Mangalore: Where is my mother - or her grave? - asks Agnes Fernandes

By John B Monteiro

Pics: Dayanand Kukkaje
Daijiworld Media Network - Mangalore

Mangalore, Aug 5: Mothers have been worshipped by children down the ages. According to William Thackeray, English novelist, mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of children. And Coleridge, also English novelist, says:

A mother is a mother still,
The holiest thing alive.

But in the case of Agnes Fernandes, she has not seen her mother from birth and is now, after 82 years, she has come all the way from Australia in quest of her long-lost mother – or at least her grave. But the story should start at the beginning as related by Dr Michael Lobo, Mangalorean Catholic community’s historian and genealogist, who got me involved in what could be an hopeful quest – with help from readers. Over to Dr Lobo.

In January this year I received an email communication from a lady in Australia named Donette Firkins. She was writing on behalf of her mother, who was born in Mangalore in 1931. Shortly after her birth, she was entrusted to the care of St Antony’s Charitable Institutions – and she was baptized there with the name Agnes Fernandes.

Some months later she was adopted by a Tamil Christian couple from Pondicherry, who had settled in Singapore. For the first four decades of her life she was based at Singapore, but in the early 1970s, along with her husband (Punjabi Sikh) and six daughters (born between 1954 and 1963) she migrated to Perth, Australia. The family has since been based there.

It was not until the year 1969 that she had an opportunity to visit the city of her birth (it should be noted that travelling was a great deal more time-consuming in those days than it is in these). Accompanied by her husband and her youngest daughter Donette, she stayed at Moti Mahal, then the leading hotel in the city. Though Mangalorean by birth, she did not know a soul, but she cherished a hope to learn something about her real mother.

As it happened, an elderly nun, then serving at St Antony’s Charitable Institutions (or perhaps at the neighbouring Convent of the Infant Mary) was able to recall the circumstances in which she was left at the home. She was aware of the identity of Agnes’s biological mother, and mentioned that she was in the domestic service of the headmaster of one of the schools in the area. She even went as far as to try to arrange a meeting between mother and daughter. The mother initially agreed to meet the daughter whom she had never seen in 38 years, but later felt emotionally overwhelmed and was unable to go ahead with the meeting. Agnes thereupon returned to Singapore.

Another 44 years have since elapsed – 44 years in which Agnes never again set foot in the town of her birth. Till today, that is. In a final attempt to know something about her biological roots, Agnes, accompanied by her daughter Persine, is currently on a visit to Mangalore.

Ever since I first heard from Donette some months ago, I have been making some attempts to unearth information. In the baptismal register at St Antony’s Charitable Institutions, Agnes’s mother’s name is entered as Monti Fernandes, but there is no corresponding entry under the father’s name. Her godmother’s name is entered as Santana Souza, but there is no corresponding entry under godfather.

At the time of Agnes’s birth in 1931, her mother Monti may have been a young girl of about 20. If alive today, she would be about 100 or even more. Naturally, it is too much to hope that she may still be alive, but if any reader of this article can provide any clue that may help in identifying her, Agnes would be extremely grateful. It is her dearest wish to locate her mother’s grave and pay her last respects to the woman who brought her into this world. And possibly to meet any of her relations.

It will not be an easy task. The most significant point from which enquiries may proceed is the fact that in the late 1960s she was in the domestic service of a headmaster of a school, probably in the Jeppu area. The headmaster had a couple of young children, whom Monti was looking after. Agnes has the impression that the headmaster was named Francis Lobo, but this name may be incorrect, as I have met quite a few elderly teachers who were in service in the 1960s and they cannot recall any headmaster by this name.

Agnes and her daughter Persine are currently staying at the Gateway Hotel, Mangalore. They also plan to visit Goa and Cochin, and will be returning to Perth from Cochin on August 16th. If any reader can provide them with encouraging news before they depart for Australia, that would indeed be wonderful – and even if something positive emerges in the months to come, they are fully prepared to come back to Mangalore on a fresh visit.

Going beyond Dr Lobo, the most likely sources would be the descendants of the aforesaid headmaster, specially his children to whom she was governess, and grandchildren colleagues or students of the headmaster, his neibhours, the godmother mentioned above and her descendants. The possibilities are limitless and hope lives eternal in the human breast.

I met Agnes and her daughter at Milagres on Sunday. She was affusive about the helping nature of Mangaloreas, starting with Dr Lobo who has been driving the visiting duo around the city in his ancient Ambassador. My wife told them about St. Antony, the finder of lost things and escorted Agnes to his shrine at Milagres. Though married to a Sikh, the children were given the choice of religion when they turned adults and they have opted to be Christians. Agnes believes the promise of the Book Mathew 11-7: “Ask, and it shall be given; seek, ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

Agnes and her daughter are knocking on our doors. Should we send them back without realizing their cherished dream?

I would be happy to hear about leads or definite information on L 2484051 or M 98862 76608 or email: monteirojohn@hotmail.com