September 14, 2024 

‘Getting angry?’ Is it good or bad?  If I pose the question this way, most of you will answer, ‘getting angry is really bad’.  But I would like to affirm that getting angry need not be bad at all. It may also be good and sometimes necessary.  See for example, Jesus getting angry when he saw business activity of buying and selling in the temple premises!  He was so angry that he toppled the tables of forex officers and drove away the vendors who sold animals. It is said that even God got angry on Sodom and Gomorrah in the Old Testament and burned down the cities. It means getting angry could be right.   The next question is, if anger is good, why do we get annoyed at the people who get angry with us or why do we fail to get angry when we see corruption, rape and murder of innocent persons. Nowadays, the parents hardly get angry with their children and even sometimes appreciate them when they do something wrong.  The parents should get angry when the children do wrong, we call it ‘assertive anger’, which we express in a controlled and constructive way, highlighting the mistake or the wrong done, but at the same time without offending them or hurting the personality of the children. They should realise that they have done really wrong and should not repeat it again, at the same time they should realise that their parents really love them and hence they have corrected them so that they avoid such behaviour. Not only with your children, is sometimes it good to get angry with yourself, so that the best in you manifests itself. 

This shows that there can be different types of anger, the aggressive anger is an outburst of the emotion of anger in an uncontrolled manner that can become offensive resulting in breaking of relationships and generating hatred and vengeance that can last long. There is still another way of expressing anger, namely, you get angry but you have no way of manifesting it externally, as when a subordinate gets angry with the superior. So, you show the anger in a passive way, by speaking against your boss, criticising him behind the back, gossiping and making stories about him etc.  This way you show the anger against the person   you are angry with, may be through character assassination or by working for his downfall. 

Both these types of anger can have monumental negative repercussions and a chain of unethical activities. We observe it before our own eyes. One bad word uttered in a fit of anger can give rise to chain of arguments with filthy expressions; one murder committed in anger can give rise to series of murders, disseminating   hatred, jealousy and threats. 

 The Anger Problem and its Management

Having said so much in general, let me turn to something particular, namely, the anger problem. The anger as we know is an emotion and it is a fact that all of us get angry. But letting the anger to go out of control is harmful to life. When anger becomes uncontrollable, we have to suffer. The pathological anger can bring us several problems. It can ruin our relationships, destroy our friendships and obstruct growth in our career.  Hence anger management is important and here psychology can be of great help to us.

The Anger Management

Why anger management?  The purpose is to avoid saying or doing things that you will later regret. Managing your anger involves developing the skills necessary to successfully take care of yourself, express yourself reasonably, maintain a positive outlook and build up resilience against frustration.  For this, you need to understand how anger management technique works. As a first step you need to observe and perceive the factors involved in triggering angry responses and then as a second step learn to break the anger cycle.

Generally, anger triggers when something happens that annoys you or upsets you. Then the negative thoughts find their way in, which further upset your feelings, and only then you begin to experience physical symptoms of anger which could be facial changes, sweating, eye balls become red, shaking etc. etc. All these lead to violent reactions like shouting, arguing, lashing out, use of abusive language and the like.  

One exercise which all can do is to rework on the event of anger later on, when you are in a good mood to work on your anger.  First, write down the negative thoughts that came to you before you got angry; second, reflect how you feel now when you recollect them; third, reflect how your mind got distorted; fourth just measure the intensity of this thought on a scale from zero to ten.  This exercise should help you to bring your anger under control next time. Do it every time after the event of angry reaction passes away; soon you yourself will observe the transformation in your behaviour.

Besides, some change in your life style will make your conduct more sober and suave. Just note the points below:

1.  Intensify your relationships intentionally:  Positively make it a point to be more social, discuss problems, emotions and upheavals with your life-partner, friends and dear ones. This can attenuate your anger problem and be able to manage your emotion more reasonably. Spending more time with persons who matter to you can make life more meaningful and increase your resistance power.

2. Exercise and sports:  We all know how well the sports and games bring down our anxiety, stress and negative feelings; do some exercise every day like walking, running and working in the garden and exerting your bodily muscles.

3.  Consuming good food:  When you eat well and see that you digest what you eat, can result in stronger physical energy and good health which is bound to provide a stimulus to think rationally and use your brain and energy in a constructive manner.

4. Deep Breathing: There are so many effective exercises of deep breathing, learn and practice regularly some of them and you can positively work on your emotions and activate your nervous system making yourself more resilient to the challenges of ups and downs of life and daily vicissitudes.  

Pleas know, these are not esoteric suggestions but common principles of healthy and effective living, which you can master and make your life happy and joyful.

By yielding to your anger often, it can become a habit and you overreact to even minor issues due to your inability to manage your emotions. Hence it is important to identify the triggers that cause emotional upheavals and learn to manage them. It is possible to manage anger in whatever state you are if you recognise your lack of control over anger as your shortcoming and if you determine to work on it.