When the Past Stares into Future


August 24, 2014

Father And Mother I Love You. Take the initials of every word, you have FAMILY! There is a father, for sure there is the mother, and the child too. The question that nags is, where is love? Buried deep down into the sands of time? Maybe. Shoved away by more important matters like work, kitty parties, virtual world, peer group? That’s for you to answer. 

Joint families are now a history that to the most will be embodied on the lips of our grandparents, in  social science text books, debates, statistics, articles, maximised to a bunch of a very few joint families scattered like dots in the universe. These very joint families where there were at least twelve to fifteen members that could go up to even fifty or more where there was love pouring out of the brim, share no matter how big the platter and how meagre the food, care to wipe off even a small trickle of tear, quarrels that ushered them more closer tightening the bond, laughter that echoed across the hallway and into the kitchen where food smelled as heavenly as mud from the first rains with platters making noises terribly loud yet joyous, children shouting and playing with falls and cries in the courtyard. 


As time ticked on, families started breaking down into half of what they used to be before further breaking down into a family of just the kids and the parents where as now what we get to see is just one kid and the parents. Here is where the kid drifts away into just another world while the parents are busy planning a ‘secure future’ for their ‘only’ child. Amidst all this, all the child lacks is personal attention, personal care while love gushes out in the form of high end cell phones, laptops, PS’s, cool outfits, more-than-required pocket money, unquestioned freedom which at the end of the day leads towards nothing but doom. 

The fact remains that even today but limited to very little, we do get to see closely bonded families where the child still loves to be cuddled by daddy on his lap, where the child loves to talk endlessly to mommy about all the things that happened in school, the fights, the moments light, the teacher’s scowls while the children hooted and howled, where the child still wants to snuggle into bed with mom and dad on either sides, where television seems to have taken a quiet and isolated spot in some corner of the house flickering once in a while if daddy wants to watch some news or mommy some cookeries as the little one comes by once a while to watch ‘my’ favourite cartoon because most of the time he/she is always basking in sun playing with ‘my’ neighbour friends or doing homework. No  matter what, but always busy. If nothing, go pester mommy. Life can often be beautiful if you want to make it so, see it so, feel it so. 

Then why? Why is that the families are splitting up like molecules and atoms, why is that the child no more cares what’s happening in the world out there for it is so immersed in the virtual world that it is hard to shake it awake from its disastrous sleep, why is that in spite of having all the money and luxuries of life there seems to be no peace of mind or words kind? The answer lies within us if for a moment we are ready to steal time and peep into our own lives, ponder over it and make sense of what’s happening and where it is leading to. The spouse has no time for the other, the child has no time to even say hi to the parent, we talk to people across the globe yet do not know who lives next door, there is skype and facebook with people from school whom we tag ‘buddies’ n ‘dudes’ but walk by the same ‘virtual peer’ without a hi now isn’t that rude? But they say it’s cool. I wonder, ‘what fools’. 

As the past cherishes its good ole’ days, it sits away in a corner with lines of worries on its forehead as it imagines the near future of what it might turn into as it looks from close fractions at the present with things in such disarray muddled with artificiality from top to toe except for a few trails of realism on the sands by the beach, which, catastrophically are already fading away as soft waves of destruction peddle steadily up the shore line while it smiles at us wickedly casting its spell on the world just like cancer. As the adage goes, prevention is better than cure, I add up, this time it’s your family, do not get lured.




By Komal Jenifer D'Souza
Komal D'Souza, from Milagres, Kallianpur, is a student of Milagres College, studying in 2nd year degree (commerce). She has a passion for fiction novels and loves food, travelling and sight-seeing. Movies and music are her favourite pass times. She inculcated the habit of writing since junior high school and made it her hobby. She also often plays the keyboard in the church choir and also for college events.
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Comment on this article

  • anita britto , Mangalore/Auckland

    Tue, Sep 02 2014

    Beautiful article, Komal. Brought back lots of childhood memories

  • Ronald, Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 28 2014

    When a beautiful girl writes some article then there are loads of comments coming up from guys saying , wow, wonderful, beautiful, eyeopener etc etc. I had a glance look at the article and yes really well written. If you put the things to practical then why we have nuclear families now? as soon as a woman got married to a man then see what expectations keep building from her, what pressure a man gets to meet her expectations, then you will find the answer. Komal dear you are too young to understand these things. Anyways good luck and keep writing some inspiring articles.

  • Shalini Dcosta, Bendur,Mangalore

    Thu, Aug 28 2014

    Nice article. Actually, it is an an eye-opener and introspective. Thank you.

  • Ajith Peter Dsouza, Udupi/Dubai

    Wed, Aug 27 2014

    Fresh shoots of thoughts popping out in the article are meticulously scattered in florid language. The subject here is rhetorical yet very aptly describes the need of the time, a concern shared by many. The concept of nuclear family and the frustration of dissipated hearts is vividly portrayed. Wonderful efforts by Komal towards flashing the light on the emerging issues.though the outlook of each is subjective on the matter yet the issues raised here stand true. Keep writing.

  • Annie, Moodbidri / Bangalore

    Wed, Aug 27 2014

    The article is introspective. I liked it, esp for one so young. Definitely, I couldnt write like this during my young age.

    But, joint families are always not joyful and love brimming over. There is lot of hate, jealousy, partiality between children (and their families), unfair work division, name calling and so many other issues. I've seen this when I was a child. This could be avoided if the house is different but close to the relatives. It is horrible to hear the shouting and threatening for property division, family drunks screaming etc, etc.

    Nuclear families save their children from these bad behaviours and experiences at least. Kids from these families are more independent and vocal and loving (at least to their parents).

    Any circumstance has its positives and negatives. Only highlighting the positives does not make the negatives zero. If the joint family system was so great, it would not have dis-integrated into nuclear family system at all.

    There are advantages of both the nuclear and the joint system.
    Let's celebrate both. Both are 'families', right ?

  • Prakash Dsilva, mumbai

    Tue, Aug 26 2014

    Well written. Educative, informative and inspirational. Keep writing. All the best.

  • Greg D'Souza, Pernal / USA

    Tue, Aug 26 2014

    Well, I can smell the fragrance of "KOMAL" right here in Florida, wish your light will shine upon every family!

  • Patrick L. Lewis , Thonse-Kallianpur/Dubai

    Tue, Aug 26 2014

    Very good Article. Olden days people are God fearing.
    I have also noticed no-one from Kallianpur has written any appreciation or comments for the artical. Any way good luck Komal.

  • Fr. Maurice D'Souza, Belle/USA

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Hi Komal,
    Did't know you are a free-lancer writer with topics of public interest. May your desire to critique life situations grow as you invite readers to engage in constructive ways. Congratulations!

  • Shanthi, Thottam/USA

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    We'll written article Komal.

  • Sooraj, Hassan/Saudi Arabia

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Beautiful article, Reminded Childhood days.

  • readerwriter007, pune

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    I do agree with you Komal. But I stand against generalizing this. As I myself is from a family where I still stay with my parents. Still same love and affection with my sisyers and their families. Of coure we are not staying together as they are married. I have a son of 9 years and small daughter who is 1 years old. Still growing with true love and affection. They are not pampered with high end cells and PSPs. Still my son gets guidance from his grand father and stories from his grand mother. I have realised it that the above life which you mentioned will not let them to have a better life. I stress on merits and academics also. but meanwhile, encouraging my son to participate in competitions and all. So, yes, we have this problem in society. But there are some families which have realised the problem and taken required remedy actions.

  • Flavia, Bangalore

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Great Job Jenni. Keep it up and keep posting more of informative articles. As parents We need to lean more from younger generation

  • M Nayak, Mangalore

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Very well written, continue writing. All the best.

  • Shala D'Souza, Kemman/Saudi

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Well written Komal! Looking forward to read more of your writing.

  • sowmya pai, Magalore

    Mon, Aug 25 2014

    Well thought. ! Need to be read by all those parents who are only bothered about their career and those children who search for the love with an outsider !!

  • komal dsouza, kallianpur

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    This very family evolution sir, is slowly eating into the lives of many cutting off the feeble threads thar bond its members... Sad but true.

  • joel lewis, udupi/ bangalore

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    congrats...keep it up...expecting more and more...

  • komal D'Souza, kallianpur

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    My heartfelt gratitude to daijiworld as well for providing to me a platform, as large scale as this, to put forth my thoughts.

  • Antony Cony D Souza, Karkala / Qatar

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    At your tender age, you have given serious thoughts about the survival of family values. As a matter of fact, most of the families are disintegrated from Joint family into Nuclear Families and from Nuclear Families into Neutral families. Family sizes have come down considerably and so its family networks. It is called family evolution. However, come what may, a family gives birth to another family transmitting its original family values from one to next with firm kinship relationship family bond to remain intact.

  • Komal D'Saouza, Kallianpur

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    Thank you readers. I'm glad you all liked it. Families sadly are coming down in crumbles which I felt ought to be thrown light upon.

  • Sandra, Udupi

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    Good to see your article... Nice one... Hope to see more of your work...

  • joseph, Mumbai

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    Well written article, portraying the sorry state of affairs of the day, where children long for love and be loved. The author has given vent to her feelings in a thought provoking manner. All the best to the budding author, Keep writing many more.

  • adina dsouza, Udupi

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    Wonderful gal.!! Hats off... keep writing...

  • VIOLET DSA, Shirva/Kallianpur/Mumbai

    Sun, Aug 24 2014

    A beautiful article, meant for every one of us. A lot of today's perils can be attributed to our selfish and materialistic attitude of 'I, me and myself'. Let us delve into the past, peek thru our joint families and "LEARN". Three cheers to the writer. Well done!


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