By Dr Krithishree Somanna

Mar 17: Every parent wants the best out of their child. It's natural for the parents to have expectations from them. Because they want them to be successful, lead a comfortable life even when they are not around. Although the expectations are with good intentions, sometimes things go out of hand when the parents are not able to handle the stress and place unreasonable stress which would transform into Mental health issues in Students. They can have negative effects like seeking validation, low self esteem and insecurities. 

So, where does this parental pressure come from? 

Most of the time it's the love and concern that parents have towards their kids. They want their child to have those opportunities, what they missed in their life, what they feel is important as life skills in their experience which is beyond the limits of academics. Sometimes it might also be from the guilt of the social issues like single parent, financial problems, interpersonal issues at home. Sometimes it may be the parental frustration caused by the upheavals of life which gets projected on the children in a bitter way by criticizing, shaming and in a hurtful manner. 

Some of the mental health consequences of Parental pressure.

• Depression: Listening to the constant negative criticism from their parents during the growing up age may develop cognitive distortions like mislabeling self, overgeneralization, magnification, should statements. This may also lead to negative self-talk like ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I’m useless’, ‘I’m a failure’, ‘I’m not gonna succeed’ and so on.
• Anxiety : Performance anxiety in particular. Students being pushed by their parents to learn fast, to answer fast, to write fast unconsciously develop a pathological hurriedness, which can precipitate into panic attacks even with minimal triggers or sometimes with no external triggers. 

The key is to find the balance where a parent is backing up the child constantly, motivating them and guiding them in the right direction in the right way. Some of the strategies to encourage in a healthy manner are:

• Identify the efforts: Do not jump into conclusions with the marks or the grades obtained. It's not always the achievements but the hard work put behind it. Praise them when they do well. This can build their confidence and overcome their challenges.
• Avoid personal remarks: When frustrated the negative comments may get too personal about their appearance. Instead focus the comments on humanity, kindness, being compassionate and having that gratitude.
• Do not micromanage: Give them the opportunity to choose, let them solve their problems with peers, help them to come up with a plan and understand their strengths and weaknesses.
• Validate their feelings: Create that safe space to make them feel comfortable to communicate their worries and tension without being judged. Any change in their emotional valencies acknowledge and help them to mitigate with positive support.
• Encourage healthy studying habits: Promote regular studying rather than last minute cramming. Collaborate with teachers to support them during the exams.
• Be aware of the possible mental health issues: Parents should have an understanding of illnesses like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Specific learning disorder (dyslexia), Obsessive compulsive disorder, Autism Spectrum disorder, Depressive disorder, Panic disorder. Any deviant behaviour noticed needs to be evaluated by a professional. 

In conclusion, parental pressure is common but it should not get harmful. Parents should put efforts to create that positive environment where the students are empowered to grow as their best selves.

Dr Krithishree Somanna, Consultant Psychiatry, KMC Hospital Dr B R Ambedkar Circle, Mangaluru.