Fatal Attraction: The Teenage Love Story

  •   Sat, Apr 20 2024
  •   By Ankith S Kumar

April 20, 2024

To be young and in love is a beautiful feeling. Romance is an exciting phase for every teenager. There would be hardly anyone who was never touched by love during their teen years. The feeling of butterflies in the stomach, the blushes, that electrifying feeling, that amazing sense of being loved and wanted, the urge to express and experience the relationship with the opposite sex, all these are a natural process and part of being a teenager. Teens start feeling attracted to the opposite sex, they develop a sense of need for attention and affection. Curving for sexual pleasures and exploring their sexuality all are normal characteristics of a teenager. No matter how much the parents or the teens themselves try to suppress the urge to avoid getting into a romantic relationship it is always very difficult to fight against nature. Love is a primitive emotion that cannot be subdued by any form of advancement. Everyone will have attraction towards the other, the only difference is that some will acknowledge it and some done, but the cupid will strike all.

Love – the most misunderstood

As I mentioned earlier, every teen will have a phase where he or she will be attracted to someone and want to be in a romantic relationship. There is no denying that a boy and a girl will be sexually active and will seek romantic interaction as nature intended. There was a time earlier when teenage love was cute and divine. There was a sense of loyalty and understanding. There was fear and respect for each other. People used to know and follow the boundaries they set for each other in relationships. There was beautiful communication between each other and lovemaking was an act of divinity and pure communication. There was no vulgarity in the relationship. But as we have evolved into the environment that we see today, with the advancement and easy accessibility of the internet and the uncensored content in OTTs and media, today's teens have misunderstood the true essence of love and romance. Today, love has become more of an obsession, dominance and vulgar. The boys and girls are getting addicted to each other to the extent that they are showing the same kind of withdrawal symptoms as a drug addict. The age at which the boys and girls are sexually maturing has also dropped lower than that was 20 years earlier. As a professional counsellor, I have noticed that teens nowadays suffer more from emotional and relationship problems than compared to academic problems.

The alarming trend

Being in a relationship or having a boyfriend and girlfriend is seen as a kind of status symbol or right of passage for teens. Teens get into relationships as a way to escape loneliness or fulfil their urges. The lack of attention and emotional connection from the family makes the teen seek attention from their peer groups. The casualness with which the teens treat the act of sex is also very alarming as many do not understand the risks involved. The teens getting sexually involved with multiple partners and practising unsafe sex, casual hookups and orgies are on the rise. The idea that many teens think that temporary attraction and sexual urges are true love has made many teens suffer from severe mental illness and problems at the time of the breakup. Some teens have gone to the extent of self- harming and seeking revenge on the person who broke up with them. I have seen teen destroying their lives and their families because of the obsession they had with the person they were attracted to. Some teens get into toxic relationships and completely lose their freedom and individuality. In the name of showing trust, they are made to share their social media passwords with their so-called lovers and their entire daily routine is dictated by their partners. The surprising part is that even though the teen knows that the relationship is bad and toxic for him or her, they still are unable to get out of it

either fearing a harsh reaction from the partner or just because they are so used to the abuse that they become addicted to it. The teens have accepted that being abused by their partner is a part of a relationship. They completely surrender themselves to their partner and end up losing their self- respect and freedom. I have come across so many cases of teenagers where their misunderstanding about love and relationships has made them go through a hell of unnecessary suffering.

Yes, Love may be blind, but don’t let it be foolish

Let us understand that teenage love is primarily based on hormones and does not consider logic or maturity of thinking. Attraction is a natural response that every teen will have. There may be exceptional cases of less than 2 per cent of teenage lovers getting married after they become adults. The majority of them end up broken or abusive. Through this article what I want to tell the teens is:

1. Don’t do anything permanently stupid, because of temporary emotions
2. Remember, your self-respect is more important than love
3. There is a difference between just having sex and making love. Having sex is just to satisfy the urges whereas making love is a way of expressing love.
4. Love is not life. It is just a small part of your life
5. Remember, nothing/ no one is permanent, so don’t lose yourself trying to make someone stay with you.
6. There is no perfect relationship, only perfect moments in a relationship
7. Understand the difference between infatuation and love – both are not some
8. Learn to be comfortable alone, that way you will not be desperate to be relationship
9. First Love yourself – This way your partner can never make you feel inadequate and emotionally blackmail you.
10. Never be emotionally dependent on anyone. Be ready to let go of the ones you love the most too. Because you never know when they will stop loving you
11. Don’t send chats or pics to your partner that may be used against you in future in case you have a fight or break up.
12. Never compromise on your privacy. Don’t share all your secrets with your so-called teen partner until you are sure that he or she is the one you will be spending your life with.
13. Do not tolerate disrespect from your partner no matter how much you love him or her
14. Be careful when it comes to sexual activities with your partner. Every act has consequences
15. You can only decide on control how much love you can give to your partner but you can never choose how much your partner will love you. So don’t keep unrealistic expectations.
16. Know your worth. Don’t settle for just anyone. You can't drink poison just because you are thirsty.
17. Treat your body like a divine temple. Don’t treat it like dirty pavement where anyone can just walk all over it.
18. Love is a two-way traffic where both parties must put in the same effort.
19. Never send nudes or sensitive personal materials over the phone on social media.
20. Identify the red flags and walk out of the relationship.
21. When the time comes to choose between your self-respect and love, always choose self- respect.
22. Yes, a breakup can be painful, but remember, this pain too shall pass. It is better to be in pain for a few days than for the rest of your life. So, when you feel that he or she is not the right one, end it even though it's painful.
23. Remember, the real value of a relationship will be known only when you start paying your own bills. As a student, you will never understand true love.
24. Understand the difference between fantasy and reality. Love relationships will not always be smooth and lovely. It will be harsh and cruel sometimes. If you want the roses, you will also need to deal with their thorns
25. Priorities, priorities and priorities – always know your priorities. Never make anyone more important than yourself.

Dear teens, just know that nothing is more valuable than peace of mind and self-respect. Anything that harms our peace of mind and respect should be thrown out of our lives. So have patience, understand your priorities and choose wisely. Remember, you are loved. Take care.

 

 

 
By Ankith S Kumar
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Comment on this article

  • Savita, Mangalore

    Tue, Apr 30 2024

    Sir thank you so much fortaking your precious time. In your this article you have put your tremendous effort in capturing small small things which looks to be normal but very crucial when it comes to feelings. Having self-knowledge about love and getting educated about the love from parents or elders is two different things. It's very important that we as parents must not hesitate in imparting knowledge about life to our teens in their language. As Sir has rightly mentioned in his article that love is not always smooth going there are ups & downs and mentally preparing to face this dilemma is need of an hour. The present generation kids are very sensitive. Daily we come across so many cases of sucidial attempt by teenagers and they end their life just because they can't face rejections or love failure. In this circumstances parents act as educated literate who can uphold so many stress at their work place but can't educate their kids who are their responsibility to educate about love, relationship and life. This article is an alarming sign for the mentors, parents , teachers and guardians of this teenagers who has to be at par in playing their role in building strong foundation about relationship amongst present generation teenagers.Thank you Sir for this article , which is an eye opener for all the responsible citizens.

  • Roshan, Mangalore

    Mon, Apr 22 2024

    Love and desires both are biological. Without which this planet would not have progressed. A child in animal kingdom, is mostly and largely protected by a mothers love. Desires getting beyond self control and social justice, is actually the threat. As a teenager, mind works like winning the world and having ownership of all resources. Teenagers knowing the boundaries on their own is possibly the easier way. In earlier decades, kids used to see their parents working hard for meals, there was also a social commitment to each other. Now, including parents, all are in their own isolated world, with mobiles. When teenage love stories will continue. These days some may end up like short stories, with many chapters. There will few also turning to fatal. As girls largely are victims, society must learn find a way to protect them, without infringing their rights.

  • Shubhalakshmi, Mangalore

    Sun, Apr 21 2024

    Title itself says everything. As a mother of a teen I find this timely article to share with my son.

  • Daniel, Mangalore

    Sat, Apr 20 2024

    Very good guidance!! Following more on How to control desires for teens and adults also... Short video on why to avoid fornication, even adultery, their consequences, and how to overcome (11 min)... https://youtube.com/watch?v=l6elxQmzgTs


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