December 30, 2024

Last twenty years Teresa had her heart and soul set on doing only one thing: raising up her two kids. Their school, their lessons, their activities and facilitating their studies and programmes took away all her time. But when the last kid left home to reside in the hostel for his graduate studies, her life became totally empty. She found that her time does not move at all, in spite of her determination to clean up the house, flower garden and participation in the gatherings connected with women activities. Finally, she decided to go on a tour, that too alone, just to rediscover herself – she was actually dodging with a spirit of rejuvenation. She went to Goa spent time in the seashores, beeches – met people of multiple hues then she flew to North, to a hill station in Nainital.  Learnt to refresh herself with the beauty of Himalayas, lakes and tourist spots of adventurous pathways. She found herself rejuvenated, refreshed and recuperated. She returned fully equipped psychologically and spiritually to face life challenges squarely.

This is an example of how we can overcome the so called “midlife crisis”, convert it into an opportunity to rejuvenate ourselves.  Teresa reconnected herself with her adventurous spirit. Teresa’s midlife crisis became less about loss and more about rediscovery, proving that a new chapter could be just as exciting as the previous one. It is just a process of re-evaluating our lives which can lead to self-discovery and growth.

The age gap between 40 and 60 years brings with it to a large number of people a period of emotional turmoil or an existential crisis leading to deeper introspection and re-evaluation as well as self-evaluation of their lives.. Though not universal, still many are invariably challenged with a phenomenon, named as ‘midlife crisis’.  There begins spontaneously a process of questioning life choices, the worth and significance all that has been achieved, and even the very purpose of life itself.  It could even be a period of turmoil, doubts, uncertainties and confusion leading to emotional upheavals, regrets, and even fears about the future.

Comprehend life well

We are aware that many long-range flights generally take an interim stop. They come down to refuel the aircraft and then take off again.  Our human body too sometimes demands refuelling and rejuvenation, so that it can take off again its life journey more efficaciously. If we can have a positive approach to the so called ‘midlife crisis’ and take it as a normal phenomenon of life, anybody can just face the brunt and come out peacefully, and hence any extreme negative reaction is not called for.   If taken in the right spirit as a challenging stage of life, no counter effects need to be envisaged.     

Still, as observers of these people, we can ask why does this happen? Why this is named as a ‘crisis’ to which even the learned psychologists acquiesce in?   The simple cause of the entire phenomenon can be seen as a simple law of life, which affirms that ups and downs in it are inevitable. The upward trend of achievements and successes is never absolute and  having reached its upper limit, the downward trend must commence inevitably. But many forget this law and others do not accept it and as a result, instead of finding means and ways to cope with it, they resist and attempt to react to it through wrong ways, and hence get into existential crisis. Others, who inherit a strong ego, are unable to accept failures, loss and humiliations and hence get into the same rut. You won consecutively three elections now you think yourselves invincible, but alas, defeat embraces you so unexpectedly and you are lost. This is because you are not able to accept the contingency of your own ego. 

External signs of midlife crisis

The dawn of crisis is manifested externally through manifold symptoms and signs. A gradual change in moods, erratic and unexpected behavioural reactions and movements, gloomy silence, regret and feelings of frustration become visible. Some times change in life and speech style can also be seen; unreasonable and impulsive decisions are taken; the blame game becomes conspicuous, even tendencies towards revenge and vengeance appear, the language becomes more and more critical, moods change quickly and emotional instability manifests openly; disinterest in social engagements is shown; all these clearly show the so called ‘midlife crisis’ is in the offing or already set in.

How to swallow the bitter pill?

An unexpected illness, a shocking fiscal loss, an unwanted defeat, failure or humiliation, a painful rejection and the like are not easy to face.  It appears that the downfall has set in that demands a response of courage and valour, a strong determination and even physical and mental stamina to withstand the plight and look towards the future calmly and patiently.  Never consider your current plight as a ‘crisis’ but an opportunity to begin again, to refresh your goals and reset your mind.  Discover new avenues of life, new pathways which may be more difficult but provide greater hope. With a positive outlook you can emerge as a new hero in your field of life engagements. If you yield to crisis and surrender your hopes, certainly you are anticipating your own doom.    

The next question is how can the bitter pill be ‘digested’? Those who know that the midlife crisis can make its impact in their thinking and life orientation and hence anticipate it,  become wise by preparing themselves psychologically  to  adjust themselves, knowing well that the phase of life is transitory and passing. Such persons can analyse their situation, and reorient and readapt themselves and can come out of the phase smoothly and quickly. The best way to cope with the situation even if it means a crisis, is to accept life and its woes, with a calm mind and start a thorough patient analysis of the entire situation from different angles. Instead of being rash and upset, go into a solitude, take time to introspect and accept the reality of current crisis with fortitude. To take a period of time for yourself and reexamine your life and envisage the new challenges and opportunities coolly and patiently can certainly help you to turn over a new leaf. Life always offers positive avenues if you are ready to sacrifice and undergo a new phase of hard work and toil. Refrain from negative thinking and acting impulsively, overcome sadness and emotional impulses by deeper introspection and by taking even external help like counselling and undergoing a thorough medical checkup. Listen to your inner self, listen to your body and observe your own thoughts. Slowly you will begin a new phase of life. You will come out with renewed vigour and mental strength.

The new beginning

Most important point to be highlighted clearly, namely, a return to normal life with renewed determination and clear goals. The time for reassessing and reconfirming life goals should be followed by a return to the daily routine and commitment to regular tasks. The break may be necessary but should not be too long. Begin vigorously to reconnect with your social engagements, career involvement and community as well as family commitments. Begin your regular schedule of exercises and good habits. Pursue your reformulated goals with a clearly set plan. You will certainly commence a new stage of rejuvenated life journey joyfully and fully contented.

The gender factor

Last but not the least, is the ‘gender factor’.  The psychologists have made a clear gender distinction in the midlife crisis. Men they say are more worried about unachieved and unattained career goals, concern for age related issues, and physical disabilities, and as a response to that they may make an external show of a new venture into business or career goal, a new residence or the purchase some luxury branded items.  

Women on the other hand may face the negative reactions due to menopause and consequent physical variants, and be concerned more over their identity; they may attempt to rebuild their social image and aim at enhancing their career status as a coping strategy.