Should Marriages be Boring and for Throwing Away?

September 3, 2022

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”- Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983), American journalist and author.

Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?” -Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet and playwright – known for his humour.

The subject of staleness creeping into marriage is recurring and the latest instance comes from Cochin with the Kerala High Court ruling on the subject as reflected in the following excerpts from media coverage of the judgment.

KOCHI: The younger generation thinks marriage is an evil to be avoided to enjoy life without any obligations, the Kerala high court observed in a judgment. The court also said the consumer culture of ‘use and throw’ has influenced matrimonial relationships.

The observation was made by a division bench comprising Justices A Muhamed Mustaque and Sophy Thomas after considering an appeal filed by a 34-year-old husband seeking a divorce from his 38-year-old wife whom he married after falling in love nearly a decade ago. The couple has three girls and the husband now allegedly wants to pursue his relationship with another woman. Claiming cruel treatment by his wife, the husband sought a divorce but was denied by the court.

In the judgment, written by Justice Sophy, the court said, “Now-a-days, the younger generation think that marriage is an evil that could be avoided to enjoy free life without any liabilities or obligations. They would expand the word ‘WIFE’ as ‘Worry Invited For Ever’ substituting the old concept of ‘Wise Investment For Ever’. The consumer culture of ‘use and throw’ seems to have influenced our matrimonial relationships also. Live-in relationships are on the rise, just to say goodbye when they fell apart.”

Through the judgment of August 24, 2022 the court also said Kerala was once known for its well-knit families but the present trend is to break the nuptial tie on flimsy or selfish reasons or for extra-marital relationships, even unmindful of their children. When warring couples, deserted children, and desperate divorcees occupy the majority of the population, it will adversely affect the tranquility of social life and the society would have stunted growth, the court added.

Law and religion consider marriage as an institution by itself and parties to a marriage cannot unilaterally walk away from the relationship and has to dissolve the marriage through court or personal law, the court said. Stating that mere quarrels or casual outbursts of emotions cannot be treated as cruelty, the court said the husband’s relationship with another woman caused a disturbance in their family life in this case. The court also said that when a woman has reasonable ground to suspect her husband’ fidelity and questions him or expresses deep sorrow before him, it cannot be termed a behavioural abnormality, as it is the natural human conduct of a normal life.

The subject is open to many views. What are yours? Your response is welcome in the format given below (Pl. Scroll down a bit).


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By John B Monteiro
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Comment on this article

  • Rudolf Rodrigues, Mumbai

    Wed, Sep 07 2022

    A L Mendonca, you are right! In Japan, men have started marrying mannequins and treat them like a living being, and it's legal!

  • A L Mendonca, Mangalore

    Wed, Sep 07 2022

    The question is not about boredom or use and discard- the question to be asked -is Marriage relevant in a modern society . Data shows it is not. As humans progressed from joint to nuclear families , the next logical step is Single . Further on Artificial Intelligence( if not regulated) will dictate what will happen to Humans. As we talk Marriages are taking place in the METAVERSE - which is virtual -so virtual babies will be born? Europe's bench mark nation Germany has a population of 83 million and 38 % live as singles. Norway's Oslo boasts of being the most attractive destination for singles. Japan has the highest number of unmarried over 40's . India -on the other hand has a gross divorce rate of 0.1%- very nice on paper. But, data does not include the bulk of abandoned wives and poverty related separations. Mizoram ,W Bengal, Gujarat, Chattisgarh , Kerala have highest number among Indian states- varying reasons . I think suitable employment and economic disparity between genders -especially with more women earning better than their male counterparts will eventually make marriage less attractive.

  • Rudolf Rodrigues, Mumbai

    Tue, Sep 06 2022

    Karen, remember age is a chronological factor, not a gerontological factor; in that a person who is 60 years old may look like and act as a 40 year old and vice versa, hope you understand what I want to convey!!

  • Preetham, Farangipet

    Mon, Sep 05 2022

    Karen D'Souza, it takes both uncles and aunts to tango.

  • Karen Dsouza, Udupi/Mumbai

    Mon, Sep 05 2022

    No, but they're also not for only show to the world. If you are married, be married and loyal to your wife. Why these people live two lives, one where they are married and committed and hidden from the world, they're busy hunting their next prey. Especially old uncles, frustrated with their pathetic married lives, who are scared of society.

  • Rudolf Rodrigues, Mumbai

    Sat, Sep 03 2022

    Timely topic!! The concept of marriage is slowly dying emulating the advanced countries; most youngsters no more hold the sanctity of marriage with much seriousness! Casual sex and extramarital affairs are rising unabated probably influenced by the films and access to easy communication and increasing income for discretionary expenditure! Both partners earning handsomely, being financially independent, are full of ego and ready to say bye bye at the drop of a hat! Ofcourse, the upbringing as a child and the peer group influence the outcome in many cases! It's shocking to read reports of brides running away immediately after the nuptials putting the families to shame and making a mockery of the institution of marriage! The degradation of moral values has now spread to the rural areas as well!

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