Battered Yet Undefeated

  •   Fri, Mar 08 2013
  •   By Maxim Lobo

March 8, 2013

(Internation Women's Day)


She had weathered many a hostile seasons before we could be anywhere! Her only priceless possession was her offspring that would grow steadily until we could count ourselves to six. She couldn’t afford decent maternity leaves as the firm she worked made sure she grabbed her toddlers early enough and left them with its crowded baby-sitting unit. Holding one onto her bosom and another firmly in her clasp she had a few miles to sprint to report to her job. She had to almost single-handedly keep her children from hunger, afford decent clothing and ensure they had some schooling too. That was all that mattered to her. Focus on essentials.

She didn’t hesitate to knock the doors of awe-inspiring parish priests in the church and stern-looking nuns in the school and in the social centres. They must have considered her quite a nuisance, but, they did their bit. And that bit meant the world to her.

She was unlike any other I saw. With no education behind her she knew no reading or writing. The only literate joy she had was when we succeeded in making her laboriously imprint her signature. I am sure, she felt quite awkward the hundreds of times she repeated the drill. And she accomplished her task anyway.

I never remember her saying ‘I love you’. She never hugged us, but, she did cuddle my little brothers at infancy and therefore, I presume I wasn’t left out either! I guess there was no sitting with homework then. At least my mother couldn’t afford us that luxury. All she knew was to safeguard and promote our life. And life blossomed around her.

She probably had dreams for us. But she never disclosed them. May be she wasn’t sure if she was entiltled to any. Occasionally, we saw tears rolling down her cheeks; we could sense her pain, her despair, her helplessness, her misery. There was none to comfort, none to confide to. But she found a way out real quick. And we could always rely on her.

I cannot forget how without fail she made some little delicacy for each one of our birthdays year after year but she had no idea when her own birthday was and she never seemed to have wanted to know it. In each one of our birthdays she saw so much of her life. She needed no recognition.

I am yet to decipher this one. She never once took ill in all those many years despite living under constant stress, unreasonable demands and unscheduled trauma. Eventually when she did years later, the hospital staff informed us that she had admitted herself there. Being ill was no option for her.

She not only had no support from her man, but being with him was quite an experience! I guess she overestimated her inner reserves to wage the lone battle. So, she braved on till the end.

She worked in that little coffee factory for 30 odd years doing the same manual coffee gleaning job with distinction and persisted even after her retirement when all they gave her was peanuts! Having a regular income mattered to her more than how much she would get in it until we succeeded in persuading her against it just a few years back!

Her 60 plus years belie her ravaged body that faced head-on life’s vicissitudes but her spirit is ever more robust and therefore her tireless toil continues. She now has a lot to cheer as her little ones have grown to face the world with much better resources than she did. But she can’t afford to rest. There are the cows who need to be fed with her choice grass that she carries on her head from some distance. There is her little garden with spinach, cucumber, ridge gourd and even pepper. To cap it all, God has given her the excitement of caring for five baby girls (no baby boys yet!) among her grandchildren when in every one of her six deliveries I suppose she yearned to caress a girl. Tell me of life’s strange ways!

She is the woman who gave me a peek into this awesome world that’s so unlike me. Women, I understand are made of steel but seem a touch fragile more so because of a society that is so good in one-upmanship against what they term as the weaker sex. So, a bit of care and protection will do them no harm. Just a bit of it would have let my mother smile once a while! By the way, when I was old enough to get my hand into the church register I managed to find her date of birth. It’s a week after the women’s day! Coincidence you would say.

 
Happy Women’s Day!

 
By Maxim Lobo
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Comment on this article

  • anita britto, Mangalore/Auckland

    Sun, Mar 10 2013

    A beautiful tribute to your Mother.I admire her unrelenting drive to succeed.

    As you rightly mentioned , am sure she had dreams for her children which helped her make it against odds.

  • Oliver Sutari, Manipal

    Sun, Mar 10 2013

    Dear Mr. Lobo,
    Written with an air of mystery, your article touches the very soul of one's being. What a beautiful tribute to a tenacious - and yet soft - mother, who no doubt deserves it.

  • Anita, Mangalore/Canada

    Sun, Mar 10 2013

    Beautiful, brought tears to my eyes. My mom brought me up too single-handed a single woman with children faces immense challenges in India. This tribute shows she must've made you a better man to appreciate a woman for who she truly is.

  • paul dsouza, balakunje

    Sat, Mar 09 2013

    some time we missunderstand women. good article & bless you.

  • Jennet Prescilla, Mangalore Muscat

    Sat, Mar 09 2013

    A beautiful tribute to your mom. May her tribe be on the increase. Now-a-days you hardly see such dedication and grit. But I do say today's ladies are not less. They strive and struggle to give the best to the man in their life and her children. Mother is a mother always. Somewhere I read " God could not be everywhere so he created mother" I feel this is the greatest tribute to a mother individually and to a woman as a whole. Thank you for this beautiful and heart wrenching article.

  • saritha, Bangalore

    Sat, Mar 09 2013

    very touching Maxy...May she receive all the best from her life in her coming years.

  • sheryl, mangalore

    Sat, Mar 09 2013

    Awesome. Blessed is the woman to have a son like you, who acknowledges everything she did for you. May God bless both mother and the sons along with their families.


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