May 9, 2010
Infidelity, unfaithfulness or disloyalty among couples is increasing day by day. Not long ago marriage was the bedrock, the very foundation of love, respect, togetherness, selflessness, patience, forgiveness, adjustments and sacrifice. Marriage was the edifice on which family values were formed. As the joint family system disintegrated to make way for nuclear families, there has been a spurt in what can be called as disloyalty and extramarital affairs as couples began to seek from outside relationship what they could not get from the sanctity of marriage.
Why is this trend becoming a commonplace in our country where we value traditions, culture, relationships and family values? Is it today’s culture or the changed attitudes towards life has contributed to the unhappiness and discontent in our lives? We expect our partners to cater to all our needs. If they don’t, we blame them for our unhappiness and all that goes wrong in the relationship. Sense of commitment to the marriage is lost when we focus only on our own needs. For a marriage to work what we need is commitment and trust. Once that is achieved, we learn the hard way of negotiating, adjusting and even accepting each other’s strengths and weaknesses and learn to live with that.
In today’s world the most common cause for infidelity is lack of attention couples are able to devote to each other. If someone starts to feel as if he/she is not appreciated in a relationship, he/she will go elsewhere to fill the vacuum being felt in a relationship. As long you make your partner feel that he/she is the top most priority in your life, everything would look and feel wonderful. When you find yourself paying more attention to your career and social life, your partner feels neglected. Having an affair with a new partner who pays them more attention compensates what one lacks in the relationship at home. Some people cheat because they think or know their partner has cheated on them and want to have a tit for a tat. This could be largely due to the suspicion on the partner, lack of trust in a relationship or knowledge. One more cause can be that the person wants the relationship to end and but didn't know how to go about it. Instead of sorting out the problems with a cool mind one of them chooses to be the villain so that they can easily break away from the relationship.
The only feasible solution from this stalemate is to appreciate your respective partners and not just take them for granted. Be content with what you get rather than aspiring for the moon. Be thankful and happy and don’t look for opportunities expecting something better always. Listen and understand and care for each other’s needs. Try to bring out the best in each other rather than pointing out the negative aspects. Be supportive and learn to appreciate rather than always finding fault with your partners. With the initial enthusiasm and passion in a relationship diminishing with the passage of time what helps strengthen the relationship is the respect the couple has for each other and the quality to forgive and forget.
Stay committed to the vows made to stay faithful and true. Having a contented relationships is the result of hard work. Such relationships need our time and attention. A very famous philosopher said "Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough”.
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