnataka. His life in Mumbai had begun just about eighteen months back. For the past one year he was contentedly working in a reputable shipping company. The pay-cheque was comfortable. He lived in Kurla in a rental studio flat. He had no grievances about his job and house. 

Arun’s father had passed away and his mother had not shown any inclination to come over to a crammed city like Mumbai. A weekly telephonic call had become part of the routine. He had already made two visits to his birth-place in the past year and a half. His mother was occupied with managing the ancestral flower shop.

There was no cause for distress in his professional existence. Was he on cloud nine? Conceivably it failed to reflect in his behaviour. He felt awfully lonely in a buzzing city.  Hustle and bustle was city’s common factor.

Busy streets, jam-packed trains and high voltage activity in the office had their impact on his psyche, with life being involuntarily hectic and tiring. He longed to talk to someone once back from the office. He wished there was some affectionate human interaction with someone he could trust. He yearned for companionship.

Was he making an attempt to incorporate the lost track back in his existence?

There was someone endearingly close who still existed.  He could readily recall Reshma. Arun’s thoughts drew him closer to the times of yore.

Those were the days. Arun lived with his mother in Urva, a locality in Mangalore and had moved to degree classes after an excellent performance in pre-university examination. The growing phase of his life coincided with the arrival of a new neighbour.

The newly built villa in the adjacent plot had been bought by Dilip Shenoy.  His mother Parvati, a retired teacher, her daughter-in-law Roopa and grandson Ravi began their life there. Dilip Shenoy was employed in Saudi Arabia, hence most of the time he was away. He would visit Mangalore only once a year.

Arun's initial dealing with the new neighbours was set in motion by extending small favours such as paying electricity and telephone bills. But the interaction expanded to a larger scale when Arun began helping Ravi in his home-work. Subsequently Arun’s role substantially increased in their life as he would often take Ravi to the clinic or even provide a helping hand in the supply of grocery. They treated him like a member of the house.

Reshma was Roopa’s sister. She had shifted to Parvati’s house from the outskirts of Mangalore as soon as she passed SSLC. Reshma’s admission into a nearest women's college ushered in a wind of change in Arun’s life. He was attracted by sheer force of magnetism. The initial attraction developed into irresistible fascination. Reshma was his first and only love.

He would pop into Parvati’s house almost every evening soon after returning from classes, a routine which appeared repetitive but the yearning was exhilarating. He visited their house on the pretext of having fun-time with Ravi. Arun was amazingly brilliant in Mathematics. But that was Reshma’s weak subject. Arun showed admirable willingness in providing free tuition to Reshma. The proximity intensified his obsession.

The motivation to communicate his love stayed alive in his heart. The tongue and the lips failed to liberate the sentiments.  He was smitten by a desire to hold Reshma close. He longed for the warmth which just stood behind the reverie.

He had his reasons for the indecision and the hesitation to open out.

Parvati’s had placed her absolute trust in him. Arun did not wish to ruin that bond of trust which mattered most to him. He was their most reliable neighbour and he preserved that reputation intact. Arun was extremely fond of coffee and Reshma’s sister Roopa always prepared exceptionally tasty coffee.

Arun smacked his lips as the train gained the slow movement, but gathered speed after crossing Parel station.

During his evening visits Roopa would keep the coffee ready for him in addition to mouth-watering snacks. She would not only enjoy in preparing south Indian delicacies, especially ones like Idli, Vada, Dosa and Upma, but derived also pleasure in offering a plateful to Arun.

Roopa’s preferred entertainment was Hindi movies. Salman Khan was her favourite. She would make Arun and Reshma to accompany her, offering the excuse of visiting the clinic and return after the matinee show. The truth was kept away from her mother-in-law.
 
A couple of times he escorted Roopa to the blockbusters without Reshma’s company, when she wente to be with her parents at weekends.

Reshma did accompany them to the movies, but in fact she was devoid of any eagerness. She was of very religious kind and had shown exemplary attitude towards social work. She had become the member of a charitable group who liberated the children from child labour. She was quite different for her age, an epitome of supreme values.

Arun did not have a penchant for movies. But he had obliged Roopa just to please her with the hope that someday she would co-operate in pursuing Reshma’s alliance. At this hour he did not have the cerebral strength to make a proposal. He wanted to gain ground in life first by completing his studies and thereafter earning a sound job. At times he had sensed the delay could be perilous. A good proposal from a suitable boy's could see her married off and he would be the loser.

This fear bothered him from all directions.

He could lose her by not conveying his love in time. He could perhaps still lose her if the love was communicated and but if rejected by her. The possibilities were many. After all he was a simple flower vendor’s son.  Reshma’s father had a hardware shop and financially they commanded a higher status.

He mingled with Reshma with absolute care and affection. But there was another hitch. His interactions with the neighbours would grind to a halt for a month's time every year during Dilip Shenoy’s vacation. Arun did not know the reason, but Dilip had kept him away. He was hated by Dilip and Arun had vouched to win his friendship somehow. The news of Dilip’s arrival from Saudi Arabia would begin his acid test. He suffered without knowing the cause.

Dilip had refused to greet him whenever he made his way to their door-step. Frosty expressions on Dilip’s face had embarrassed him. Even Ravi was kept away. Obviously he was unwanted. Arun had no choice but swallow the bitter truth.

He had tried to rationalize the situation. But Dilip gave no room for compassion. ‘Was he trying to ignore Arun because of his lower economic and social status? Or was he striving to shield his sister-in-law from Arun’s targeted aim?’

Gradually Arun learnt to maintain a distance from Parvati’s house during those thirty days of Dilip’s vacation every year. Once Dilip was off and reverted to the Gulf, Arun would get close to his endearing neighbour. His relationship with Parvati, Roopa, Reshma and Ravi would get back to normal path. He was even would be offered gifts which were bought from the Gulf, such as perfume, chocolates, shaving blades and T-shirts.

His fixation for Reshma continued and he could not comprehend if Reshma had similar feelings towards him. They lightheartedly spent time together as free tuition was given and went to movies together. But what Reshma thought about him lingered in ambiguity.

Finally he came to the conclusion of seeking Roopa’s help on his future with Reshma. Before he could converse, Arun was left high and dry. Reshma had unexpectedly left the scene. She was given an assignment to work in New Delhi by a charitable group who also supported her with funds to continue her education. A handshake was given and she disappeared. He was given no chance to express his feelings.

This inconsolable situation left him heart-broken. The dreams plummeted flat on his face.  He was the real loser. Before he could recover from the dejection, a series of events occurred on which he had no control.

Parvati breathed her last. As soon as she passed away Dilip Shenoy left Saudi Arabia and came back to India for good. He sold his house in Mangalore and shifted with his family to Mumbai.

Arun was detached from his only love and he lost the hope of a reunion with Reshma. He knew he was the loser and made a serious attempt to disregard the times of yore. He succeeded in getting more focused on studies. He completed his graduation and came to Mumbai in search of a job. 

It took him six months to secure a well-paying job and now, as a year passed, he had become financially self-reliant. He contemplated marriage and settling down in life. His mother had suggested some alliances. When the process was on, Arun met, out of the blues, one of Dilip Shenoy’s distant relatives at Mumbai VT station. It happened about a month back.

The relative conveyed the news of Dilip Shenoy’s flourishing restaurant business at Goregaon. But the most pleasant revelation was related to Reshma. She had completed her graduation and was no longer with the charitable group in New Delhi. She was still single, living with her sister in Mumbai and had taken up job with a multinational located in Worli.  All he had was Dilip Shenoy’s residence number. Arun gladly wrote it down.

Here had come about a break to turn the tables. This was an opportunity to become a winner from a loser. If Reshma has not committed to someone she could still be his. Given a chance, he was mentally prepared for a quick-fix wedding.

The train rasped to a halt at VT railway station. He stepped out. The office was not very far.

He was already affectionately known to Roopa and her son Ravi. Arun always had the wish to meet them. If he had not made any attempts to find their whereabouts he had his reasons. The prime cause for his reluctance was Dilip Shenoy. He had undergone enough of apathy and had developed kind of an aversion for him. But now would his attempts to see Reshma create some more ugly encounters?

But he was prepared for it for Reshma’s sake. Dilip could be difficult to tackle. Arun was left with no choice. Perseverance would hold the key in winning Reshma’s consent.

What could be the reason for Dilip’s unfair attitude? Was he aware of his predilection towards Reshma? Envy could have been the supplementary factor. But in Dilip's case, what was the loss?

At times, he strongly felt his preconceived notions on Dilip could be wrong. His views were based on his past tension with Dilip. Time brings transformation into most difficult characters and Dilip could be no exception. Arun phoned up Dilip’s residence about twenty days back with the expectation of acceptance.

Arun stepped into the office building and entered the lift. His office was on the second floor. Once at the desk he consumed the first cup of tea in the office. He hoped by 11:00 he could clear the pending job and then make one fresh attempt to get in touch with Reshma or Roopa. Time was running out and he had become desperate.

When twenty days back he had called Dilip had lifted the receiver. Arun had notified his identity and had made the efforts for an affable talk.  But Dilip’s response was impolite.

“I am busy. Let us catch up sometime next.”  Dilip had banged the receiver.

He tried again after a couple of days. A child had picked up the phone, perhaps he was Ravi. The boy’s memory had elapsed as he failed to recollect Arun’s name. “Wait a minute, I will call my Mom.” But nobody came on. He had waited for long and then disconnected the line.

A couple of weeks back when he called, a lady had picked up the line. She was Dilip’s wife Roopa.

“Hi. Is it Roopa? Do you remember me? I used to be your neighbour in Mangalore.” His voice was choked with joy. “I am Arun. Hello…”

“Sorry I cannot talk to you.” Roopa’s hardhearted reply stunned him. “I sleep during the afternoon.”

Did Roopa forget the past? What happened to her sisterly affection? How about the south Indian delicacies, Hindi movies, domestic help and coaching to Ravi? Now it appeared irrelevant for Roopa. Was she trying to create a distance and protect Reshma?

“Could I have your address? How is Reshma?” He hurriedly wanted to quiz her.

She did not give him the chance. The line was disconnected.

He was baffled by her reaction. How could Roopa do this for him?  He was used to Dilip’s aversion. But now he was cleanly and clearly hurt by Roopa’s repugnance towards him. How could she do it? It sounded strange and unfamiliar.

When they had become his neighbours except for Dilip, his heart was stirred by the love and affection shown by the rest of family members. He reciprocated and turned out to be their helping hand. During the course of life past had become extraneous.

His last and final hope was Reshma. If he could manage to reach her, the rest would be sorted out.  She was his final hope in a hopeless situation. He had called their number a few more times with the chance and expectation of listening to Reshma’s voice. The luck was not on his side and he was forced to cut off as Reshma never came on, not even once.

His endurance was tested and he was emphatically disturbed. He hated to live with a loser’s tag in his mind. Hence he decided once again to have a heart-to-heart dialogue with Roopa. She could be still his best bet to get hold of Reshma. He expected Dilip to go to his restaurant by noon. He rehearsed the intended conversation and then pressed her number.

The phone was ringing. He waited nervously until it clicked open. Roopa came on.

“I am Arun.” He tensely uttered. “Please forgive me if I bothered you. I want to discuss a very urgent matter.”

“Why do you keep on calling here?” Roopa retorted with frustrated tone. “I have psychologically suffered enough by falling in love with you during our days in Mangalore. I do not want to sink into the temptation all over again. I have overcome once with great struggle. It could be very hard next time. All connected may end up as losers.  Please stay away.”

Arun was thunderstruck and dumbfounded. He remained speechless.

She slammed the receiver.