Home: A Haven of Rest or just a Lodging?

  •   Mon, May 18 2026
  •   By Perdita Hilda D'Silva

May 18, 2026

“Home”, a word so loving to the heart, not just a place but a bundle of love, comfort and belonging, a place where stories begin, memories are made and where you can be your true self. Home is a haven of love and peace, a place of rest where a person's story begins, story gains colour and story that ends. Oliver Holmes rightly expresses the magic of Home as “Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave but not our hearts”. If we want solace, home is ultimately the place where we are loved and cherished. 

The point of writing on “Home” is a reflection on how individuals are nurtured and mentored to live in society as responsible citizens practising the principle “Live and let live”. As a teacher, a mother and grandmother, when I read, analyse and reflect on the happy and sad happenings around us, I am more than convinced that home is where you create disciplined, humane personalities with the role of environment minimal. If killings, bombings, rapes, abuse, corruption, destruction, cruelty are everyday happenings in our so called progressive society, the individuals behind are psychopaths and sociopaths, the products of broken families. Can we blame these people who have not tasted any love and care, have only witnessed violence and abuse? Often when there is rape and sexual abuse, we emphasise on death sentence or capital punishment. If a rapist or abuser goes to the gallows without any remorse, sadness or a sense of guilt, is the purpose really served? If we fail to give the children a secure, loving home when one is sent to the gallows, some more psychopaths, sociopaths are ready for more heinous crimes. That’s why Dr Abdul Kalam rightly said that the solution to all evils in society is the high chair of a child at home, not the electric chair in prison. Open the windows of a school to close the doors of a prison, he said. 

Before further reflections, another question, to all of us is - Are our houses or homes places of lodging to the inmates? Is there any conversation between family members or happy lunch, dinner times? Do our teenagers use their homes as places of boarding and lodging only? Technology, social media, advances in science have killed intimacy in many homes today. Children are sent messages by mothers when lunch and dinner is ready, as children are behind closed doors of their rooms. They have no time for their parents and aged grandparents. Communication is almost zero between family members.

There was a time when progress was limited, poverty was prevalent. But joint families and almost community living made small structures happy homes. Entertainment was meeting people, spending time, communicating, sharing and recreating. Of course, social problems did exist but the elders took care of them and protected the youngsters. Community living itself imposed unspoken ethical norms in society. Today, it is progress, nuclear families and formal relationships  of course, not in every family. Broken homes, often resulting from divorce, separation or high conflict environments subject children to deep psychological, emotional and social struggles. Main problems include anxiety, depression, lower academic performance and long term behavioural issues. 

Common types of broken dysfunctional homes 

  • Violent abusive homes marked by abuse - physical, mental, verbal and sexual
  • Conflict driven homes with members always arguing and resenting each other.
  • Addiction filled homes where one or more parents struggle with alcohol and drug addiction.
  • Neglectful homes where parents just don’t care for physical and emotional needs of children.
  • Authoritarian family with very strict, rigid, controlling parents.
  • Broken homes with divorced/separated parents.

Can we parents, elders, teachers resort to a serious introspection of our families? The reason is, we are the architects of peace and harmony in society in the future. Our biggest responsibility is to give to society, normal, balanced, principled children/people. Creating an environment of love, respect and safety within the four walls of home is our main duty. In the words of Sadhguru, “Our children are the future of this world. It’s not about what we can get out of them. It’s about how we can empower them.” We are the mirrors to children, to look into and reflect on their lives. Are we confident enough to show our best selves in the mirror of life to children to emulate?

So a few reflections on how to create a happy stable home for children with a few principles to follow. The first five years of a child’s life frames his/her personality. Children are blank cheques in our hands. We have to write on these cheques, entire meaning of a fruitful life.

Ellen Fein and Sherie Schneider have suggested a few principles to train children from day one.

  • Don’t be the slave of children. Love need not make parents jump at every whim and fancy of the child.
  • Don’t lie to children. When children question, parents should be truthful. Parents are not on the witness stand. 
  • Family is not a democracy. Be an authoritative parent. Children and parents are not equals.
  • Less is more. Children do demand many things but teaching them value of money and meeting their needs is important.
  • Parents need not back down. While disciplining little children if parents deny them something, they should keep their word.
  • Parents are entitled to their life. Children should be made to understand that parents need their free time too.
  • Let children take responsibility for their actions. Parents need not protect their children 24/7. If children make mistakes let them face the music.
  • It's okay not to like your children sometimes and be angry with them.
  • Finally it is love and love alone, children should taste in their homes. Your child should see in you, a firm parent full of love. He/She should be able to converse freely with you. Love with boundaries of discipline make children secure.

Adolescence is a complex stage for both youngsters and parents. Parents despair over sudden change of behaviour of teenagers. Young boys and girls distance themselves from parents and often treat them as enemies. It is during this turbulent period of young children, parents need to exert much self control and practice patience. Youth do love their home and elders. 

Here, a psychologist George Lawton beautifully explains the expectations of teenagers. 

  • Stand by us, not over us
  • Make us feel we are loved and wanted.
  • Give what we need, not what we desire always
  • Bring us up, so we will not always need you.
  • Don’t humiliate us in front of others.
  • Praise us when we do well or excel
  • Give importance to our opinions even if you don’t like them
  • Give clear answers to our questions
  • Teach us lessons by example
  • Make us feel our home belongs to us
  • Permit us the failings, owning responsibility of our failings
  • Prepare us to lead our life not yours.

Let us respond happily, positively to our teenage children. Pope Francis spoke about the beauty of families in the following words, “Leaders and communities should kneel before families who are a true school of humanity, who are saving society from barbarity.

Finally - If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If he lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with acceptance or friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

Let our homes be havens of peace, joy, love and security to our children.

 

 

 

 

 
By Perdita Hilda D'Silva
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Comment on this article

  • Rita, Germany

    Mon, May 18 2026

    Dear madam ,you have explained well whats a home or a lodge?As for me a home is a place where you have warmth of your dear and near ones,feel secure in middle of your family members.It need not be a big luxury big building with all amenities.Thank you for bring back memories of home and its old sweatness.There happy childhood and all that includes.

  • Renita, Kallianpur/London

    Mon, May 18 2026

    Such a wonderful, thought provoking, insightful and timely article as always. Thank you. This is a great message for everyone

  • Shanthi Quadras, Kundapura

    Mon, May 18 2026

    Truly enjoyed reading this...Well-written and insightful. Yes, home environment is the strongest pillar in our growth.


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