Jun 20, 2009

John Gray’s Men from Mars Women from Venus”, Tim F LaHaye’s “I love you but why are we so different”, Andrew Hacker’s “MisMatch the growing gulf between Women and men”, Samuel Shem and Janet Sury’s “We have to talk, healing dialogues between men and women”, all these books reveal the psychological differences that arise between men and women and also provide a concrete solution to these problems.

“Love Sucks”, “I will never understand him/her’, “He/She has his/her own silly ways”, “He/She is crazy’, “He/She will never understand me whatsoever I do”, these are the common phrases used when our girlfriends/ wife’s (boyfriends/husbands) do not act the way we desire. Failing to understand the psychological differences present between men and women, can result in colossal problems.

Men and Women are anatomically, temperamentally and psychologically different. The psychological differences are well evident to our eyes. The temperamental and psychological differences although evident, often are ignored. It is imperative to note that failing to understand these differences can profoundly influence our relationship, leading to divorces, loss of a close friend or even cold war between colleagues.

Recognizing, Understanding, thinking and acting skillfully is very important in any relationship, Failing to understand these differences can lead to frustration, tension, discord, grudge, covetousness, ego, ultimately leading to a desperate life. I have tried to understand these differences through my personal expeierence and penned down for the benefit of others.

Thinking: can be defined as the ability of an individual to process information and generate meaningful results.

Men: “Global Thinkers” is the apt idiom that can be used for men. At any given point of time, men think about assorted issues bothering them, the foremost being the most important problem bothering them. Therefore sometimes you notice that even though you await a reply for your question, he never responds. This is because he is busy thinking about some other problem. Women misunderstand this act of men by thinking that he is “ignorant” or “does not care for me” This flares up a fight. It is important to note that men are independent thinkers; they like to sit aloof and think when bogged down in a problem rather than sharing it.

Women: “Regional Thinkers” is the apt dialect that can be used for women. Even though their problems are similar to men, they have a unique ability of effectively taking part in a lively conversation, keeping aside challenging problems bothering them. They always like to share their problems and also comfort men when they are hooked up in a problem by giving advice. However this is not accepted by men and therefore they term women as “Nosy” or “all knowledgeable” (acerbically).

Scientifically it has proved that women have better memory than men. This fact is evident when a relationship breaks, women are capable of explaining those moments you (men) have hurt her either through words or action. Most of these times men won’t even remember those incidents.

Men on the other hand are not serious thinkers. Many a time’s men play pranks over their loved one for enjoyment, but women take it seriously resulting in a negative impact over their relationship. If a woman is capable of identifying the serious and joking part of a man, thinking seriously about the serious part and ignoring the joking part, then I am sure very few complications will arise in a relationship. But most of the time it is not easy to identify the serious and joking part of men. Generally action oriented activities are serious while blabbering is for fun, but it always need not be true.

Emotional Feelings: A relationship begins proceeds and ends with a lot of emotional activities. Emotions are a sentimental state of consciousness in which like, hate, love, sorrow, fear is camouflaged. Men and Women in a relationship handle emotions uniquely. To explain emotional feelings I have considered a scenario of an archetypal love relationship.

Men: When a man feels that he likes a lady, his journey of love begins. He waits for the day when she will say “Yes” to him. Few lucky guys like me receive that “Yes” within a few hours, and others may have to wait longer. Initially, when men are just into a relationship, their emotions are hovering high. Petty activities of hers make him so happy. As days pass his emotional response to activities pertaining to relationship start decreasing and within 6 to 8 months, a woman may feel that he rarely gets excited (not all cases). The reason behind this is that during this tenure of 6 to 8 months, physical relationship will have taken place and he feels that there is nothing more exciting left in this relationship. This loss of interest is the beginning of “Separation”. Separations does not take place in one or two days but after few months it does take place. During these few months he is still emotionally stable. When the day, he breaks up, he continues to be emotionally stable for a week or two, but after that his emotions crash down and he begins to recollect all the good epoch he spent with her”. He moves into a state of acute depression and tries to go back to his lover, but it will be too late.

Women: Calm, Compose, Patient, Late reaction and whole hearted love are some of the key characteristic features present in a woman. Men need to know that the emotional cycle of women are opposite to that of men. Women take a long time to fall in love. Initially their emotions are low because they are not sure about the qualities that the boy possesses; note that this is the period when men have their emotions at its peak.  After 6 to 8 months women get to know the boy well and their emotional feelings towards him increases to a great extent, while for men it is slowly decreasing. This period of time is like a “Push pull train”, men try to push the women far while women try to pull the men closer. Soon she will come to know that he no longer likes her and they move into the phase of Separation. During the break up, for the first two weeks women has her emotions crashed down but after that she picks her broken pieces and decides to live a stable life.

Conclusion: Although other psychological differences are present I think, emotional feelings and thoughts are the most important to understand. Every relationship does not sail in this path, but most of them do. The following tips could be used for leading a better relationship.

Be Patient- During moments of distress do not make decisions.

Hasty decisions- Take time to think again before you declare your final decision

Anger- When your partner is angry, give him/her time to settle down. Do not take his/her words seriously when spoken in anger.

Tranquil:  Be calm when he/she makes a wrong decision. Correcting him/her immediately often flares up a fight. Instead you can wait till the right opportunity arises.

Fault Finding: Never criticize him/her by finding faults. It hurts the most.

Respect: Every person is unique; respect each other’s views without mocking.

Culpability: Be ready to accept blame, even though you are not at fault. This helps in solving tribulations swiftly

Appreciation: Achievements big or small need to appreciated, make it a point to appreciate your partner’s achievement.

Honesty: Be honest with your loved one, even though you have done something wrong

Finally, This article is written based on my experience, I am sure each one of you have had similar experiences, I hope and wish this articles serves as a guide to each one of you. I would like to thank my office staff for providing meaningful information about women’s feelings and thoughts.