Jan 25, 2011
The height of Democracy:
The necessities, the comforts and the luxuries sold at the same price.
Onions = Rs 60
Beer = Rs 60
Petrol = Rs 60
Jai ho India........
Another Republic Day is around the corner. A simple question to all, are we not bored? I mean year by year the same floats and dances, same soldiers and tanks, same camels and horses, same speeches and promises. I certainly am. Folks, let’s be innovative, think different and act wise. So here is the plan for this Republic Day. We are going to do a reality check and find out what’s wrong. Let us not call any foreign guests this time, just to make ourselves comfortable because as the saying goes, ‘do not wash your dirty linen in public.’
As the sun rises on January 26, we will have the dignitaries seated on their VVIP seats. For the rest squeeze a little and adjust because you are going to witness ‘truth.’ So no traditional dances and dramas to entertain us but biting reality to wake us up - after al,l we are the largest sleeping Republic on earth. So gear up folks, and the let the show begin.
1st float – The Parliament Drama
A large truck enters the scene carrying two huge screens. The fights, quarrels and the drama of the parliament is being played on them. You cannot see the people’s faces because they have been blurred; just keep up their good reputation. You will see MPs fighting, quarrelling, calling one another names, and abusing each other’s kith and kin and so on. Let everyone know what goes on in the temple of democracy. You are free to close your eyes since the clips are raw.
This float is followed by another float displaying the annual waste of tax payer’s money. Per head cost will also be shown just to remind your personal loss. This amount goes every year in the drain because MPs wouldn’t sit in the parliament for reasons unknown.
2nd Float – The State Drama
This float is a fleet of all the states assemblies. Once again a spectacular display of wild emotions. All the thod-fod, maar-peet etc will entertain your emotions. You can see family and personal matters being discussed and lot of issues being debated. But watch carefully - they contain no issues relating to your own states. So you can imagine, where your state will be in another 20 years. After watching this clip you can change your state to a more suitable and less corrupt one.
3rd Float – The Mandir and the Masjid
A historical and present-day display of the disputed Ayodhya land still under the controversy of its actual owner. The emotions may run high as this float passes by so be at your guard. Keep safe your comments since they may hurt your neighbour and result in loss of blood. The Verdict in block letters will also be displayed followed by the statistics of those who died for this issue, or rather 'killed' would be more appropriate. It is left to you to decide the cause of their death. The land has been not yet given to the right owner so there is still scope for more bloodshed.
4th Float – Bhopal gas tragedy and Bofors gun scam
These two instances will be re-enacted with full respect. The people are under serious doubt if at all these things took place in India. They include names like Ottavio Quattrocchi and Warren Anderson which really confuse the majority. The display will be given a sugar coating just to make it an easy bite. The pictures of two men would also be shown and a dummy Bofors gun will enhance the display.
5th Float - (Un)Commonwealth games
The splendid display of India’s world-class planning and execution will soothe your mind. Biggest beneficiaries like Kalmadi & Co will also be a part of it. They will reveal their gross benefit and net profit. Their London and Australia tour snaps will make the float colourful. Sit back and enjoy as they dig a hole in your pocket in the name of games, wealth games.
6th Float – 2G
No accounts and no names. This is the mother of all scams as this kind of money has never been made by a any human being in such a short span of time. So we don’t want to disrespect our mother. Raja will display his techniques on how loot the government. Students please take those points carefully as no management college will teach them.
7th Float – Kasab’s Legacy
Confessions of a terrorist will be displayed. His discourse on how toescape from noose even after killing 50 people will be the centre of attraction.
Autographed copies will be available to all. Please read them once you get home.
8th Float – The Price War
An important float to the women concerned about soaring prices.
Special attention will be given to rising onion prices. The price list of the past 50 years and future 50 years will be displayed. Please bring your calculators as there may be mistakes owning to a biased budgeting system. A reminder, this war has just begun.
9th Float – The Swiss Bank
This float would be the last minute addition as the list is just out. Thanks to Wikileaks and Julian Assange for their daring journalism. This float could make us feel that we are going to be rich. Clear data will be at display but no names, because some of our sponsors come from there.
10th Float – Welcome to Karnataka
A lesson for other states, ideas for mining companies and additional tactics for the ministers on how to loot your own people and your land. This time this is the additional float as the whole country has been asking who Yeddyurappa is. This float will provide you with ways and means as to how to acquire land, how to loot the minerals, how to win elections and so on. This is shown to tell you that things cannot get worse than this...or maybe they can.
This would end the splendid show. All the audience would be requested to observe silence for the dying Republic. The audience can leave after having a glance at ‘Beating Retreat’. The special attraction is that this time the ministers would be performing it. This is just to remind you that we will be going back to the same or may be to something worse.
P S: If you have doubts about any of the floats you can access further information through RTI Act.
Caution: RTI Act does not cover damage to life and property.
Happy Republic Day.
Rohan Sequeira - archives: