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Udupi: Man commits suicide - Marital discord, mental torture alleged

  •   Fri, Feb 27 2015 08:46:06 AM

Daijiworld Media Network - Udupi (SP)

Udupi, Feb 27: A resident of Chantharu village near Brahmavar, Divakar Pai (32), breathed his last on Wednesday February 25 as a result of consuming some poisonous substance.

Divakar's mother, Mamata M Pai, in a complaint filed at Brahmavar police station, alleged that her son's was a case of abetment to suicide.

She said that Divakar had married a girl named Priya on August 20, 2014. She stated that quarrel between the couple began within a month thereof over her demand for getting separated from family, sharing of property, and also about Mamata Pai.

Mamata has alleged that every time after the fight, Priya used to convey information to her mother, Sharada Devi, and younger sister, Poonam. She said that all the three together inflicted mental torture on Divakar, driving him to the extent of deciding to end his own life.

A case in this connection has been registered in Brahmavar police station.
  

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Comment on this article

  • unknown, Belgaum

    Wed, Jun 17 2015

    dear all readers reading this artical.
    i am the person who knew the girls family to nearest.
    i would only like to tell you this is a fake compaint raised on girl. girl was tortured in that family since the time of marriage. ther was also a complaint raised against the boy's family and a written letter was taken by the boy in the police station stated that the harasement was done by himself and the family to the girl.photos, letter are available with family as evidance of harrasement.through this the family and the girl has been into great dipression and conflicts.i dont know what to tell, i am only clerifying that the family is innocent and still girl crys for her life spoiled due to this marriage.

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Rita, Germany

    Sun, Mar 01 2015

    @Noname,Mangalore,I just understand what you are going through.Even though not personally but from Family ,has undergone this .I would like to advice you,the following.Now you have taken a disicion and married to take responsibility.so you will have to be steady and take your wife and make a seperate home and stay .For sometime mother will be saying son is neglecting,but with time they will arrange with it.That doesnt mean you should neglect her.Be fair to both.Many times when new one Comes home many in laws dont agree to new one.Thats normal.but when it goes too far ,have to decide.Or send wife to work if possible.so you can avoid both staying in front with brooms in Hand.Tell mother smoothly she should give her daughter in law some time to adjust.and she should remember her time as d.in law .or you will go out.That may bring back her on grounds.say her you are married to her and wish a life with her in the future and wish both of them are important to you.wish you good luck.

    DisAgree Agree Reply Report Abuse

  • Stan, Udupi/ Dubai

    Sat, Feb 28 2015

    There seems to be no substance in mothers complaint.The man should not be so weak to succumb to pressures from wife. There are so many ways to solve marital problems and he should not have go to the extreme step. He has achieved nothing out of his act. She may get married again.Why he has not left any suicide note.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [7] Reply Report Abuse

  • shiva, kota-dubai

    Sat, Feb 28 2015

    good answer stan. true.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • Jl, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Boys mother doesnt want to give up her power and wants to dominate the house instead of taking back seat after daughter in law comes. Constantly picks on daughter in law to show her power. Result is war, if son is not strong then God only knows what he will do.....

    DisAgree [1] Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Sat, Feb 28 2015

    True. Just as a father gradually transfers decision making as well as other powers to son, a MIL is supposed to slow down and take a back seat.

    When a grown up, married woman is still expected to do assisting cores and her MIL decides what should/n't be cooked, who should come to the house, where can a member of a family visit or refrain, differences in opinion arise leading to fights.

    If a son separates from his family owing to such problems, his wife is blamed for taking away the son, if she remains united with her in-laws but shares her misery with maternal relatives again its called interference, there is no end, absolutely no end.

    Best is, girls, complete your education and grace a well paid position in your career after which you with your husband can command all the luxuries, including keeping your in-laws busy with complete facilities they deserve leaving no time to nag you.

    DisAgree Agree [3] Reply Report Abuse

  • Kusuma Kumari G Nellore , Nellore/Kodyadka

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Its not at true that only girls get tortured at marriage. Indian people always blame men when a marriage is broken Thats not at all true. Many marriages are broken because of girls too. Some behave so arrogantly as if they own the men they married They torture them and push towards suicide, These kind of things are happening and I think there should be justice in this case. I wish the court act properly here for a man has lost his life. I saw some comments by Bhandrakar here who takes things lightly this is no laughing matter Bahdarkar but a real issue in society. I am sure many men suffer in silence fearing disgrace in society.

    DisAgree [3] Agree [27] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    What Madam serious always???
    What better can you advise in
    'name's' situation' tell me?
    Come on -now out with it?
    Well- what serious always???
    I do not want to die with a serious look on my face. I am very
    serious about this. I mean I want to go out with a 'smiling face'.
    That is my advice, come what may.
    What is wrong with my advice ,given such a situation...Elaborate.
    Why you your 'DR' tag nowadays? Tell me? What problem you have?

    DisAgree [1] Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • Raja, Bangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Hi
    I feel every married person has to pass through this situation, I am also one of them. After 8 year I came to know the solution for this. Simple theory... Listen both but do what ever you think... do not follow women (Mother / Wife), take you own step... that should not be fever for both... if it is not work then ignore both for some time... they will come in track

    DisAgree [2] Agree [26] Reply Report Abuse

  • Rita, Germany

    Sat, Feb 28 2015

    @Raja,mangalore,no Raja,it can be a real hell on earth when you Keep neutral.mother blames son for not listening,wife weeps and say son hears to mother.But it cannot be good in Long run.There will be no peace at home when both are not go in a same path.but as per this case ,how can his wife within a year fight for property and other things ?sure there was something else behind this.Finddout properly.poor fellow.No peace after marriage and end with suicide.may his Soul rest in peace.

    DisAgree Agree [2] Reply Report Abuse

  • habib, Mangalore

    Sat, Feb 28 2015

    good one, I am damn sure that those disagree from girls :-)

    DisAgree Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • noname, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    I also need help for similar issue. There was no issue at all before marriage. I had taken my parents for granted. Things have really changed after marriage and I am undergoing mental trauma as there is lots of nagging and dragging going on between wife, family, her family etc. Issue is very similar to this news. Commenters here say counseling would help etc etc. It is very easy to say but where should I go for counseling?

    DisAgree Agree [18] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Remain in a 'No name' state till matters clear.
    Man, You are afraid to write your name! Situation I think is worse than Divakar Pai's.
    1. Learn to meditate.
    2. Look at your wife, yet remain detached. how you ask? Well somehow...
    3. Look at your mother now with the eyes of a baby-just like when you were born. She will understand.
    4. look at your M.I.L's eyes with a helpless look. She too will understand.
    5. Buy your S.I.L. some new slippers and frocks. they will surely understand.
    6. Who remains? father and father in Law aa? They drink aa ? If they drink only milk then they will understand slowly.
    If they drink xxx and all that you are through!!!
    How's my idea???
    At least try and see...man.
    Isabeku Iddu Jayeesa Beku...
    SRi.Sri. Purandaradasa told for the same reason.
    Nowadays all Sri Si's going in helicopter for same reason. No one wants to 'Eeju'..i.e.swim...All want to fly! Is it not?

    DisAgree [5] Agree [12] Reply Report Abuse

  • noname, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Bhandumam,

    Thanks for your tips. That is helpful.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [1] Reply Report Abuse

  • Santan Mascarenhas, Kinnigoli/Mumbai

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Noname, Mangalore
    Olidare naari, munidare maari, this nagging is an inborn quality of some women, which no counseling is going to help. You are not alone, there are many who are going thru this problem. I know some couples who had undergone 4 months part time "Marriage preparation course" at St. Mary's in Mumbai and asked them how that helped in day to day married life, some said it is of no use with their wives. However, you can go with your wife for counseling in KMC, Wenlock if it is there or in Social Service dept of Govt or some Christian service centers.

    If this does not help, "Aikava Jagasa, Karava Manasa" in Marathi meaning listen to everybody, but act according to your conscience.
    Taking our own life for such people is not worth, hence, show you are busy and take it easy.

    DisAgree Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • JL, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Dear Jossey...so also Boys mother and siblings should not interfere in the Boys married life and accept the new bride as their own and let them live peacefully. It can be both ways and this applies to the girls family also many a times.

    DisAgree [1] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • William Rodrigues, Milagres, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Many advises and many comments. All said and done, the real truth only Divakar Pai knew....

    DisAgree [2] Agree [20] Reply Report Abuse

  • richard monis, shakthinagar

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    for the above case, councelling is the best way to come out from the problems.divakar may not having that much support FROM HIS FLY and took extreme step. R.I.P

    DisAgree [4] Agree [8] Reply Report Abuse

  • Imtiaz, mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    coward act,,..suicide was not d solution......counselling could have solved the matter or explaining things to her in a way she could take it wud hve saved his life...well now its too late.....

    DisAgree [4] Agree [10] Reply Report Abuse

  • Joe Gonsalves, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    IS THIS AN IN-LAW PROBLEM? In any case for the future guidance of young couples. ...ONCE THEY ARE MARRIED IT IS BEST THAT THE IN-LAWS DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THEIR DAY TO DAY LIFE.

    In this case damage has been done. Perhaps when any grave situations arise, it is best that they go to councilors to find guidance.

    JG

    DisAgree [2] Agree [14] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    First they 'Strike a Chord'
    Into each other's 'Heart Prod'
    Get Married with 'Minds Broad'
    Then strike each other 'With a Rod'!
    Now what shall sing the Bard??

    DisAgree [17] Agree [5] Reply Report Abuse

  • jacintha, middle east

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    I don't think either parent wishes to harm the peace/home of their child. Advice both will give, but processing it usefully is the key. The man/woman should tap the wisdom within.

    DisAgree Agree [11] Reply Report Abuse

  • Jossey Saldanha, Mumbai

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    After marriage the girls mother should stop interfering or meddling in her daughters home ...

    DisAgree [8] Agree [126] Reply Report Abuse

  • Well wisher, Udupi

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Mr. Jossey,
    You are amazing ,you deliberately comment stupidly you have shown it this time, this may be one of a case in one thousand but mostly it's the boys mother who should shut up for everyone's good and peace.

    DisAgree [72] Agree [18] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Sir Jossey and Well wisher....
    Now,we all know what you have gone through in life.......
    It happens in almost all cases. Just a case of maintaining balance...that's all....

    DisAgree [8] Agree [31] Reply Report Abuse

  • Jossey Saldanha, Mumbai

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Well Wisher, do you mean people click on agree/disagree stupidly

    DisAgree [7] Agree [30] Reply Report Abuse

  • R.Bhandarkar, Mangaluru

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Some Sir Jossey....
    agree/disagree stupidly
    Sometimes with Soro and Idly..
    Sometimes idly
    Sometimes candidly
    Sometimes knowingly
    Sometimes blindly
    Sometimes lovingly(like in my case)
    Sometimes seeing name only(again my case)
    Sometimes smartly.....
    Last but not least...
    Having Sixty Or Ninety....

    It takes all kinds to Press Jossey
    You Agree or Disagree?

    DisAgree [13] Agree [20] Report Abuse

  • Lydia Lobo, Kadri

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    Agree - provided, his mother and sisters accept her as a daughter, not daughter-in-law.

    DisAgree [15] Agree [17] Reply Report Abuse

  • JD , middle east

    Fri, Feb 27 2015

    The girl's mother is good enough to raise the girl till marriage, she turns to be a demon afterwards, is it?
    Hello, don't generalize. If a girl is good enough to be a wife/mother, she has been raised well by her mother.

    DisAgree [2] Agree [7] Reply Report Abuse


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