January 13, 2012
I knew this was the moment I was waiting for, a few more steps and a jump from the 6th floor of this hospital, then my life is done. People call it “suicide” but it’s a full stop. I knew it will hurt for a few seconds but after that I will be free from everything. This was my thought.
I am Jane, 18 years old. A girl known for living her life fully, but it's people who pass their judgment. My life took a complete U-turn when I came to know that I didn’t clear my PUC examinations. I failed in Accounts. But the worst thing was my boyfriend broke up with me, the one whom I loved the most in this world.
The reason why I am in this hospital bed is because I consumed an overdose of sleeping pills but still survived, no idea, how, why and who brought me here. There were lots of pipes or tubes going from my hands, looked like glucose and blood. The ward room where I was admitted had another bed and in that bed I saw a child around 8 yrs old sleeping in peace. Wish I could sleep like that child in peace. Then my eyes went towards the window which didn’t have any barrier. I decided this was the moment; I pulled the tubes out of my body and drifted myself slowly towards the window, just the thought of me failing in my exams and boyfriend ditching came to my mind. I slowly opened the window, saw down and I knew I would fall on the concrete and... “THE END”.
Just when I was about to make the move, I heard a voice “Didi, thinking to jump??” the small boy asked me. He continued “You can die anytime you want, but why not give life a second chance”. I didn’t know what he meant by that, but I was totally stunned. I didn’t know what I should do next. I didn’t know how he came to know about my intentions. A few seconds later I saw his mom entering the room, very lean but young lady in her 30’s. She looked at me and said “Sister just have a walk downstairs and then decide what you want to do with your life”. Everything seemed strange that day, I don’t know how people came to know about my intention to end life. I didn’t know why, but something inside me said that I need to go down towards the reception. It was a strange feeling, Also, I thought I could jump anytime but I will never get this chance to walk down again.
I went out of my room. To my surprise the nurse on duty didn’t stop me from going down towards the reception. I was tired so I moved towards the elevator. I pressed “G” but instead of stopping at the ground floor, it stopped me at the first floor. I had to walk a floor down. When I stepped out of the elevator, I could hear voices, it sounded like movies where the King has lost his empire and Glory to the enemy. I walked in the direction of that sound. I saw a glass wall which separated the ICU room and the waiting area. In the waiting room there were lot of people with different expressions - some praying, some silently crying, some hoping for a miracle. Suddenly my eyes moved towards a family weeping bitterly, out of curiosity I inquired with the ward boy about the family, he was standing in between the ICU dept and the waiting room. He said to me, “That family has lost their one and only son aged 21 in a bike accident”. The weeping was so bitter that it made tears flow from my eyes as well.
My eyes turned towards another old lady who had a holy book in her hand and was praying deeply, it was like she was arguing, pleading and even begging with God, so I asked the ward boy what about her and he said “Her son, a lone bread winner for the family, is in last stage of brain tumor”. I couldn’t bear the intensity of pain and tears anymore. Just when I was about to turn back and walk towards the ground floor, I saw a stretcher in which a lady in her mid 30’s having burns injury being shifted to some ward and could hear her murmuring, “I don’t want to die! My kids are small, please someone get my kids I want to see them.”
I couldn’t handle it anymore so I hurried down the reception, when I went there I was shocked to see my whole family there, my mom bitterly weeping, my dad flew down from Gulf, my younger brother asking when will sis come back home, my college friends who were consoling my family, my church pastor.
I hurried towards my ward and on my bed I just wept. The small boy and his mom saw me crying. The boy said to me, “There are millions or billons of people in this world at different hospitals or places who are praying that they may live another day so that they can spend time with their family, their loved ones, they don’t want to die and you to whom God has gifted a wonderful life wants to lose it, God will never give you problems you can’t handle. Failure and problems are part of life, everyone goes through storms and hardships, but that doesn’t mean we quit fighting. Never miss out to live every second of this life as we never know when as an unexpected death will come knocking at our door.”
After some time I drifted off to sleep. Five hours later I saw my family members and friends beside me, everyone looking at me and thanking God for saving me. I hugged each one and apologized to them. I wanted to thank the boy beside me because he was the one who gave me a new life. I asked the nurse where the boy was in the other bed and she replied few hours back he died peacefully as he suffered from a rare heart disease.
Sometime in life there are strangers who teach us an important lesson in life. God has his own way of sending his message across and for me he sent me in the means of that child.
“You can die anytime you want, but why not give life a second chance….”
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