Mangalore: Writer Banu Mustak Calls Upon Beary Women to Rise Against Dowry


Pics: Dayanand Kukkaje
Daijiworld Media Network—Mangalore (RS/CN)

Mangalore, Feb 25: “The dowry system, which is actually not in Islam, has led to a lot of girls in the society staying unmarried and there is a need to think seriously about this issue”, said Banu Mustak, noted writer and advocate, at the valedictory programme of the state-level Beary Women’s Convention held at Town Hall on Thursday February 25.

Speaking on the occasion, Mustak said that in Saudi Arabia the bridegroom has to give money to the bride, which indicates that there is no dowry system in Islam. “But here, we face problems due to the dowry system which has led several girls to remain unmarried”, she said. 







































“The women and youth need to be involved in the abolition of such a practice, else it will adversely affect women in their development”, she said, adding that women in most countries of the world face problems due to attempts to curb their rights, but they overcome issues through timely protests and by fighting for justice.

First Convention Under the Leadership of Beary Academy 

The state-level Beary Women’s Convention organized by Karnataka Beary Academy was appreciated by guests as well as speakers in the discussion sessions.

Sabiha Fatima, supervisor, Sneha Public School, Pakkaladka, writer Shameema Abdulla Kumble, Fatima Nasima, state committee member, National Women’s Federation, and Ayesha U K, president, Muslim Women’s Writers Forum, presented their papers on ‘Women in Literature’. Ruksana, convener of GIO, presided over the session.

In the discussion on ‘Beary Women-Problems and Solutions’, Mariam Shahira, lecturer, VEPU College, Tokkottu, presented the keynote address.  Khairunnisa Syed, secretary, Women’s Counselling, Zaheeda Jaleel, principal, Hira Women’s College, advocate Sayeeda, and Shaheed Tasneem, chief secretary, National Women’s Federation, participated in the discussion.

  

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  • fayaz, sastan/al ain

    Sun, Feb 28 2010

    I am requesting to all the young generation not to ask and accept dowry at any cost.please dont sell yourself.how can you live with lady who brought money for your wedding.so please stop DOWRY SYSTEM

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  • Ilyas Shukoor, Shirva/Abudhabi

    Sun, Feb 28 2010

    The people who have given up dowry, have increased the no. of items in their wedding buffet, if the buffet/lunch stops then the gold demanded by the grooms family increases, if the gold stops, then the demand for other house hold items will increase.

    The bride’s family succumb to the pressure from the demands of the groom’s family just to save their face and honour in their community and society. Therefore it is necessary that we put an end to all the demands made from the groom’s family. It is the groom’s responsibility to take care of the expenses related to the wedding as he is the breadwinner for the family and not the other way round.

    Other wise shariat would have made dowry compulsory instead of mahar. Nikah does not require a hall, lavish buffet, music and video. Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) has told that: perform the ceremony of marriage in the mosque with an announcement. And that nikah is blessed, which is done with simplicity and with the least expense.

    Let the groom take care of marriage, walima and related expenses, without putting any burden on the bride’s family, as it is indeed his responsibility. In order for the above steps to succeed, one and all have to individually and collectively give up the food offered in the ceremony of nikah. My friends and I gave up having the food offered in the ceremony of nikah in the year 1996. Since then we have faced a lot of opposition, more so in the initial years, however by the grace of Allah, the number of people joining us in this noble deed has increased tremendously now.

    I hope and pray to Allah that he helps you and I understand the plight of those parents, who have daughters of marriageable age sitting at home due to their inability to finance the cost of the wedding, of which food is the most prominent.
    I would be happy to hear any comments or clarifications required by the readers. Feel free to contact me at ilyasshukoor@hotmail.com

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  • Abdul salam, mangalore

    Sun, Feb 28 2010

    Dear Anamika yes off course its consider as haram.The dowri means mahr which is the obligatory and husband should be give to wife .but unfortunately today’s our society culture is totally different than the originality.the guys are taking from the women’s guardians and enjoying the life(decorating the home, vedio shooting, etc..) plz go through the following quran verses,
    {And give the women their dowries with a good heart-sura An nisa:4}
    {..so for that pleasure which you have enjoyed from them,give them their prescribed compensation-sura An nisa:24}
    This verse is addressed to the husband because it is their responsibility to pay the dowry.It also could address the guardians, because in pre Islamic jahiliya (and much of todays post Islamic jahiliya) they used to take the dowry of the women and not give it to them.and also this verses shows that the dowry(mahr)must be given to the women and not kept by the guardians.

    eega namma samajadalliruvanthaha varadakshine idu islaminallilla !! so edara bagge Allahanu mahshareyalli vicharane maduvanu khanditha !edakke idée samaja uttara kodabekagide.

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  • shahnawaz kukkikatte, dubai/udupi

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    Mr Ilyas shukoor/Shirva, I agree with you. The problems you mentioned here in are so small compared to the dowry menance which is eating up each and every household not only in muslims but also in larger section of our society. The girls are sitting waiting to be married is not because of mehendi or luncheon nikhah, but because of hefty dowry demands by the groom or his father. As you said now bride has sto pend a lot on dowry, mehendi and post nikah lunch which is added burden to the less previliged society. If dowry is abolished, then other petty things can be taken care of. The cost of dowry is so huge, that one can solemnise 10-15 simple marriages. While I am totally against groom going in for mehendi ceremony, its bride's right to mehendi as she is mentally and physically prepearing for the big day and that celebration can be seen only during mehendi along with family and friendsand no one should hijack this right. Post nikah lunch is too an innovation and its not the right of any one. As far as engagement is concerned its upto the uniting parties and there cant be any restrictions. Prophet adviced simplicity in marriages and Islam preaches simplicity and prohibits show off. Lets all start with dowry first and then address other smaller issues later.

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  • Ilyas Shukoor, Shirva/Abudhabi

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    This article is written in relation to the article written by Mr. Shahnawas Kukki Katte. While in complete agreement to Mr. Shahnawas’s well written article, the foremost question that comes to the mind is, what is the status of those marriages for which Mahar was paid by the dowry received from the bride’s family. One takes dowry from the bride’s family and out of that itself pays the Mahar.
    Elimination of dowry does not solve the entire issue.

    It is the tip of the ice berg, the real problem lies beneath it. People who do not take dowry have not had it easy to get their daughters and sisters married. There are several other unislamic practices due to which marriages have and are becoming more and more difficult, complicated and expensive.


    The groom’s father in order to get the highest dowry, delays their son’s marriage and the girl’s father due to the inability to finance the dowry. Apart from this there are several other new traditions that have with the passage of time become a part of the marriage ceremony of the Muslim ummah, which, if not addressed in due course of time can lead to disastrous consequences. To accept something as legal (jaiz), which is not legal (na jaiz) is a sin, also to consider something that is allowed (jaiz), as compulsorily, is not correct either.

    For example: Buying a car is allowed (jaiz) in Islam, however if every muslim, tries to buy a car just because it is allowed (jaiz), irrespective of the fact that he has the capacity or not to buy it, is not correct.Similarly, to offer food during the ceremony of nikah is allowed (jaiz), but not compulsory. But, food has been made mandatory now by the people, whether they have the capacity to bear the cost or not. For if they don’t then they lose face and honour in the society. Several families have been trapped under the burden of debt due to the pressure of offering food to hundreds and thousands of guests during the wedding. Further to the re-iterate the point made above i.e., to practice something that is allowed (jaiz) as necessary and compulsory, just because other people might think less of you or insult you if you do not do so, let us ask ourselves the following questions:


    Is it compulsory for the bride’s father to feed the guests in the ceremony of nikah?
    Is it compulsory o practice the tradition of mehendi?
    Is it compulsory to have the engagement ceremony?

    The people who have given up dowry, have increased the no. of items in their wedding buffet, if the buffet/lunch stops then the gold demanded by the grooms family increases, if the gold stops, then the demand for other house hold items will increase.

    The bride’s family succumb to the pressure from the demands of the groom’s family just to save their face and honour in their community and society. Therefore it is necessary that we put an end to all the demands made from the groom’s family. It is the groom’s responsibility to take care of the ex

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  • ANAMIKA, Mangalore

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    S.M. Nawaz Kukkikatte, udupi, can you show me where dowry is mentioned as Haram or forbiden??

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  • asif ullal,

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    dear sudhir,
    education not only 4 muslim girls.its for all
    yaar education aaj kal bahuth he isliye lapda chori komu ghalabe sab zyaada he.education se bhi acha hamara activity thinking sab acha rehna he ,mazhab nahi sikaathe aapas me lado.islam kehtehe .insaan ko kabhi bhi takleef na pahunchaavo.insaan insaan ko pehle pyaar karo yahi bada education he .

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  • asif ullal,

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    assalam alaikum
    dear sisters,
    beary pennighalo sammelana nokith pale aal margh pale abhi praya.
    please sammelana benu aayenghum nangha firstgh chamme change aavogh undh,ningha dowry stop aakro nallo bisaya aayth ikkr.but ninghame burka.saari fashion idl firstgh chnge aakkoru pinne . ella sama aavru.
    zamaana fashion ke peeche chalte he isko pehle stop karo.aur islam ke peeche chalo sab sahi niklegha sammelana zaroori nahi.

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  • YOUSUF HYDER , Mangalore/ Bc road

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    Mr/s Nazma ... Dowry edkkrrevundedre kana beliye thappu dowry kodukkrengaled ..ok but adh koduttulleng avunde penn avuttule ikkogavu avu. Pinne dowry edkkant mangliavuro capacity illathe ettare aalmaar ullar. cheleppa avunu majboor ayitt edkkre ayittikku ? Ninga chonne physically handicapped girl or a widow? Nergum inganthengale mangilavurengale Manass MAYDANAYTIKKONU... Allahu anganthe pennmakkale kaakatt.. The solution for this Only pray

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  • shahnawaz kukkikatte, dubai/udipi

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    Mr Sudhir/Mangalore. You are more than 100% correct. Your observation is true and right. Yes we need muslim women to be educated. But it should also emphasise on educating the whole community. We dont need any reservation. We need equality of opportunities and We are all Indians. Dont call us minorities.

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  • Sunny, UAE

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    Ms. Banu Mustak's statement "...in Saudi Arabia the bridegroom has to give money to the bride, which indicates that there is no dowry system in Islam" actually confirms the fact that DOWRY exists albeit in reverse flow. So, there is definite exchange of money during marriage. In fact, it amounts to BUYING the bride by the bridegroom and SELLING the daughter to the Bridegroom. So, Islam cannot claim that dowry system does not exist in Islam. Nevertheless, let me state that 'dowry' system in any form is not acceptable and must be eliminated.

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  • Sudhir, Mangalore

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    First Muslim girls should be educated because if mother is educated then she will make her children educated which is lacking in muslim cummunity.

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  • NAJAM Batrekere, Bajpe

    Sat, Feb 27 2010

    EXCELLENT -campaign of awareness.

    This type of Campaigns required by the Beary Community. Not the AKDAM - BAKDAM Programmes / events, which is only show off!

    Looking forward for more such 'Samaj Sudharak Campaigns'

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  • Nazeem, KSA

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Good movement but not on right path

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  • FAISAL MUHAMMAD, MANJESHWAR

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Brothers/sisters,
    we are created by God along with proper instruction (quran and sunna) this only can take pepoles to perfect human, try to be practical.

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  • Abdul Hameed, Jokatte

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Nallu comments nido. e anniko gonth awulle Ed penninglo sammelanant.............

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  • Tawood Dhackeray, Palli/Ranganpalke

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    T.K. Hamza, Kushalnagar...MALLIGE HOOVU...also a part of marriage... but not included in dowryism.. it's afterall 'mehanat' of 'bayammas' of shirva/manchakal belt..good things cannot hide..even mallige pu..will come to know from too far...and to be appreicated..Jai Ho..

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  • Shamina Razak, Riyadh

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Good programme. This awareness is indeed required. Good to see Zahida. I am so proud of you my friend.

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  • Tawood Dhackeray, Palli/Ranganpalke

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Mr.H. R. LOBO, DEREBAIL-MANGALORE-PUNE...you are not added most of the bridesgrooms in arab countries are looking gals somewhere else say from india/indonesia/malaysia.. as they are cannot afford the hefty money..in the way of dowryism..in both gals are suffering..the custom of giving dowry (jahaz) is not part of islam.. although it actually seems to be on the increase among several muslim cultures.. notably those of Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi origin.. even when they have settled down in UK...in fact.. it is a practice which has never been sanctioned..it has been ..imitation of ancient Hindu culture in which daughters were not given any share in the family property.. but were given payments.. part of which might be in the form of household goods.. as a measure of compensation... islam granted daughters a rightful share in their family property and inheritance...why than people are after dowry?...aakhir paisa boltha hai..duniya after paisa....start DOWRY FREE SWAYAMVARAM/NIKKAH..both parties should forbidden to take dowry..it will benefit none other than parents...in much..

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  • ismail koornadka saudia hail, puttur

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    srimantha udugiyannu badavara manege maduvemadi kodabeku aavaga badthanavannu hogaldisabahudu idarabgge eluvavarella thamma thamma hennu makkalannu srimathara manege maduve madi kodutthare idannu nillasabeku

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  • nazma, mangalore

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    are u ready to marry a physically handicapped girl or a widow??chellogu chomme sulabha aarum aakith kaatlle..chellogu chellrar...angalo time barumbo melle jaar raar

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  • REYY, mangalore-UDUPI

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Dear brother...
    Jamathul islam or someother commity they cannot find the solution for dowry ! Only we have to try to remove this virus , Innobbarannu thorisudakkintha Namma namma familya volage strictly dowry thegiyudannu nillisabeku.Hagadare maathra E dowry ennuma samajika pidugannu adashtu navu kadime mada bahudu.

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  • Abu Mihran Kanyana, Mangalore/RassAlKhaimah,U.A.E

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Akbar and Kansakbar given good coments but d question is who is keeping the bell @ cat's neck.BEKKINA KUTHIGEGE GHANTE KATTUVAVARAU?bcz it all happend with d knowledge,support(by keeping silent on this problem)and understandings of maulvis and each jamaths office bearers.

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  • MAHAMMAD RIYAZ , mangalore/kudla

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Since majority of the girls in modern India are independent now, atleast in cities, why cant the dowry be reversed? THe guys family should give the girl? Dowry wont become an evil if the whole money is given to the coulple to make their daily life more comfy. Cos in the usual case, the money is taken by the guys parents. And another point is that poor girls find it difficult to get in comfy families. Cos rich families would demand a larger amount. So will a poor girl be able to marry a rich guy? So financial status is discriminated. In most poor marriages, dowry ends up the mail culprit for torture and murder. And its due to the surety needed by the guys parent thet their son is getting into a well-off family that they ask for money. Most lower class parents gobble up the money themselves. And almost no one thinks about the rights of the girl while talking bout money. And some people think that they have spent money to educate their sons and so this expense should be payed by the girls family since she will benefit from him. In the end it all really works out to be a business unless u r a social rights activist.
    So dowry is EVIL and not necessary nowadays cos its disavantages outnumber its advantages.
    Nice to see you Mrs.adv sayeeda on the stage I appreciate You and that all those People attended this function. Thanks to daiji team.

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  • Kansakbar, Puttur/Darbe

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    We need to root out the dowry system in our society .This can only be done by the support of Masjid Jamahat Committee to elliminate Shaithan's sytems which is in practise. Who is getting dowry by force must be kept out of reach from masjid and even Mullahs who encourages the culprits for doing all such activities has to punished .

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  • Akbar Ali, Sharjah/Vittal

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Against dowry we have to sound from our Masjid Jamahat Committee. from their only we can solve this Shaithan's sytems from our society. who is getting dowry by force must be get out from each Masjid. but now who conducting the religious tradition of marriage (nikah) i mean the mullas or clergist of muslim cammunity. musliyars organisation should take firm dccn as they are not participate dowry related marriage.

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  • Shaki, Nekkare

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Penningalo sammelanthl annink endre swara?

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  • Iqbal, Mangalore

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Yes, we muslims (most of us) follow our religion and quron to our convinience.Dowry should be eliminated and our people especially girls should get educated.

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  • shafi, mangalore/makkha saudi arab

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    along with this we all should think about our sisters who are physicaly handicapedand and widows ,we shpuld think about thier marreges.youth should come front and should marrey thiese girls.dowry is man made we should not relate it with islam.

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  • shahnawaz kukkikatte, dubai/udupi

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    Very good compaign of awareness and I urge all sections of society must support this cause as its an evil in every society, as results of which women and poors are suffering a lot. The dowry system has promoted female foeticide. What a shame. We male should have taken the lead. Now the female has voiced concern and this awareness must be promoted and all should support it. Man is no way superior to woman and woman no way superior to man. Both man and woman are complimentory to each other with different biological functions. But their social status, civil rights are equal to men in all respects. If all bride unite and say we dont want to give you dowry, where man will go? He needs a mate. God has created everything in pairs and their mate from themselves. How long man would remain without a mate. Lets close all our brothels and let these female brides say, no to dowry, then see the game. Man shall kneel before their women folks. Lets start treating our women counterparts as an absoulutely biological necessity and let the message go in echoing voice that without woman no man can establish his family and do the process of recreation and procreation. When woman is equally resposble for the reproduction why to treat them like goods that can be sold and bought. Infact in dowry system, woman buys her partner and these males are ready to sell themselves. So marriage is a market wherr the highest bidder can get her life partner. Shame on men folks. Atleast getup from long sleep now.

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  • Abdul Hameed, Dubai/Krishnapura

    Fri, Feb 26 2010

    So proud, finally what is the result,make awareness each and every village by Aalims, Ustads,let them give the lectures as per our Muslim sharia, dowry is a crime, in this conventions those who presented most of them are paid dowry, i.e.married men and womens, not make such programs only for advertisements.Is Islam permited muslim womens to attend such public meetings together with mens,,,,,So pls stop such typs of noncence, & make awareness by Scholars giving the valuable lectures openly.

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  • Bulsam, Mangalore

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    As a Muslim it was a great pleasure to see active Muslim women voicing their opinion in public platform. Writer Mrs. Sara Aboobakar must be very happy to be with them. You educated women it is your duty to see that the women in your society are all educated because you women in the homes are the epicenter of the family. Always fight for the right cause but keep in mind that we are all human being of the same CREATOR.
    You educated young men please don’t approve of the dowry demands by your family and go along with your heart and marry the girl you like but mind you, the one that is made for one another. Always go ahead after getting the approval from the family and blessings from the elders but at equal terms of give and take. Have a planned family and educate them well and at a later stage allow your wife to work or to start her own business. Believe me if they are given free hand and all responsibilities, they are very good at money as well as home management.

    Keep it up and god bless.

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  • ISMAIL K PERINJE, PERINJE/YANBU-KSA

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    I have simple question- why there was no fatwa in this matter.If so also why not muslims considers it as Haraam?Why not these Ulemas not stressing to eradicate this evil sytem.Now a days there is so many conventions in & around Mangalore of various muslim groups but I did not see any ulemas of any group giving any such calls to dicard Dowry as it is haraam in the Islam.

    Dowry is nothing but bribe and illgotten money for bridegroom.He should be ashamed of it.Those who have no self respect are indulging in these kind of evil actions.Some over smart& crocked people like to take more jewelry rather than in cash is also considered as dowry.These are the people who are using relgion to their benefit.This system largely contributing for poor muslim brides to be remain unmarried is big social problem in the Muslim community especialy in coastal Karnataka.

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  • H. R. LOBO, DEREBAIL-MANGALORE-PUNE

    Thu, Feb 25 2010


    I feel the pernicious system of dowry giving by bride's parents is a social evil prevalent only in India society.

    In Arab countries though the bridegroom has to give a hefty sum to the bride's father in order to marry his daughter!

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  • S.M. Nawaz Kukkikatte, udupi

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    Dowry is forbidden in Islam. Dears all raise the voice against the dowry. if Money is imp for marriage life. then its worthless life..

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  • Sarf, Mlore

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    Dowry is not right. But if Grooms parents happily wants to give gifts to bride then i think it's alright.. Forceably asking is wrong..
    Cheers

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  • shreef, bengere

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    Regarding dowry theory classes every day going on but do something for practical, then only some muslim girls get help... thanks for dw

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  • T.K. Hamza, Kushalnagar

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    Dowry is forbidden in Islam and it is obligatory to pay Mahr to the bride by bridegroom, making a living with dowry money is shameful. I appreciate Banu Mustaks advise and delighted to see an AJJI distributing sweets decorated with MALLIGE HOOVU. Thanks Daiji for the beautiful picture.

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  • Mohammed, Moodbidri/KSA

    Thu, Feb 25 2010

    A Muslim is one who believes in One God and His Book Quran & authentic Hadeeth.In Islam there is no dowrey system.Marriage is human need to live peacfully in society.In marriage one should not put any kind of burden on girls side.

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Title: Mangalore: Writer Banu Mustak Calls Upon Beary Women to Rise Against Dowry



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