December 31, 2014
Warning: You are reading the following fake news at your own risk.
Pramod Muthalik calls the calendars foreign and demands a ban on them
Sri Ram Sene chief Pramod Muthalik has said that the calendars are foreign and hence they should be banned with immediate effect.
Muthalik speaking to reporters said, "There is no doubt that the calendar is foreign. Otherwise it would not be called a Roman calendar. When I hear the word Roman, I suspect a strong Italic hand. Calendars should be banned in Karnataka as it is governed by Congress government."
When a reporter asked him if he meant 'Italian' when he mentioned 'Italic' hand, Muthalik said "Foreign is foreign, no matter how you call it."
While no political party either condoned or condemned Muthalik's comments on calendar, Bankers association has strongly opposed Muthalik’s moves.
“Muthalik is not only anti calendar, but also anti bank. He knows that only banks give free calendars to its customers for the New Year. Now he wants us to stop this tradition. Calendar is the only gift banks give to customers. Otherwise banks only receive gifts from its customers. Why does he want us to stop this? If calendars are banned as he demanded, then we will send all the calendars by courier to him as chaddis were sent to him some years back." The statement from the association said.
As per recent news, Muthalik has told his followers not to allow courier persons near his house.
Astrologers want Mangalyaan satellite to be called back
A group of astrologers has sought the divine intervention and government’s intercession for calling back the Mars probe.
An astrologer representing the group who did not want his name to be revealed said “We have been completely affected after the probe entered Mars. For generations, we made people to believe that we only knew about planets and the planets controlled the well being of people. Now with the probe being sent to the planet Mars, people have started feeling that planets are accessible to human beings. That in turn has affected our business. If this trend continues, more probes will be sent to planets and stars which will ruin our business as people will not believe us. Our own future is hanging by thread now. Before we guide others on the basis on the movement of planets, we want to see our own planetary conditions improved. Hence we ask the government not to venture into expensive probes in the future which will not benefit anybody. Please call the Mars satellite orbiter back to earth.”
Economy is brooming: Narendra Modi
While there is lot of criticism on the broom culture which Modi introduced to clean India with a clean sweep in the name of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan, Modi who talked less about the issue till now, has come out with a statement at the year end.
“Our economy is brooming because of the broom culture. Opposition was complaining, but I maintained a Manmohan like silence because I wanted the figures before talking. Now the figures have arrived. As per my survey, the broom industry is really on the upsurge. The production has gone up by hundred folds. Every person who participated in clean drive used a new broom. So who says economy is not brooming? People should think before they talk. If we can attain so much of growth in a single industry of brooms only in few months, we can definitely achieve more growth in future. While the broom industry has seen unprecedented growth, the allied industries are also likely to grow. For example ‘garbage industry' has also grown unbelievably. It is a new industry which supplies garbage to the venues of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan when garbage is not easily found."
E-conversions demanded
An anonymous petition received by the prime minister's office has requested the prime minister to implement E-conversion in India.
The petition says 'When people are really tired of conversions taking place throughout the country, be it the first conversion or so called re- conversion, it is better to introduce E-conversion in India. E-conversion is a conversion done electronically where the person to be converted does not go to any place to get converted. In fact he gets converted electronically without any publicity. Then the issue remains private. Unnecessary controversies are also avoided. In the era of emails and e commerce, E conversion is highly recommended. A person can become Hindu, Muslim, Christian of or member of any religion any number of times at his or her will. He or she can do it at click of a mouse without any objections from anybody amid secrecy.’
Khadar fans club requests CM to send Khadar to Australia
After Khadar hit 9 sixes and 3 fours in Bellare in Sullia few days back, his fan club has written a letter to Siddaramaih asking him to send Khadar to Australia.
The fan club president has said “We have sent an email by speed post to Siddaramaih. Our boss hit 9 sixes and 3 fours in just 19 balls which is world record for a politician. Since India is not doing well In Australia, boss can be sent there on politician's quota."
When told nothing like politicians quota existed in cricket, he said “The quota can be created as our boss is a good cricketer. If politician quota is not possible, then he should be sent on health quota."
When reminded that low quality bowlers might have bowled to Khadar in the tournament, he said "The bowling attack in Bellare was better than Australian attack."
Asked about could a politician perform in Australia as a cricketer, he said “Our boss became a health minister only without much wealth in hand. Now with a bat in hand, he can bring glory to India. He is good in everything he does. As he does not have much to perform here with the shortage of doctors, he can be sent to Australia to boost up the spirits of Indian players who are not doing well there. Our boss's presence can fill also the void left by Mahendra Singh Dhoni who has just retired."
Cattle and buffaloes ignored in policy making
Cattle and buffaloes in Mangaluru who have been maintaining silence over years on their plight have come up in open saying they will soon form an association.
"We are forming an association named 'Association of buffaloes and cattle'(ABC) soon. For centuries we have been exploited. So many stories concerning us appear in newspapers and television like cattle trafficking and Kambala. They discuss about us everywhere without involving us. Did anybody ask us about our problems? What is the point in talking about us in our absence? Our opinions should also be sought before any decision is taken related to us. You always availed our services without giving us any credit. Even now we do not want money. But before playing politics in our name, please have the courtesy to consult us. Be human like us. Do not act like animals" said a statement issued by the animals.
J R Lobo to be declared 'Iron man of Mangaluru'
J R Lobo, the MLA for Mangaluru South is most likely to be declared as the first 'Iron man of Mangaluru'.
As per fake reports, Lobo will get the award for his relentless service of inaugurating so many road projects in Mangaluru. The present legislator, who was a civil servant before, has been seen with pick axe during the Guddali pujes everywhere throughout the city throughout the year.
Though all the roads inaugurated were old ones for repair, the achievement shows that he has really cared for the roads and the people who use the roads.
More details on the award are awaited.
Civil servants happy with the court order on Kambala
Civic servants, who have been directed to monitor Kambala races in the coastal district in order to avoid violence in the game, have said that they are happy with the decision. The high court had delivered this order few weeks back.
The civil servants including tahasildars have been attending Kambala race after the court order came. Though this has inconvenienced the public a lot, the civil servants have been enjoying the new postings.
“It is a picnic every day. We like it very much. Game remains the same, venue changes, buffaloes change" said a civil servant with joy.
Asked about the inconvenience caused to people, he said, "Kambala is more important than service to people. That’s why the court decided so. We cannot complain about the court order. We have to follow it."
A political commentator when contacted on the issue said, "May be they need the services of civil servants at Kambala. For the services of people, they may employ other people who are less educated."
Note: All the above incidents which could have taken place in the year of 2014, did not take place at all. Readers and everybody named in the article are advised not to take these 'incidents' seriously.
Have a happy and blessed New Year!