August 28, 2025
Introduction
"Love Marriage: Good or Bad?" is a question that looks quite relevant in our contemporary society in India. If we say the tradition of arranged marriages is outdated, what remains is the ‘love marriage’ or ‘no marriage’. But ‘no marriage’ cannot be a viable option even though it could be an exception in some cases. If ‘love marriage’ becomes the prominent viable option, we need to reflect why do we sometimes feel that it is a bad option or why can’t it be a good option always. Soon it could become only option for marriage; hence, it is time for us to think in advance how can we take all possible precautions to make it always a ‘good’ option.
Before that we would like to note that just because the love marriage sometimes fails, we cannot say that it is bad. Marriage can fail due to several reasons, even if our choice was the best one or even if we marry happily and start living happily it can meet with road blocks later on, and this can happen even in the case of arranged marriages. That being a different topic, let us return to our topic and discuss certain points which can help the young to choose a good partner and to make marriage bond compatible and efficacious.
- What is love marriage?
In a love marriage, the partners themselves choose each other and resolve to marry. There need not be any mediator between them or even if there are mediators like a ‘matrimonial’ etc., they have only a passive role. In our case the partners themselves develop friendship which matures into mutual commitment. What binds them together is affection and mutual compatibility regarding personal, emotional, religious, educational, career and finally the mutual consent to commit themselves in a lasting marriage bond.
- Marriage needs preparation
The present generation is well advanced in their preparation for academic options. In the tenth grade itself they are enlightened what are the options available for the next level of studies and what they should choose keeping in mind their aptitudes and potentials. Just see the hectic preparations that precede before launching a business, taking up a job or building a new house; but, entering into stable friendship that leads to the bond of marriage is hardly paid serious attention. Marriage is not just a social or emotional bond; it is a lifelong partnership that demands serious preparation so that it functions efficaciously and becomes a smooth and harmonious journey till the end of life. For this we need to undertake certain precautions and certain positive initiatives. The role of the elders in guiding their children in this arduous task cannot be minimized.
- The Rational Choice
The first condition for a good and adequate choice of a life partner is the proper application of reason in the whole process of choice. Human person is a bundle of emotions. It is possible to yield to these emotions in an irrational way and fall into the pit. We speak of ‘falling in love’ or ‘love at first sight’ or ‘teenage crush’. Any one can fall into the pitfall of emotions if one is not careful or not properly guided. Certain aspect of romance and the experience of vibes in the process of love marriage is to be definitely recognised. But the romance alone should never be allowed to cloud our rational faculty. Hence, age factor and emotional maturity are very important. Falling in love before twenty years of age can certainly be declared as immature.
The period between thirteen to nineteen years is an enigmatic stage of life where a young person can falter very easily if proper guidance is lacking. The teenagers should be clearly informed that before twenty years their focus should be on manifold activities. It is the time to involve in studies, sports, games, hobbies and variety of youth activities and indirectly prepare themselves to build up personal relationships. They should guard their friendships lest they sink into deep attachments. With the completion of nineteen years, they end their secondary education and commence their graduate studies, regular or professional. During graduation one can certainly venture into the task of searching for a life partner. What are the steps to be followed in this venture?
- Know yourself
Before you venture into a search for a stable friend, ‘know yourself’, your own IQ and EQ. Have a proper self-knowledge of yourself by taking up an analysis of your own personality. Knowing yourself will help you to proceed well to discern others and know others and make a right choice. You should know who you are and be conscious of your positive and negative characteristics. Ask yourself whether ‘mentally’ you are mature enough to handle responsibilities, build up relationships and communicate effectively; ‘psychologically’, whether you have enough emotional stability, self-awareness, and the ability to cope with stress, conflict, and change; ‘existentially’, you need to explain to yourself deeper questions like “What kind of life do I want to build?”, “Am I ready to share my life journey with someone else?”, and “Do I understand the meaning and purpose of stable friendship and permanent commitment?”
- The Search Period
Once you have a clear picture of what you are and what you expect, wait for the opportunities to meet people, to undertake certain group activities with them and start observing and analysing their behaviour. First of all, you need to learn to ‘observe’ the behaviour of persons you encounter, evaluate their mentality and speech, whether they are compatible with your self-understanding and your life goals. Then start ‘cultivating friendship’ with a few and only after a considerable period narrow down your friendship to one single person.
Before finalising your stable friendship with one, it is important to envision the kind of person who would truly complement your life. A good life partner is someone who supports your dreams, communicates openly and handles challenges with maturity. You must confirm the religious affiliation of your friend before you arrive at a decision and also his general health condition. If you choose someone belonging to another religion, you have to be ready to face consequences. How will you answer the rebukes from your family, how can you hold on to your own beliefs and what will be the religion of your kids and the like. It’s also helpful to consider shared values and goals, like views on family, career, and lifestyle, because these create a foundation for harmony. Ultimately, imagining your ideal partner helps clarify what you truly need and deserve in a relationship.
Sufficient duration is also necessary for this entire process to observe and know your friends before you proceed to choose one of them as a stable friend. At least one year should be taken for internal preparation, observation and a keen study of people you meet. Another two years could be taken to cultivate friendship. The entire duration can be characterised as ‘search period’. In case, if someone does not wish to search at all, what should be done? Nothing can be done. It is the duty of the parents to bring to the notice of their children that it is their responsibility to commence the search for a partner when they complete nineteen years. If so, before completing graduation one can find a stable friend, because it is the psychologically suitable stage of life to find a partner. Later on, the search bound to become very cumbersome.
- Stable friendship:
Choosing your life-partner is a process of narrowing down your friendship accompanied with positive vibes and encounters that lead to a definitive confirming of relationship. When the choice is mutually confirmed, it should be brought to the awareness of the respective parents. There is nothing to hesitate to introduce your partner, the fiancée and fiancé, to your respective parents. It is necessary to take them into confidence before you proceed ahead.
- Responsibility of the Society
The society itself should set a stage to prepare the new generation of youth for a ‘search period’ explained above.It should now develop a new custom of celebrating the twentieth birthday very solemnly, in the sense the parents when they know their child has completed nineteen years, it is their duty to enlighten their young ones regarding their responsibility of choosing a right and suitable partner. They could take the initiative of inviting a “wise man” of the family to raise the toast and deliver the birthday speech in honour of the birthday celebrant, during which he should publicly declare that the time has arrived for the young celebrant to begin the search for a life partner and it is his responsibility to find a life partner congruent with family and faith traditions. He should also enlighten the young one to inform the parents as soon as the choice is made. To parents he must exhort not only to accept the choice of their son or daughter willingly but also to welcome warmly the new member into their family fold in an informal manner without any prejudices.
In today’s changing society, parents play a vital role in guiding their children by not opposing or ignoring the topic of love and marriage; this can be done by taking a supportive and understanding approach towards the process. The duration of graduation is the time when young adults are emotionally maturing, gaining clarity about life goals, and beginning to understand what they want to achieve in the future as they march forward along the journey of life.
When parents encourage open conversations, children feel safe to share their thoughts and choices. This helps avoid secret relationships, rushed decisions or emotional mistakes. With parental guidance, the youngsters can take the initiative to choose wisely, build a strong and stable friendship which can slowly grow into perpetual life commitment.
Last but not the least, the Diocese can also join and complement the process by organising Deanery level camps annually for college students, like that of “Jeevan Jyothi” camps. Similarly, the Catholic Colleges also can organise camps annually for Catholic Youth to come together from various colleges where opportunities are offered for youth to initiate new contacts.
- Conclusion
Choosing a life partner during degree studies or after twenty years of age is a wise decision because, at this stage, individuals become young adults and they have the clarity, freedom and even maturity to explore their options thoughtfully. With maximum opportunities to meet diverse people, students can find someone who truly complements not only their personality but also their academic and career goals. When both partners support each other’s growth, they build a strong foundation for a successful future together. This period allows them to plan their marriage carefully, ensuring it is based on mutual understanding, respect, and shared aspirations - setting the stage for a happy and fulfilling life ahead.