Florine Roche
Daijiworld Media Network - Mangaluru

Mangaluru, Dec 25: These days we see a trend wherein relationships are termed as ‘difficult’ and marriage is also viewed as a 'lifelong problem'. With the changing attitude of people towards relationships, marriage as an institution has undergone drastic changes over the past few decades in our country. Amidst instances wherein marriages don’t even last a few hours leave alone a few days, we find a couple who lived as husband and wife for an incredible 76 years and is still going strong.

The couple who achieved this rare feat is Joseph Pais (98) born on May 13, 1919 and Cossess Pais (92) born on March 5, 1925. The couple who belong to the Sacred Heart of Jesus Church in Madanthyar took marriage vows to live as husband and wife on May 20, 1941. The couple who might not have understood the seriousness of their vows due to their young age, has adhered to that promise even after 76 years of a long marital journey with its own ups and downs. In fact, they are recognized as the oldest living couple in that parish.

Life wasn’t rosy for the couple and the family living in the rural area of Madanthyar where the only source of livelihood was from agricultural activity. The couple went through lot of struggle to bring up their 13 children - 7 girls and 6 boys and there were a few instances where the couple and sometimes even the children had to go to sleep on an empty stomach. Once of the daughters of the couple died at a young age and the last daughter has become a nun. The remaining 5 daughters are married off and are settled in different parts of Mangalore. Among the boys most of them live in Madanthyar in nearby places of their parent’s home except for one son who is in Mumbai.

The couple is quite healthy despite their advancing age except for a few age-related health issues and they are able to do their own chores. Cossess is also quite active and even goes to church, though not regularly, because of the distance. They live in Madanthyar with their son Dennis (60) and his family. The couple has 64 grandchildren and 46 great grandchildren and the huge family celebrated their platinum wedding anniversary in 2015. All the 12 children of the couple and most of the grandchildren and great grandchildren were part of the grand platinum wedding jubilee celebrations. The platinum jubilee celebration was held at their residence and jubilee mass was celebrated by 10 priests.

The 25th anniversaries of the couple’s second son and the last daughter’s service as a nun were celebrated on the same occasion, making it an important and impressive family celebration. Among the couple’s 64 grand children six have become nuns and priests of different congregations and there is every possibility that some great grandchildren might also follow in their footsteps.

Dennis, with whom the elderly couple live in Madanthyar recalls “I could study only up to 7th standard because of the then prevailing family conditions. There was lot of poverty and the only source of income was from the beetle leaf crop and some paddy we used to grow. I remember I used to accompany my parents to the markets in Madanthyar and even to markets as far as Belthangady and Moodbidri. Most of the time we used to go walking covering long distances to reach the market and if we were lucky sometimes we used to get a lorry."

Cherishing each other's company

Theirs was a normal wedding and as expected of those days both of had probably not seen one another. They both belonged to the same parish and the matrimonial alliance was arranged by her maternal uncle. Cossess was just 15 when she came to her new home as a young bride to live with Joseph whom she had not seen from close quarters before marriage even though they belonged to the same parish. But that did not pose any problems to the young couple to give a rocking start to their long journey together as husband and wife. Cossess is able to recollect some interesting aspects of her younger days as a young bride. She says, "My mother-in-law was not very considerate and it wasn’t easy initially as I was just 15 at the time of marriage. My mother-in-law insisted I return the same evening if I go to my mother’s house."

There are many interesting aspects about this couple’s long voyage as husband and wife. It is said that Joseph always wants his dear wife around him and gets upset if she goes out or is out of sight. One of the granddaughters of the couple Saumiya says “if my grandpa cannot see my grandma around or hear her voice he keeps calling and searches for her. Two years back my grandma had gone to her daughter’s house during her grandchild’s wedding in Bantwal. Grandpa got so restless that he hired an auto the next day and went there to bring her back. He is quite fond of her though he may not express it in the way most of us do these days. But as they say, actions speak louder than words. We the family members have been a witness to the close bond they share and the respect they have for each other."

David recalls that during his younger days Joseph was fond of hunting and he even possessed a country pistol. He also loved fishing may be because it served the other purpose of feeding the large brood. David also points out that even now Joseph expects his wife to be present before him as soon as he calls her or else he gets agitated. “My parents have their own share of fights, bickering or altercations which were short lived. Father gets very annoyed if my mother or we don’t respond or attend to him immediately. He is also very fond of traditional curries and keeps grumbling if the curry is not up to his taste or to his expectations. He has some preferred tastes," David.

Joseph spends his time reading newspapers, periodicals or watching television. Cusses are busy attending to her husband’s needs, watching television and she also helps in the kitchen. She is also fond of telling stories to her great grandchildren and sometimes narrates the events of their early marital life. They are also fond of spending time in each other’s company.

Today’s learned people say that balancing between negativity and positivity is the key dynamics to what is called as the emotional environment of a successful marriage. Both Joseph and Cusses have been following their own dynamics for a successful and long marital journey without strictly adhering to the above cited adjectives. They may not have a readymade recipe for a long and blissful wedded life. But the life they lived itself is a recipe.