February 15, 2014
Suicide is Not an Option
“Beware the ides of March” you cried when I tossed you up in the air
Your grubby hands you’d waive around with theatrical flair
And with a plastic dagger concealed beneath my vest
In sham pretence I’d stomp around and stab you in your chest
Teary eyed you'd look at me with utter disbelief
Saying “Et tu Brute “- your last words when death came like a thief
You loved being Julius Caesar - a role you played with zest
Your audience in raptures and thoroughly impressed
We clapped for you – Our Superstar – your Mum, your Dad and me
The three of us all soul mates who loved you tenderly
You were the apple of our eyes – Our Darling Little Sid
You taught me about being a Mum before I had a kid
Your Mum and Dad – my best of friends were filled with pride and joy
The day when you arrived in March – their cuddly baby boy
A tidal wave between our hearts connected you and me
A moment I will treasure until eternity
I watched you grow with sheer delight from baby boy to teen
Sharing every moment until you turned nineteen
Your first word and your first step – and even your first crush
When Mum teased you so lovingly and you tried not to blush
To know you was to love you – you made the whole world smile
Making people whom you met feel happy and worth while
All the kids hung out with you – saying you were super cool
The guys would ape you shamelessly and teenaged girls would drool
We thought your life was perfect and wished you thought so too
Or told us you were troubled for we didn’t have a clue
You did so well in school and sport and got on well with all
And nothing had prepared me for that much dreaded phone call
I heard Dad’s voice and knew at once that something wasn’t right
And what unfolded turned out to be one of our worst nights
Poor Mum was just beside herself with shock and guilt and grief
The thought that you would take your life filled her with disbelief
I went over the note you wrote a thousand times or more
And every time it wrenched my heart and something in me tore
I hate the word called Suicide – it always freaks me out
It makes me feel so paralysed, I want to scream and shout
Somehow I never saw the signs - I never heard you cry
You always seemed content and calm which made me wonder why
You chose to quit and leave us all in agony and pain
It made us feel frustrated – it drove us all insane
The thought of self-inflicted death is always such a blow
Impacting those you leave behind whose pain you’ll never know
I wish I hadn’t failed you and had just one more chance
I’m sure I would have saved you had I guessed in advance
Recounting all the talks we had I wondered what I missed
Did you try to tell me stuff I carelessly dismissed?
You had everything to live for – And no matter what I do
I can not bring you back to life – My one and only you
Dad had named you Siddhartha – A name he chose with pride
After Gautama Buddha – his Teacher and his Guide
You spoke about Nirvana like the enlightened one
But chose to go like Kurt Cobain when Life had just begun
I pulled myself together to comfort Mum & Dad
Pretending I was strong and tough though shattered and so sad
In what I can describe as - The unkindest cut of all
You chose to make your exit without a curtain call
The memory still haunts me despite the years gone by
And it hurts to write this stuff but I just have to try
To do this for each kid around and hope they change their mind
And tell them of the living death of those they leave behind
You must have seen a blade of grass between the sidewalk cracks
Reaching out for nutrients in spite of all it lacks
It struggles hard to make it, it struggles to survive
It knows with sun and water, it might begin to thrive
No doubt it faces setbacks and it can not see the light
Unlike Judas Iscariot it seems to know what’s right
Despite not reading Walden it has faith in the seed
And knows that Thoreau’s essays are ones which all should read
The dark hole that engulfs you and the sea of drowning pain
Is one that will not last for long like clouds after the rain
If you’re feeling lost and low it always helps to talk
Don’t bottle up your feelings like a metamorphic rock
Life wont dish out all we want and often life’s not fair
What helps in darkest moments is the gift of faith and prayer
Call a crisis helpline or dial 9-1-1
Don’t give into despair – Life’s a race that can be won
With every fibre of my being I urge you not to quit
Free your mind from fettered chains and fight with all your grit
Life was gifted to you; it’s not for you to take
To end it so untimely is a choice you shouldn’t make
You are unique and special no matter how you feel
I promise you that things will change but give it time to heal
Your ties with Mother Earth are strong and something you shouldn’t sever
The world’s a better place with you – We need you more than ever.
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